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Dealing with Cold Woman During Initial Interaction
Read through the TPM seduction university and understood the importance of power throughout the process.
However I am curious, what if the woman gave you the "roll her eyes" look when you cold approached her, either in daytime or at night bars? You can sense she was thinking "not another guy again" and was being cold when you talked to her. Is it recommended to still continue to go with warmth? From what I read at TPM, warmth is only appropriate if she sees you as high-power.
I am thinking one way to deal with this is to go with warmth, but at certain part of the interaction you can utilize it to slowly gain power, such as when she is shit testing you, and you deal with it well, or you can also empathize by asking her if she had some bad experience with guys etc.
Quote from vicknick on June 5, 2023, 10:39 amIs it recommended to still continue to go with warmth? From what I read at TPM, warmth is only appropriate if she sees you as high-power.
I don't see any other option, if you try to level the ground with no-warmth, she likely won't give in either and conversation with quickly die, or turn into confrontation.
I would still go in, ignore her power move and try to make the situation more positive, if she doesn't care and rejects your moves coldly you say "Very well, have a great day" so you still leave positive impression and look high-power and value giver as you were both unshaken by her cold behaviour and still managed to end it on a good side ( there's also possibility that she will be warmer next time, feeling bad for being harsh before ).
And if you manage to start a conversation, it keeps going and you find common ground, that's a win for you.
Feel free to give feedback or criticize my answer.
I think that going warmth after she spurned falls afoul of Kevin's rule:
Do not offer the bitten hand.
Such as, don't be nice to those who were not nice to you.
Exceptions always apply, but that's the typical submissive, too nice guy behavior of defaulting to signaling surrender and "don't hurt me anymore (please)".
There are actually a couple of ways to deal with this in SU, but to add a different approach, depending on the situation, one could:
- Go empathic (for night game): "seems as if a lot of sloppy guys have come to you tonight, eh?"
- Hit back: "ehehe someone seems a bit miffy today"
That last one is high risk. A few women will apologize right away if you come across as cool. But many may get even more annoyed and then you'll have to turn a potential confrontation into something good.
But it's doable, and if you manage, it's super effective and you start with a bang.
It is an interesting thread.
I'm curious if it's possible to actually turn around coldness/distancing, annoyance and/or anger when cold approaching.
When I used to do it, and got at a basic level, I used to immediately drop it when spotting these. I think SU also suggests to drop it, especially in cases of annoyance/anger.
But I'm wondering if there's a possibility that these might be tests, and what may be the odds and the skills required to turn these around.
As I saw it then, the woman usually reacts these ways when she either is taken, or she judges the man unconsciously as "below her". Hence, I suppose turning these around is very difficult.
EDIT: Also, this is tied to "feeling she's not interested". After cold approaching many times, one starts to "get the feeling if she is/isn't" even when she tries to play aloof.
For me there was a difference between a woman that is interested, but acts nonchalantly/does not say much or react with excitement, and a woman that is not interested and acts the same way. So when I used to get the feeling of the second kind, I usually used to drop the interaction.
But I may have been interpreting things mistakenly.
This a little set piece I had made habit. 1st my usual disclaimer this was when the world was young and I have been out of the game for many years.
I used to slightly wave my hand to one side and give them an exaggerated such is life look.  If you need the body language for that pretty much look at any French film ever. So you were ever so slightly acknowledging their brushoff not just overriding it
Then hold out my hand for the pulse handshake and say anyway nice to meet you.  While looking into their eyes and doing the squench smile (google that one)
Then say have a great night and walk off.
Basically i was pulling a mini state change.
Normally I would do in bars.  I was trying to plant a seed.  A few drinks and idiots later maybe she would see me as a better deal
I'm a pretty average guy and those were high competition environments so as you would expect it worked a bit sometimes.
Occasionally they would just strike up conversation 1 After the handshake and I was in.
Occasionally I would bump into them later in the night or just say oh Hey like we were old friends. How s you night been.
Couple of times that led to breakfast.
I confess I bought SU just to support lucio's business but haven't read it.
I am curious if this was breaking any of the SU playbook rules.
Quote from DGX37 on June 5, 2023, 8:25 pmQuote from vicknick on June 5, 2023, 10:39 amIs it recommended to still continue to go with warmth? From what I read at TPM, warmth is only appropriate if she sees you as high-power.
I don't see any other option, if you try to level the ground with no-warmth, she likely won't give in either and conversation with quickly die, or turn into confrontation.
I would still go in, ignore her power move and try to make the situation more positive, if she doesn't care and rejects your moves coldly you say "Very well, have a great day" so you still leave positive impression and look high-power and value giver as you were both unshaken by her cold behaviour and still managed to end it on a good side ( there's also possibility that she will be warmer next time, feeling bad for being harsh before ).
And if you manage to start a conversation, it keeps going and you find common ground, that's a win for you.
Feel free to give feedback or criticize my answer.
That's what I thought as well. Since you are a high-value guy already, and her thought that you are low-value is only her "perception" of you (at least from the beginning). And since high-value guys are value giver, I thought it would be a good move to continue for warmth. Not sure how others think.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 6, 2023, 1:20 amDo not offer the bitten hand.
Such as, don't be nice to those who were not nice to you.
Exceptions always apply, but that's the typical submissive, too nice guy behavior of defaulting to signaling surrender and "don't hurt me anymore (please)".
There are actually a couple of ways to deal with this in SU, but to add a different approach, depending on the situation, one could:
- Go empathic (for night game): "seems as if a lot of sloppy guys have come to you tonight, eh?"
- Hit back: "ehehe someone seems a bit miffy today"
Thanks Lucio for your advice.
For me I would prefer "Go empathic" during the daytime as well, since you did nothing wrong and the way she reacts must have been her bad perception about guys before you. After she starts to open up, I then will continue to conversation as usual and give warmth.
Hitting back might cause her to see you as too "try-hard" and not "normal", at least that's what I thought. Would like to hear how others think.
Quote from vicknick on June 7, 2023, 4:40 amThat's what I thought as well. Since you are a high-value guy already, and her thought that you are low-value is only her "perception" of you (at least from the beginning). And since high-value guys are value giver, I thought it would be a good move to continue for warmth. Not sure how others think.
To be honest Vicknick, that sounds to me a bit of a too-nice guy approach.
Sounds like a "kill them with love" type of approach.
And albeit anything can work if you just try it enough times and it right settings and with the right people... It just feels to me like it sets you up for nice guy failure the majority of times.
But you know what, I can be wrong and it may work for you.
Give it a try, let us know.
