Encouragement power move: defense
Hello guys,
I think that it is well known now that when somebody encourages you, it frames you as needing encouragement. Here is my approach: I encourage them back. This accomplishes two things: it puts them back on the same level and it builds collaboration.
Person: I wish you courage (French expression).
Me: Thanks. I wish you courage too.
Even if they're going home or anything else. It does not matter. I thank them and wish them the same. The exception is that if it comes from a superior. Then I just say "Thanks".
It's one of these little power moves that if you let them slip over and over, it can frame an equal or a subordinate as a superior.
As you guys might know I like the mirroring technique and it works well in this situation. What I like about the mirroring technique is that it cannot be countered. When you say something to someone the person cannot be pissed off if you say back what they told you.
It's quite a simple technique actually.
Quote from John Freeman on March 13, 2022, 8:54 amWhat I like about the mirroring technique is that it cannot be countered. When you say something to someone the person cannot be pissed off if you say back what they told you.
This is a super insight John! Will start implementing it in my life ASAP.
Thanks John, I like this a lot.
I think it works very well with "stock sentences".
Might not work the same in some other situations where the encouragement is more specific -ie. it's less suitable to say "you too" if they said "go to that date and be brave" but they don't have a date to go to-.
But with stock sentences it's great.
If one wanted to power move, then I'd say:
- Remove the "thanks", which otherwise confirms their frame -you can just nod instead-
- Expand your encouragement
Something like:
Him: I wish you courage (French expression)
You: Much courage to you too (or: "cheers, even more courage to you")
I'm glad it's helpful, Bel.
Thanks for your answer, Lucio. I agree with you, it's calibrated for stock phrases. Thanks for the power move, I will definitely use it.
For more specific situations, I either say "thanks" if I need the encouragement and smile.
Or if I don't, I say: "Oh, it's going to be alright" with a tone of "no big deal" and a smile. For instance when a subordinate obviously power moves me out of nowhere and we don't have such a close relationship that it is warranted.
I'm being careful of not rejecting encouragement so much. Because sometimes I do need encouragement and support. I think we all do.
Quote from John Freeman on March 15, 2022, 6:25 pmI'm being careful of not rejecting encouragement so much. Because sometimes I do need encouragement and support. I think we all do.
I'm curious:
Do they work for you as an encouragement?
I think that honest support is awesome, but most of the times I've heard it was either stock sentence (and empty words), power moves, or emotionally out of sync support.
Emotionally out of sync is, for example, when I'm sharing something not great about me or that happened to me, and someone says something to the tune of "I'm sorry, you're so awesome, things will get better...".
But I wasn't sorry at all or wasn't doubting myself, but simply wanted to share a story that didn't happen to be a good one.
NOT a power move in this case, but a great gesture from someone who cares.
However, that still doesn't make it "effective".
In brief, it seems to me that encouragement rarely worked for me, even when it wasn't a power move.
But curious to hear if it might be different for someone else.