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Difficult people in your environment
Hello guys,
As you know, every culture or group has some different values, attitudes, and behaviors.
From where I come from, Israel, the peripheral cities and some industries are full of people like this:
https://youtu.be/r11iMPZp1Zc
Ignore the song, can't find other good examples, but look at the people's behavior. Very dominant, touchy, direct, and informal, some may even say vulgar, but *mostly* in a very emotional, warm, intimate manner. I'm sure for them that just “normal” behavior but for me, it's kinda too much.
While the big cities are (moderately) more westernized, I always feel a bit clueless when I need to deal with those people, and there is a lot of them here. In my expanded family too and even in higher positions of the society (albeit when they got there they try acting more “collected”)
I'm wondering if it's only unique to my area or you familiar with something similar, or even difficult people but from the extreme opposite way of behavior, and what is your strategy to make the most out of these interactions with them.
Cheers!
Yeah, I'm also familiar with that style, and also don't like heavy touching.
Most of all not from strangers or semi-stranger, since to me it signals "danger" as in the sense of pickpockets or someone who's testing the ground to see if you're gonna roll over and let them dominate you.
From friends and social circle, I'm more OK with it since I equate it to "a very touchy way of showing affection / liking".
In that video example though it seems to me it was very alcohol-fueled, and mostly confined to the younger men who were in party/show-off mode.
It should be easy to avoid it, and I'd probably actually advise to avoid it that company.
The cooler people as well as the more attractive females are rarely found in the middle of heavily inebriated guys slobbering on each other while butchering some sappy song.
Yeah from a second view I can see your point, it's a (bit) exaggerate but I want it to be an obvious example.
While I'm trying to avoid this type, I hate getting “dominated” by them in social events or workplace and sometimes framed as “cold” or “closed”, they acting “not sophisticated” but they know very well what they doing.
I'm thinking acting the same back to them, but I'm afraid they will think I'm liking them and be stickier even more ? or losing social points from the “normal” circle for behaving like this if it's in front of people.
I'm telling you if this guys want they can push someone to a lose-win situation every time if your style is more “collected”. This is a smart strategy from them in some ways.
This is very funny video. As we say in french: these guys are not drinking sour milk. I would say that beside avoiding them, you can remove their arms with a smile and it's all good. Just doing it gently is fine. It's a matter of assertiveness I think.
Quote from John Freeman on February 6, 2021, 2:43 pmThis is very funny video. As we say in french: these guys are not drinking sour milk. I would say that beside avoiding them, you can remove their arms with a smile and it's all good. Just doing it gently is fine. It's a matter of assertiveness I think.
I like that approach, definitely worth trying, being gentle though may not be enough with them, but that's what they appreciate ?
Also one option:
Hey man, I love you... But within a safe distance, if you know what I mean
the first time you say smiling, and if they keep insisting, you get more and more serious.
At the end of the day, you can easily win this frame if you are convinced that it's not cool to touch people too much when they expressly said it's not cool.
The way you're talking, it's possible that you might not have internalized that you have the right to:
- express closeness at a larger distance
- that it doesn't make you any less warm or friendly
- and that you have the right to insist the interaction happens at the distance you're comfortable with
It's also an option to do say that you don't like the closeness because it feels gay to you.
Then, that way, if they frame you as "stuffy", you have an equally powerful negative frame for their choice of behavior.
Thanks, Lucio, yes indeed it's a mindset trap that I fell for/pushed into for too long, but not too late ;)
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 6, 2021, 9:59 pmIt's also an option to do say that you don't like the closeness because it feels gay to you.
Then, that way, if they frame you as "stuffy", you have an equally powerful negative frame for their choice of behavior.
Haha that is a genius move! ?? I should come up with this long ago, can't wait to use this one!
Ehehe yeah, let me know how it goes man :)
