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Dominant body language: how to nod when listening?
Hello guys,
I now know that nodding is a submissive gesture. I am working on upgrading my nodding body language when listening to someone, no matter the rank of the other person in relation to you.
I think it is important to nod when listening because it is part of active listening. However I never saw a good example of dominant nodding when listening. I know slow is better than fast and a little is better than too much.
Has any one of you seen one in a movie or YT?
Or do you think I should remove the nodding altogether?
Hi John!
I know that if you're using dominant nonverbals, that you're conveying that you're high-power.
Therefore, if you remove the nodding (AKA: confirming attention signals) altogether, you could wind up being perceived as cold-blooded and distant (AKA: a CB).
Refusing to nod altogether could communicate that you don't care about the conversation (or worse, the person you're talking to), which is low-warmth (emotionally distant, hence the CB reference) and harmful to your social power since it has a good chance of breaking rapport.
Based on my understanding, you want your nodding to be somewhat submissive so you can balance out the high-power presentation that comes with dominant body language with high-warmth signals (AKA: friendly signals). That balance will help you be perceived as less of a CB and more of a social charmer.
However, to avoid looking too submissive, I typically slowly nod upward periodically throughout the conversation instead of the common mistake of submissively nodding downward repeatedly.
I will also occasionally replace the nodding with "mmhmm" utterances.
A Warning on Utterances
Due to this decision, I have to be careful and watchful of when exactly I choose to use those utterances. If I'm not, I could appear as if I agree with something that I don't actually agree with simply because I wanted to communicate that I was still listening.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-22179-001
I found this seemingly new paper and wanted to share it with you guys, I post it here as it is related to dominant body language, not with the specific sub-topic in this post, let me now if there is a better place to move it there or feel free to repost it if and where you find it more convenient!
Converging evidence suggests that high rank is communicated through various nonverbal behaviors (e.g., expansiveness), but prior studies have not examined whether 2 distinct forms of high rank—known as prestige and dominance—are communicated through distinct nonverbal displays. Given the divergent messages that prestigious and dominant leaders need to send in order to attain and retain their place in the social hierarchy, theoretical accounts would suggest that individuals use distinct sets of nonverbal behaviors to communicate these 2 forms of high rank. In the present research, we tested this hypothesis in 7 studies, using carefully controlled experimental designs (Studies 1, 2, 3, 4a, and 4b) and the assessment of spontaneously displayed nonverbal behaviors that occurred during a lab-based group interaction (Study 5) and a real-world political contest (Study 6). Results converged across studies to show that prestige and dominance strategies are associated with distinct sets of nonverbal behaviors, which are largely consistent with theoretical predictions. Specifically, prestige, or the attainment of rank through earned respect, and dominance, or the use of intimidation and force to obtain power, are communicated from different head positions (i.e., tilted upward vs. downward), smiling behaviors (i.e., presence vs. absence of a symmetrical smile), and different forms of bodily expansion (i.e., subtle chest expansion vs. more grandiose space-taking). These findings provide the first evidence for 2 distinct signals of high rank, which spontaneously emerge in social interactions and guide social perceptions and the conferral of power. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2019 APA, all rights reserved)
Thank you guys!
Please excuse me for not answering earlier.
Ali: I did change my nodding based on your feed-back. So I now nod slower for 2-3 seconds and stop and then do it again if I want to show my agreement or my active listening.
Stef: it is very interesting research, thanks for sharing!
you are welcome
guys what about saying things like: " i am listening", "interesting", "tell me more", etc. so it makes clear you are paying attention, interested, and in a way you come as someone listening and judging or analising what you are being told (more dependant on how you say it.)
Quote from Stef on September 23, 2020, 2:22 amyou are welcome
guys what about saying things like: " i am listening", "interesting", "tell me more", etc. so it makes clear you are paying attention, interested, and in a way you come as someone listening and judging or analising what you are being told (more dependant on how you say it.)
"Tell me more" can be very high power as it's a mild form of tasking.
"Interesting" I use a lot.
"I am listening" might be an overkill. Ideally, the speaker should know that without you stating it clearly. Also, could be submissive, as if you're saying "you are sharing knowledge, and I am (just) absorbing".
On average women need and vibe better with more reassurances of continued listening. So it can be a good idea to use more utterances like "mmhmm", "OK", "yeah", "wow" and the likes with women. And so especially in the beginning, when you're still developing rapport.
Yes, I also think the delivery may decide, sometimes more than the specific words per se, how you come across in this scenario.
Quote from Stef on September 23, 2020, 3:57 amYes, I also think the delivery may decide, sometimes more than the specific words per se, how you come across in this scenario.
Definitely.
You could say "I am listening" with a dominant tone, and then just with the tonality turn it into an actual "go ahead".
