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Evaluating your own power and making the most of it

#1 · September 23, 2020, 7:26 am

Quote from JP on September 23, 2020, 7:26 am
It has come to my attention that most of us (including me) don't realize how much power we actually have, and a lot of it is unrealized. Some examples of "unused power" off the top of my head include:
Extended family members (people with connections)
Born into a middle class family
Citizenship (being able to vote, especially in a 1st world country)
Membership in professional organizations
Working for large corporation
I would say that when it comes to building your own power, it is in your best interest to make full use of what is available to you. Corresponding to the bullet points above, here is what most people do, and what you can do instead:
Extended family members (people with connections)
Most people: Don't stay in touch with relatives, especially ones that are in another country
You: Make an effort to reach out to your familial connections, and stay in touch. Familial connections are probably the easiest ones to leverage
Born into a middle class family
Most people: Don't leverage their family's connections to get a better job, because it's "cheating"
You: Leverage your connections, because that is how the game of life is actually played.
Citizenship (being able to vote, especially in a 1st world country)
Most people: Don't vote (especially the younger generation in 1st world countries)
You: Get involved in a political party, and not only vote in the general elections, but the elections within the political party so that you have a say in who gets to be leader.
Membership in professional organizations
Most people: Just pay their dues, and mind their own business. Do the bare minimum to keep their membership
You: Get involved when you can, use it as an opportunity to meet CEOs or other influential people, maybe even showcase your work
Working for large corporation
Most people: Just go to work, and do the same thing day in and day out.
You: Take ownership of your work, try taking on more responsibility in the job you actually want (management for example). Try to get in contact with as many influential people as possible.
Would anyone else like to add more missed opportunities?

It has come to my attention that most of us (including me) don't realize how much power we actually have, and a lot of it is unrealized. Some examples of "unused power" off the top of my head include:

Extended family members (people with connections)
Born into a middle class family
Citizenship (being able to vote, especially in a 1st world country)
Membership in professional organizations
Working for large corporation

I would say that when it comes to building your own power, it is in your best interest to make full use of what is available to you. Corresponding to the bullet points above, here is what most people do, and what you can do instead:

Extended family members (people with connections)
- Most people: Don't stay in touch with relatives, especially ones that are in another country
- You: Make an effort to reach out to your familial connections, and stay in touch. Familial connections are probably the easiest ones to leverage
Born into a middle class family
- Most people: Don't leverage their family's connections to get a better job, because it's "cheating"
- You: Leverage your connections, because that is how the game of life is actually played.
Citizenship (being able to vote, especially in a 1st world country)
- Most people: Don't vote (especially the younger generation in 1st world countries)
- You: Get involved in a political party, and not only vote in the general elections, but the elections within the political party so that you have a say in who gets to be leader.
Membership in professional organizations
- Most people: Just pay their dues, and mind their own business. Do the bare minimum to keep their membership
- You: Get involved when you can, use it as an opportunity to meet CEOs or other influential people, maybe even showcase your work
Working for large corporation
- Most people: Just go to work, and do the same thing day in and day out.
- You: Take ownership of your work, try taking on more responsibility in the job you actually want (management for example). Try to get in contact with as many influential people as possible.

Would anyone else like to add more missed opportunities?

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#2 · September 23, 2020, 10:12 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 23, 2020, 10:12 am
Hello JP, long time, and coming back with a bang, LOVE this idea.
I think the vast majority of people =me included- have some untapped power sources or potential for more that they fail to realize. And some of them can be some easy win, or at least present the potential for big changes in life.
I'm gonna add a few more, and for now focus on two more added value that can come from this list:
Discussing (untapped) power sources
Extended family members (people with connections): sooo true
Sometimes this even becomes close family members, who can be some of your best sources of support and be a sort of "insurance" against big life upsets.
For example, a former Russian GF of mine was living abroad in Berlin, and only had her sister there.
And they were constantly fighting and going on long spells without talking.
Her sister could have been a source of mutual support for both of them.
Born into a middle class family (& leveraging connections)
Yes, and I fell victim for that one, too.
Thinking that because someone referred you, then it was cheating.
But good referrals are often earned.
And this is basic psychology, too: everyone prefers to hire/deal with someone who has been referred by a friend. One, because it increases the chances of being a good match / good person. And two, because they are doing a favor to the friend, thus adding more value to their own network.
Citizenship / voting
I agree that one could stop for a second and realize that if they're born in a democracy, they are already receiving empowering benefits they can leverage.
Personally not so convinced about the power of voting, since purely from a rational and give/take point of view, if you live in a country of millions, the effort of voting and following politics will take much of your time, while only partially moving the needle (that changes if you're closer to the decision makers, though).
Power sources one could probably dip into, but many don't think of
A second passport
Connections at the ready: knowing people with strong expertise or power that you can call or connect to gives you power to make intros (but don't abuse it, I've received plenty of useless intros where people where clearly doing it to look good to me or someone else, but there was no value-adding opportunity and it was just time waste)
Keeping track of cool places: being able to suggest restaurants or bars where people can go is a way of giving value (plus gives you topics to talk about, and gives you places where to bring people)
Expertise to share: some people are passionate about something, but don't think they might also share tips and advice on how to get good at it, which is a missed opportunity for status, value-giving, and networking

Hello JP, long time, and coming back with a bang, LOVE this idea.

