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Defending against boasting power moves
Hello TPM community,
At my birthday party this week-end. I was talking with my friend's GF who's a manipulator. She's very materialistic but would never admit it. At least she said she admitted she's not spiritual (not a judgment but corroborates the assumption she's materialistic).
She's comparing herself to other people regarding where they travel to. Basically she wants to feel superior in some way.
So she asks me ritually when we meet if I'm going to travel soon. Now I'm aware it's a comparison game so I'm going to win it.
Me: Yeah I'm going to Australia in March. (you wanna play this game? Alright but I'll probably beat you)
Her: [shares where she's going to travel]
Me: and I'm going to go to Marocco at the end of the month
Her: [shares more of where she's going to travel to. Now we can see the "I'm better than you" game quite obviously.]
Her: I'm quite busy so I cannot travel more (has already named 4-5 destinations in Europe she's going to go by the end of the year + "I'm busy" power move).
Me: Yeah I also have a lot of work so I cannot travel more for now (counter the "I'm busy": you're busy? So you're important. So am I.)
So basically in conversations with me she tries to hit where she thinks she's going to win: travels.
So with these people it's not about what you really have going on or have. It's about beating them at their own game. Otherwise they end up one-up.
In this case I told the truth. However, when I said "I'm quite busy so I cannot travel more" it was a total counter-power move. Yes it's true but I don't have the intention of travelling more than what I already have planned before the end of the year.
Conclusion
This is a "I'm better than you" game. So if you're 100% honest you might lose it. And I don't want to lose to manipulators. Here it was 1-on-1. If it's public one must be careful that the counter-boasting does not backfire. In case of public boasting and "I'm better than you" games, I would rather go the "Taking the judge role and giving approval" route (as Lucio recommended) as in:
Her: I'm going there and there
Me: That's great, congratulations!
So one keeps rapport and looks like he's collaborative. Very leader-like as Lucio would say.
After some thoughts, I think that it's a better strategy to quickly switch it to her when she's boasting and give her my approval. It's more effective than competing with her. I wanted to show her that I can play this game but then it's turkey behaviour and it's entering her competitive frame.
