Former Community – We Moved
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Emily's journal
After dabbling through some of fellow members' journals I feel it would be a great way to keep a journal and log progress or random thoughts that might not merit a place in more specific subforums. Glad that we have the option here.
I think I have a lot of frustration that (emotional management is something I need to work on) I don't think I'm any lesser than my peers but the things I get, the treatment I receive, don't seem to be matching the efforts I put in - there must be something that I can improve drastically to help with my life outcomes in general. So I'm back to PU studies after taking a few months break - much needed in order to reconstruct my life after traumatic grad school experience.
For now I'd like to study the remaining sections of PU curriculum (about 60 some sections) and keep posting every week here. My goal is to have a good grasp of all PU material by end of this year.
Welcome to this side of the forum, Emily!
Always cool to see people who make that type of (public) commitment to self-development.
Thank you, Lucio, for the encouragement as always. Thought this is the best way to keep myself on track in terms of learning.
Echoing the post about the parents we never have, I am having my mother visit me for a few days after quite a while and I realized that my parents have always been trying to mold me into someone I really am not. She said I'd changed a lot and I'm not as gentle and meek as before, in that I am more "sharp". I don't even know what that means. She probably feels that I am not as submissive as before. It made me feel that my mother always wanted me to be in this mold of a "perfect female" - almost a barbie-like doll in terms of personality but I am something different. I have ambitions and confidence that I can contribute to something bigger. At the meantime, my dad always saw me as what I could achieve -attached to fame such as association with famous organizations and such. This is also misleading because yes it's great to achieve but I'm not just what I can or cannot do - and I felt that he never really knows me - my values, my aspirations, which is a shame, but I just grew out of what their expectations are and become more true to myself. Right now I am still carrying a lot of habits surrounding those images, this is  subconscious and I'm uncovering them more consciously by studying power dynamics, and I would like to break those layers that don't serve me anymore, piece by piece.
A lot has happened in the past few weeks - some more time with family made me realize the upsides of practical life. I want to be more integrated with what I want to be and what is. Day in and day out I grow a bit frustrated with the dark sides of us - myself included. Therefore I'm here to learn and accept the darkness, the mindanity, the wants and desires, the fears and anxiety, all of it, embrace it, that's in a living human.
Recently I've been feeling that I gotta establish a more balanced lifestyle and mindset. A few to do:
1. Declutter - usually I'm pretty good with this physically but I need to do it mentally and emotionally as well, have less stimuli in general and let things go, focus on one priority for a time, have deep work and reflective time etc. etc.
2. Get to exercise ad early as possible in the morning - snaps me out of negativity, overthinking and general sluggishness.
3. Per point 1, straighten out my priorities. For example, the journey of entrepreneurship hasn't officially started, I need to more actively think about resources and tasks for me to get things going.
Feeling a bit guilty as I haven't been as active here - of course a lot of things make me think about power dynamics and the materials and discussions here. Sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish if I have a strong feeling about a topic because of my unique past or personality, or it is going to be valuable for the general audience here at the forum. Recently travelled to Africa - very different and enriching experience, but also observing the group dynamics with my fellow travelers was interesting and sometimes confusing.
New year's resolution - systemic health issue fix (diet, exercise, sleep). I am coming out of a long-term health problem and just stabilized a bit but still not feeling at my best most of days, probably due to low-grade chronic inflammation. Sometimes I feel the modern society is really not conducive to building optimal health - abundant junk food, a more sedentary lifestyle, stress, health hypes, broken healthcare systems. There seems to be a disconnect between the trend of health/fitness social media influencers and the average Joe being obese and sick. Anyway, I already know a lot being in the health field, but time to execute and be curious, and face challenges and practice problem-solving.
Also, want to have more direction in entrepreneurship - need to brainstorm and break down steps.
Hope it would be a fruitful year for friends here and loved ones.
