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Defend Right of Speech: Dealing with interruptions
Hi everyone!
Taking a break from the MOOCs for a while. I've been doing some research for a project I'm working on and took a couple of LinkedIn Learning courses to see if they would be of any value to my project goals.
One that I took was called Interpersonal Communication. In one of the lessons, titled "How to handle interruptions" (in the module "Communicating in Tricky Situations") there was an example of how to handle interruptions that I'd like to share.
This strategy reminded me of "Defending Right of Speech" assertively and did a great job of using positive sentence structure so as to not escalate the situation, something I struggle a lot with:
You: Bob, I know we both want our meetings to be as effective as possible. I've noticed though, that it seems like when I speak in the meetings, you're interrupting me pretty frequently. Last Tuesday, it actually happened three different times. That made it hard for me to get my points across. I'm sure that's not intentional, and I wonder if there's a way we could strategize about that.
And if he gets defensive:
Bob: What? I didn't interrupt you.
You: Well, it was my perception that you did, but maybe I'm wrong. Is there a signal or a system we could use in the future in case something like that happens to come up?
In this example, the one who interrupted you actually gets defensive. I feel like the example the course teacher gave was great in terms of managing to facilitate the situation in a way that gets the one who interrupted you as your ally.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on whether on not you think this is a good strategy!
Ali
*P.S. I earned a certificate for this course. If you consider taking these kinds of courses, do put them in your resume. You can create a section titled "Professional Development" and add the course you took to give your resume a boost if it is conducive to the position you're applying for :).
I like the overall idea behind that approach.
In professional environments, you usually want to avoid escalations, and that approach is often the best one.
The exact wording though makes me think it might be going too far in trying to save face Bob's face.
If you are stating truths, you might not need to hide it so strongly.
For example:
I know we both want our meetings to be as effective as possible
I'd probably phrase this as "I like to have our meeting as effective as possible, and I hope you can agree with that"
And:
I'm sure that's not intentional
And finally:
but maybe I'm wrong.
All those three might be true.
But what if you're pretty sure Bob is an asshole and you are sure he was disrespecting you with those interruptions?
If that's the case, and if Bob does not respect you, that highly cushioned approach might tell Bob that you are weak in asserting your boundaries.
In those cases, I would take out the "maybe I'm wrong".
And I might even take out the "I'm sure you didn't mean it".
If you're pretty sure you're stating facts, then you can avoid so much cushioning and address it with a stronger frame. Not aggressive and ready to escalate, but more direct.
This is especially better if Bob is a very direct guy, which he seems to be. And very direct guys find indirectness annoying and weak (there is a section in the workplace module on this)
I agree that it sounds a lot like you're apologizing from a place of lower social standing, but would it work with some modifications such as the examples below?
He projects the reasons why it was not intentional: "I'm sure that's not intentional, because it would make me lose face in front the team"
Put the spotlight on him with a question: "I'm sure that's not intentional, am I right?"
Quote from JP on June 4, 2020, 4:10 pmI agree that it sounds a lot like you're apologizing from a place of lower social standing, but would it work with some modifications such as the examples below?
He projects the reasons why it was not intentional: "I'm sure that's not intentional, because it would make me lose face in front the team"
Put the spotlight on him with a question: "I'm sure that's not intentional, am I right?"
Yes, it's an improvement.
Especially the second one.
How they answer will also tell you a lot about them.
If they say "yes", you're already on the winning side and can move to clarifying.
If they ignore your frame, you know that they either feel more powerful than you are and like they have the right to do whatever they want, or that they are very good in social skills and power dynamics (but the latter is rare).
For example:
Man, I'm not sure what you mean by "doing it on purpose", I speak my mind whenever I feel it adds value. That's who I am and that's what I will do.
To which you could reply:
I'm glad you say that, man. I like straight shooters. And I'm here speaking as a straight shooter, too.
I feel that wen you do that, you are being aggressive and deameaning towards. Aggressive can be fine, up to a certain point, but demeaning is not.
I don't want to be demeaned and treated rudely.
That's what I want to address.
Are you cool with that?
