Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 3, 2020, 9:37 pm

Hey BV,

Usual disclaimer that I'm only judging from the outside, based on a few lines of text.

Anyway, what I like most about this situation is that you are living on your own now.

That will make everything easier.

I'd definitely not try to one-up or "win" any dominance competition in this case.

What I'd do instead is two-pronged:

1. Reduce contact
2. Keep it as friendly / amiable as possible

It might be that this guy sees you as an enemy to monopolize your mother, and you want to avoid giving him any reason to see it that way.
If it were a race, children more often than not have an advantage over partners, but... It's not a race.

Depending on the situation, I might even send some small olive branches.
For example, when you call or talk to your mother, ask about him and say hi.
If you stop by, bring a little trinket for him -maybe some chocolate or some food he likes-. Then do some friendly chit chat.

Quote from Stef on November 4, 2020, 2:16 am

I got a nasty idea but then I realize it was too nasty so I have to auto-censor myself

something about taken advangate of your step-dad weaknesses to cause him to harm himself, yet as Lucio said, better to try to keep things in peace!

 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 4, 2020, 4:01 am

Quote from Stef on November 4, 2020, 2:16 am

I got a nasty idea but then I realize it was too nasty so I have to auto-censor myself

something about taken advangate of your step-dad weaknesses to cause him to harm himself, yet as Lucio said, better to try to keep things in peace!

 

Well... Now you made us all curious :).

Feel free to share it if you feel like, I think one can learn from Machiavellian strategies even if he doesn't plan on using them -say, for learning self-defense-.

Quote from Stef on November 4, 2020, 5:17 am

jaja something around the lines: "pretend to leave by accident some drugs you know he can not resist were he can find them and hope he gets himself an overdose"

sure it can backfire if he control himself, call the cops and probe you were the one leaving that ilegal stuff there.

again, I wash my hands, dont try that!

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 4, 2020, 9:36 am

If one wanted to harm him, it could be a great plan to work with -badly cut drugs would be the next level-.

But yeah, probably not for this case. His mother would also be collateral damage and likely pay a big price.

Quote from BV on November 4, 2020, 4:25 pm

Thanks for the input guys.

Doing a drugs plant would start a war lol.

Lucio, I am keeping my distance big time as he is draining to be around, the idea of an olive branch sounds like a good one.

I forgot to mention he often gives small demands like asking me to check football scores on my phone etc, it's all part of his game but as he doesn't have a smart phone/is not tech savvy I feel obliged to do it for him, any thoughts?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 4, 2020, 10:06 pm

Drug plant, LOL :D.

Yeah man, that's called tasking, and it can be very annoying -and difficult to deal with-.

The one you mentioned is also "covered tasking", since if you escalate it's easy to go under cover with something like:

Dude, relax, I don't know how to use a smartphone, no need to be a dick about it

I should watch the scene to give you some proper feedback.

Some quick ideas though:

1. Execute, but with a delay -"yeah, I'll tell you in a sec", "aha, I'm finishing one thing first" "(pick up the phone, see a text from a friend, comments on it, then later checks the scores)"
2. Ask for another favor back -not my favorite as it's too obvious you're playing a game-
3. Change topic as soon as he tasks you, make it look natural, then tell him his results later
4. Pass him the phone, say "check it out". If he says he can't use it, then you're still in a better position to deny him, because you willingly letting him use your phone is still a step in his direction