Different Language Socializing
Hi Y'all
I recently had gone to visit my friends, they speak a different language , I'm not familiar with it at all, when my friends group gets together, they invariably speak in the same language, at times my friend understands I'm unable to understand and resorts to speaking in a language all of us know, at times the other people in the group, notice me not comprehending and say "Poor Mav" he looks bored there, not understanding, we should talk in X so that even he can understand" they switch for a while and revert back again, which makes me feel excluded. I insist for a while and let it go, My friend doesn't do it with any malice, since when we are alone he speaks to me in my language but with others understandably not so From a power move perspective I'm being repeatedly dis-empowered, as I see it I have only three options to re-empower myself a) Learn the language b) Keep insisting they speak in my language c) Distance myself from the group
How would you guys handle such a situation?
Thank You
Hi Mav,
this is very interesting.
The first thought that comes to my mind is to push-back and go meta on it every time they start speaking their language in your presence:
You: Here you go again, guys, speaking in a language only you understand. I would appreciate if, when you invite me, we could keep it in our common tongue.
You: There you go again. As I said, please speak in our common language while I'm here.
You: Another go at your mother tongue. As I said, do please speak in a way we can all understand.
You: And here you go at it again. It's getting annoying. This is not what I signed up for.
If you nag them every time, you
- show awareness
- push back
- show you're not letting go
It might be enough to obtain more compliance - or to push yourself out of the group in any case. But worth trying before making a definite decision.
That said, learning some of their language is a no-brainer solution, at the same time. It would allow you to depotentiate the "distancing effect" if, when they speak in their tongue, you understand what they're saying and show them you understand.
That alone might make them stop using their tongue to carve out their space when you're there.
Quote from Bel on May 21, 2023, 1:02 pmHi Mav,
this is very interesting.
The first thought that comes to my mind is to push-back and go meta on it every time they start speaking their language in your presence:
You: Here you go again, guys, speaking in a language only you understand. I would appreciate if, when you invite me, we could keep it in our common tongue.
You: There you go again. As I said, please speak in our common language while I'm here.
You: Another go at your mother tongue. As I said, do please speak in a way we can all understand.
You: And here you go at it again. It's getting annoying. This is not what I signed up for.
If you nag them every time, you
- show awareness
- push back
- show you're not letting go
It might be enough to obtain more compliance - or to push yourself out of the group in any case. But worth trying before making a definite decision.
That said, learning some of their language is a no-brainer solution, at the same time. It would allow you to depotentiate the "distancing effect" if, when they speak in their tongue, you understand what they're saying and show them you understand.
That alone might make them stop using their tongue to carve out their space when you're there.
Hi Bel,
I will try to do this more often, at least nagging them is better than being a mute spectator, I never really did this because it seems to be rude to interrupt them repeatedly, but I also think it's pretty rude to speak in a language that excludes me, so I think I can call it even.
Thank you for the idea and response.