I think the vast majority of people =me included- have some untapped power sources or potential for more that they fail to realize. And some of them can be some easy win, or at least present the potential for big changes in life.

I'm gonna add a few more, and for now focus on two more added value that can come from this list:

Discussing (untapped) power sources

Extended family members (people with connections): sooo true

Sometimes this even becomes close family members, who can be some of your best sources of support and be a sort of "insurance" against big life upsets.

For example, a former Russian GF of mine was living abroad in Berlin, and only had her sister there.
And they were constantly fighting and going on long spells without talking.

Her sister could have been a source of mutual support for both of them.

Born into a middle class family (& leveraging connections)

Yes, and I fell victim for that one, too.
Thinking that because someone referred you, then it was cheating.

But good referrals are often earned.
And this is basic psychology, too: everyone prefers to hire/deal with someone who has been referred by a friend. One, because it increases the chances of being a good match / good person. And two, because they are doing a favor to the friend, thus adding more value to their own network.

Citizenship / voting

I agree that one could stop for a second and realize that if they're born in a democracy, they are already receiving empowering benefits they can leverage.
Personally not so convinced about the power of voting, since purely from a rational and give/take point of view, if you live in a country of millions, the effort of voting and following politics will take much of your time, while only partially moving the needle (that changes if you're closer to the decision makers, though).

Power sources one could probably dip into, but many don't think of

A second passport
Connections at the ready: knowing people with strong expertise or power that you can call or connect to gives you power to make intros (but don't abuse it, I've received plenty of useless intros where people where clearly doing it to look good to me or someone else, but there was no value-adding opportunity and it was just time waste)
Keeping track of cool places: being able to suggest restaurants or bars where people can go is a way of giving value (plus gives you topics to talk about, and gives you places where to bring people)
Expertise to share: some people are passionate about something, but don't think they might also share tips and advice on how to get good at it, which is a missed opportunity for status, value-giving, and networking

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#3 · September 24, 2020, 4:49 pm

Quote from JP on September 24, 2020, 4:49 pm
Thanks for the kudos Lucio. Yes, it's been a while :-)
And this is basic psychology, too: everyone prefers to hire/deal with someone who has been referred by a friend. One, because it increases the chances of being a good match / good person. And two, because they are doing a favor to the friend, thus adding more value to their own network.
110%. Majority of people don't understand that businesses don't hire people based on competence or productivity, they hire based on value. Value can come in competence or productivity, but can also come in other forms (but not limited to):
Personality-- having the right personality is important for team cohesion. Being comfortable with dealing with your team mates means being able to communicate effectively, which reduces misunderstandings.
Trust-- some jobs don't require a high level of competence, and puts trust at a premium above all. This is specifically why people hire family for some senior positions, it's more likely that you'll get stabbed in the back by someone who's not family, then someone who is.
Fame-- Even if you literally don't do anything at your job, you can give value by simply being associated with a company, to give some exposure. It's well known that famous celebrities get invited to become directors at some companies for exactly this reason.
I agree that one could stop for a second and realize that if they're born in a democracy, they are already receiving empowering benefits they can leverage.
Personally not so convinced about the power of voting, since purely from a rational and give/take point of view, if you live in a country of millions, the effort of voting and following politics will take much of your time, while only partially moving the needle (that changes if you're closer to the decision makers, though).
Very true. Although one vote doesn't usually make or break an election, having citizenship to the free world is extremely advantageous; I probably should've worded it better. Some perks include: political participation (can hold office), subsidy eligibility (including education), lack of travel restrictions (visa free travel), and you cannot be deported.
As someone who has been around permanent residents and international students, it's interesting to see how excited they get when they obtain their full citizenship. To them, it's almost like winning the lottery.
A second passport
Connections at the ready: knowing people with strong expertise or power that you can call or connect to gives you power to make intros (but don't abuse it, I've received plenty of useless intros where people where clearly doing it to look good to me or someone else, but there was no value-adding opportunity and it was just time waste)
Keeping track of cool places: being able to suggest restaurants or bars where people can go is a way of giving value (plus gives you topics to talk about, and gives you places where to bring people)
Expertise to share: some people are passionate about something, but don't think they might also share tips and advice on how to get good at it, which is a missed opportunity for status, value-giving, and networking
Yes, being able to suggest cool places is definitely underutilized. Great social proof if you know the people working there too.
Having expertise in something and not sharing it is for sure something that is underutilized.
To add onto my original post, are some extra examples I'd like to add:
University alumni-- I managed to get an informational interview once, just because the only connection we had was that we went through the same program together.
Being able to speak another language-- This would be similar to the second passport that Lucio mentioned.
I think a good rule of thumb is that any time we as individuals are a part of an institute, organization, or some sort of "in-group" that we haven't at least tried to leveraged at some point, it is wasted. Granted, I think the main issues are two-fold:
People not knowing how to leverage their unrealized power effectively (afraid to reach out or ask for help, don't know how to ask for help without coming off as a leech)
People not knowing their unrealized and untapped power sources. Sometimes, it just "never occurred" to them

Thanks for the kudos Lucio. Yes, it's been a while :-)

And this is basic psychology, too: everyone prefers to hire/deal with someone who has been referred by a friend. One, because it increases the chances of being a good match / good person. And two, because they are doing a favor to the friend, thus adding more value to their own network.

