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Dealing with a toxic work environment

Hello guys,

I went full circle. I am learning a lot about social skills, politics, etc. here. However, what I realized is that all along in a toxic environment we're dealing with mostly the same issue: the proportion of narcissists in a given work environment.

I had underestimated the importance of that fact. I removed a certain number of narcissists from my life: from family to friends to lovers. From time to time, I don't recognize one and he/she slips in my life without me seeing it. Now I soon as I recognize him/her, I cut him/her out of my life.

However, at work I cannot avoid them and in healthcare, they are legions since it's a power-rich environment. They are attracted to healthcare like moths by a flame.

This leads me to the following question:

When a narcissist plays power moves on you, like putting you down in public in a subtle way for instance. Would you confront him/her in private or do you think it's not productive?

By confronting I mean talking to the person in private and trying to see things from his/her side? Or would you just stay away and maneuver from afar while trying not to make an enemy out of him/her?

Context: one of my narcissist nurse colleague made again a babying move against me (calling me "cutie") on purpose as she knows it angers me. So my plan is to ask her not to call me like that again. Politely but firmly.

Do you think this is wise or counter-productive and she will use it against me? I know sometimes she avoids me on purpose and try not to work with me while she's the one who's attacking me upfront and by talking bad about me behind my back. Like in a very passive-agressive way. What I'm afraid of is that then she can use our conversation against me by twisting it. By pretending that I said something that I did not.

That's the tragedy that I found: the environment I am is toxic because there is a majority of these people in the team. My ally among the nurses told me that it's because in the emergency room, people are independent. But that's not why they behave like that. They behave like that because they are mentally sick, with the same disease as Donald Trump.

Also, knowing that I will come back there in 3 months for 3 months. Would you make peace with the people I have a beef with before leaving? I would say there are around 3-5 people. That is the biggest mistake I did: I made too many enemies at once in the beginning and then it was over. I could only make the situation neutral, that is it.

I also think that not fitting in an insane environment is a sign of mental health. I will find a proper work environment.

What about mirroring her behaviour? Do you have the power to call her sth that she does not like,in a playful manner of course? If you do she may not offend you again , in order to avoid her own pain. I believe in the longterm, it is better to confront her. I found in the toxic environment of my workplace that the milder you are the more they step on you. Moreover you increase your tolerance in battle mode in your work 🙂 But I believe you should not overdo it. For example, my aunt used to brag about things/situations that my mother didnot have  (Healthy husband, house for vacations) and was sad about it. I told my mother to point out things/situations that my aunt was in disadvantage, in a subtle way. Now, my aunt has stopped bragging.

Another thing that I tried, a much more toxic one, is to send anonymously/or with fake name email,letters to the hr/manager of the hospital degrading the specific nurse. You can pretend to be a mistreated patient, or that she stole money, etc. I have noticed that when you bring them in a bad position, they do not know who is behind it and they treat everyone better. That is the plan. On the other hand, you cannot control how will that end. Furthermore, I dont feel better when I attack someone anonymously. I feel better when  I assert myself for my rights AND achieve my goal.