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Efficient use of your focus

First of all, a small note 🙂 for me, focus = conscious focus, being aware of something in percise and effiecnt manner. It may be that for some it represents a slightly different meaning here or there, but this is the meaning I use when I write the word in the post below.

So as you probably already know, our focus is an important, yet limited resource, when I approach social situations, I find it difficult to concentrate on too many goals, and strategies, and also to be "inside" the situation or even just enjoy it or be "present /involved" when necessary - whether for achievement goals or whether it is to share an emotional connection with a loved one.

Over time, I learned several points in my quest to understand how to make the best use of focus:

1. The more I deal with it, I learn to split the focus in more directions, and if that is the case still to keep it. And despite all that, at my best, I can focus on three separate things at the same time at most before my ability to focus drops dramatically.
2. What is defined as "separate" is dynamic. Zebra, crocodile, and gorilla can be three separate things and can be one thing - wild animals. And yet, as the one thing is more general, there is a tendency to "forget" to include some of the items that I planned to include within the concept. Something that can be fatal during a social situation where goals are "forgotten" along the way because the "unified goal" or "umbrella concept" I focused on was too general.
3. I can learn to include additional items in a certain concept or reduce it and "clean" it of excess items - but it is still a continuous and quite constant learning process and it is easy to fall back to the familiar and old concepts as I remember them - unless I create a new concept. For example - the concept of dominance for me naturally does not have strong links to "kindness", and while it is possible to link a more "kindness" image to this concept, it is a constant effort for me that if I don't pay attention to it for a while will cause the concept to return to its original and natural meaning for me. Instead, I'm more comfortable attaching the word "good" and creating a "new concept" - good dominance. Also, the terms "dominant in practice" represents for me a person who is high in the hierarchy of dominance compared to "dominant in character" which is a person with dominant characteristics in his fundamental personality, which are actually a reduction of the meaning of the concept of dominance for me to two more concise and separate concepts.
4. In a social situation, we all have different goals, different natural weaknesses and strengths, things we are good and bad at in a less or unconscious way. To improve our less conscious weaknesses requires conscious work on them or in a different wording - utilization of the focus. One person is naturally dominant and weaker in developing friendships and emotional connection, and will probably use their focus for that. With me, and with many others - there are many weaknesses to cover and sometimes it is difficult to remember to be both dominant, also sociable, also confident, both calm, and both that and that and that and that. Therefore, an effective cognitive strategy is required to unify many concepts under one umbrella without losing some of them further along the journey without even noticing.
5. And on top of all this, what is correct for one situation is not for another, which makes it difficult to create a "super concept/goal/strategy" that I will focus on during these and other situations that will remain relevant to all of them. The tendency to choose something too general also does not help, since "doing the best" tends to be too "flowing" in many situations and without meaning and results. Without cognitive links from the thought of it to more defined and precise goals and effective social strategies it is difficult to get anywhere.

In conclusion, it seems that the challenge can be reduced to this:
Our focus is flexible and can be improved to a moderate extent, but ultimately limited. That's why we are fascinated and drawn to the idea of ​​All in one strategies and super-terms, which will be effective for at least most situations in our day-to-day lives. Something we can focus on in order to create order in reading the situation and planning the response to it, as well as create a sense of security and certainty.
Likewise, our ability to generalize a tree of concepts/things under one concept/thing without losing at least some of them along the way is also flexible to some extent but ultimately limited.
When there are few things you want to accomplish, it is not difficult to focus. Maybe to be dominant, maybe to give value, maybe to forge friendships, maybe to be seductive, maybe a good father. But when there are many goals to focus on all the time - whether it stems from too many personal weaknesses or the diverse nature of social situations - it is difficult to create one umbrella to hold on to in the face of the variety of situations you face, and then the difficulty remains:
Where should my focus be? Is it possible to produce such an umbrella? And if not, am I doomed to make an endless scattered and exhausting jingle or give up and flow like a purposeless fish with my automatic natural patterns?

John Freeman, Transitioned and Kavalier have reacted to this post.
John FreemanTransitionedKavalier

This is definitely not a put down you have huge potential me not so much at my age,  more musings about life stage.  Us old guys love to ramble...  I'm going to take this in the big life question direction of what is worth the focus.

IMHO it kind of depends on life stage.  As I recall you are young.  What to focus on - where is the gold is the big question then?   It is also your skill acquisition time.

My 2 cents worth:

Graze some advice on the big questions  e.g. as a starting point

some people swear by poor Charlie's almanac

Season that classic advice with some new advice - youtube I guess.  E.g. how does that advice stack up in the AI world.  Can you turn that investment into a side hustle too?

When in doubt focus on human skills - you have made a fantastic start being here.

Look to your duty to the ancestors - 2/3s of people have kids.  Those are betting odds.

Become an expert in some field - I bet when Lucio was starting those early blog posts he never could have dreamed what TPM would become.


John Freeman and Kavalier have reacted to this post.
John FreemanKavalier

I agree with Transitioned.

If you're talking specifically about social skills/power dynamics/dating I think it's good to identify what will give you the most ROI. As mentioned here, I think it's good to start focusing on social skills and/or communication skills. We're never too good at this.

Also having the mindset high warmth/high power.

From there, I think what matters the most is to have experience. It's better to go out with friends, organize a party, having a date than to read about it. 1 hour of real-life experience has much more ROI. Then you come back here and you share your challenges.

Over time, I think it will be clearer what is the area you need to start with as there are many aspects to it. So I would say identify if you want to improve professionnally, socially or in dating and then have more experiences in the area you decided. Go on more dates or invite more people at your place/go to social events.

Transitioned has reacted to this post.

John nailed it - learning by doing always.   It's kind of like old time gold mining you dig around until you find your vein of gold and then mine it.

Just a word about safe learning.

I am sure this is in power University somewhere  these days lucio has you covered there are no gaps.

I would also suggest the principle of Separate circles.   What the old time pick up guys used to do was take a day trip out to some country town and Spam approach.  Farmers markets used to be a classic venue for that.

Cold approach is brutal  you are going to get you are going to get heaps of rejections.

Now that is pretty extreme I'm not suggesting you have to do that but Maybe you have a study circle and a work circle and a sports circle circle and a hobby circle  that way if there is any big disaster big disaster you can let the heat die down and then reenter while you work your other circles.  Obviously  same thing applies  to group chat.





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