Former Community – We Moved
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Dealing with a manipulative low-performer subordinate trying to make it personal
I know you get this just for the general reader who stops by.
As you know The standard team model in big organisations is fake collaboration.
So people who are high power, and self sufficient are respected.
So publicly offering somebody support is giving them the kiss of death. Try it out. Ask a colleague NOT your boss for support on some small thing and watch them look disgusted or terrified as they back away dribbling out excuses and disclaimers.
Loving this, thanks. So you mean giving support to someone is a power move that shows superiority.
In the case of colleagues, not sure I understand. Won't they refuse because they refuse the tasking? If I ask support then it means I'm getting in the weaker position so why would they refuse?
Its the same as over chasing in dating. People fear weakness is contagious.
If you really do need help you have to frame much as what do you think or hey can i bounce some ideas.
Gotcha. Thanks for the explanation.
Since I refused the mediation (told to me by chief A and proposed by chief B) and I was a whistle blower in the first place, I got flagged as "part of the problem". Nobody will tell me but I can feel it. So Now I'm keeping a low profile. I think chief B is pissed on an ego level that I refused even if we did not talk about it.
I still think you did the right thing by refusing based on the PU principle of minimising negative threads. Say you go ahead with it there's a remediation happening it's a drama people love drama there's a problem and your smack in the middle of it.
And screw boss B sure they wanted to big note and play the peace maker. Doesn't help you. But of course double down on kissing their arse.
Hello Transitioned,
thank you very much for your help and support! Yes, definitely. There was drama and I was in the middle of it.
And yes, for boss B I think it was even an opportunity to train her mediation skill. It's like you're a hunter and you see big game: you're going to take it. And yes playing peace keeper as well: more power to them, keeps me in line, shows who's boss, improves the team morale if mediation is successful. So only win for her/them. Not for me as it would show I'm a conflictual person and I'm not able to solve the conflicts I start. So I would need management/supervision on getting along with team members which is close to a red flag in terms of being an employee/manager. Heck, it's even worse if I need mediation between me and a subordinate. I see it now. So it was a bullet and I'm glad I dodged it. So I'll play it smooth and nice now. Easy for me, just have to do it.
And yes, I am doubling down on the ass-kissing. We're on the same page. Meaning: to show how a good employee I am and how much I appreciate them. It's working.
