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Don't stew: better drawing your boundaries later, than never

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Thanks both.  Lucio that's exactly the framework I was looking for.  Your guidance is the impetus and secret sauce  here.

Matthew that work place poker example was in the back of my mind.  It's unwise for men particularly to have any interactions with HR these days.  And if you have to I d bend over backwards for whatever they want.

So it appears that the direct talk is probably rarely going to be effective in the hyper competitive covert aggressive modern work place.  And if you do decide to go there it's probably later once you ve gathered more information.  Important info - as a contractor I always have the odds stacked against.

Therefore in my notes I m relegating it to a less important tactic.  It won't make my 'one default thing' list.

 

 

Lucio Buffalmano and Matthew Whitewood have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Thank you for the kind words, Kevin!

Quote from Transitioned on May 26, 2021, 11:28 pm

So it appears that the direct talk is probably rarely going to be effective in the hyper competitive covert aggressive modern work place.  And if you do decide to go there it's probably later once you ve gathered more information.  Important info - as a contractor I always have the odds stacked against.

Therefore in my notes I m relegating it to a less important tactic.  It won't make my 'one default thing' list.

Yeah, if we had to generalize to the workplace, then the direct talk that addresses personal issues with open frankness is likely going to be the exception rather than the norm.

So I think it makes sense that this one doesn't go into the "default behavior" at work.

One can still go direct in the sense of "hey, that was not cool (stop doing it and/or I expect an apology)", but more for rude behavior. All else, better being strategic.

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Matthew WhitewoodTransitioned
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Context: Direct Vs Indirect Relates to the Concept of Thread-Expansion

I have been having some loopholes in my intuition on when to go direct vs indirect.
I had a brief thought that came to mind which I need to refine more.

Lucio and the community discussed avoiding thread-expanding on unproductive, negative topics.
In my mind, going direct means thread-expanding on the topic you want to address.

As such, I think understanding the consequences of thread expansion is essential to understand when to go direct vs indirect.

Going Direct Is Good When Thread-Expanding Will Be Productive

If going direct allows you to resolve the issue and allow for better collaboration, going direct is generally good.
If going direct causes thread expansion into competitive frames or highlights irreconcilable issues, going direct is generally not such a good idea.

Not sure when to go direct and assertive?
Think about whether interests align, how manipulative is the people in the environment and whether things skew towards collaboration or competition.
The nature of the specific situation should take more weight over the general environment.

In healthy environments, people can accept holding different points of view, power differences, put aside their egos for results and collaborate.
This is why going direct works.
Because you can thread expand into more uncomfortable topics.

In less-than-perfect environments, it's riskier to go direct.

Sometimes you do want to go direct though in unhealthy situations if you have walk-away power.
Because you can test if the situation can be improved and use the outcome to make a decision to stay or leave.

When Going Indirect, Re-Framing (Frame Control) Helps - Nuance, Social Finesse

This is why Lucio re-framed the situation when someone added something about not wanting Israeli in there.
Relevant thread in How to Skirt Political Landmines.

Thread-expanding on the current thread will be unproductive. (Direct/DESOE is unproductive)
So he re-frames the situation into something helpful to lead towards the intended outcome.

Mental Shortcut on When to Go Direct Vs Indirect

I was looking for a mental shortcut on when to go direct vs indirect.
At the moment, it is

Will thread-expanding on the topic in my mind help to achieve my intended outcome?

This can be relating to the relationship, team dynamics, project objectives, tasks, etc.

In terms of frames,

Will this frame be helpful in achieving the intended goal?

Would you have any thoughts on this?

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