110%. Majority of people don't understand that businesses don't hire people based on competence or productivity, they hire based on value. Value can come in competence or productivity, but can also come in other forms (but not limited to):

Personality-- having the right personality is important for team cohesion. Being comfortable with dealing with your team mates means being able to communicate effectively, which reduces misunderstandings.
Trust-- some jobs don't require a high level of competence, and puts trust at a premium above all. This is specifically why people hire family for some senior positions, it's more likely that you'll get stabbed in the back by someone who's not family, then someone who is.
Fame-- Even if you literally don't do anything at your job, you can give value by simply being associated with a company, to give some exposure. It's well known that famous celebrities get invited to become directors at some companies for exactly this reason.

I agree that one could stop for a second and realize that if they're born in a democracy, they are already receiving empowering benefits they can leverage.
Personally not so convinced about the power of voting, since purely from a rational and give/take point of view, if you live in a country of millions, the effort of voting and following politics will take much of your time, while only partially moving the needle (that changes if you're closer to the decision makers, though).

Very true. Although one vote doesn't usually make or break an election, having citizenship to the free world is extremely advantageous; I probably should've worded it better. Some perks include: political participation (can hold office), subsidy eligibility (including education), lack of travel restrictions (visa free travel), and you cannot be deported.

As someone who has been around permanent residents and international students, it's interesting to see how excited they get when they obtain their full citizenship. To them, it's almost like winning the lottery.

A second passport
Connections at the ready: knowing people with strong expertise or power that you can call or connect to gives you power to make intros (but don't abuse it, I've received plenty of useless intros where people where clearly doing it to look good to me or someone else, but there was no value-adding opportunity and it was just time waste)
Keeping track of cool places: being able to suggest restaurants or bars where people can go is a way of giving value (plus gives you topics to talk about, and gives you places where to bring people)
Expertise to share: some people are passionate about something, but don't think they might also share tips and advice on how to get good at it, which is a missed opportunity for status, value-giving, and networking

Yes, being able to suggest cool places is definitely underutilized. Great social proof if you know the people working there too.

Having expertise in something and not sharing it is for sure something that is underutilized.

To add onto my original post, are some extra examples I'd like to add:

University alumni-- I managed to get an informational interview once, just because the only connection we had was that we went through the same program together.
Being able to speak another language-- This would be similar to the second passport that Lucio mentioned.

I think a good rule of thumb is that any time we as individuals are a part of an institute, organization, or some sort of "in-group" that we haven't at least tried to leveraged at some point, it is wasted. Granted, I think the main issues are two-fold:

People not knowing how to leverage their unrealized power effectively (afraid to reach out or ask for help, don't know how to ask for help without coming off as a leech)
People not knowing their unrealized and untapped power sources. Sometimes, it just "never occurred" to them

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#4 · September 26, 2020, 2:00 am

Great post, JP.

Totally agree with you on the fear/reservations some people have in asking for help -this one is more often valid for men than women, by the way-.
That leads to a total and chronic under-utilization of one's own network.

Another big one I've noticed in many people, myself included:

Under-utilization of the power of cash: either throwing it away, or not leveraging it enough

In my case, it was more like under-leveraging than throwing it away, including:

Wasting time: for example, walking or waiting for buses when my time was worth more than a cab ride fare. Or cleaning my own house instead of hiring
Poor nutrition: "saving" money on products that directly impact your health, one of the dumbest things ever. This would have been one of top 5 things I'd tell my past self
Missing personal growth opportunities: saving money not buying a course, book, seminar or consultation that could have helped you increase your skills 10x faster
Missing "facilitation" opportunities: there will be plenty of times in our lives when breaking a rule will add value without harming anyone, but you still can't do it. In those cases, using money as a way of finding ways around the nonsense rules can help you achieve your goals

And finally, maybe not as directly related to power, but definitely related to life:

Missing happiness opportunities: it's been well documented that experiences and little daily joys make us happier. Saving money to enjoy a nice meal, a wine, ride a jet-ski, ride a supercar around a racetrack etc. etc... All make us duller and unhappier

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#5 · September 26, 2020, 2:10 am

I love this thread, sometimes we are searching outside for something we have plenty in ourself (maybe just in a different flavor) that we are not even taking full advantage of, and the correct order of doing things (optimizing first what is already in your hands) can have big consequences.

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#6 · October 2, 2020, 3:42 pm

Quote from JP on October 2, 2020, 3:42 pm
...In my case, it was more like under-leveraging than throwing it away, including:
Wasting time: for example, walking or waiting for buses when my time was worth more than a cab ride fare. Or cleaning my own house instead of hiring
To add a bit to this, most people don't realize all the benefits that their credit card has, which includes:
Buyer protection
Warranty on products
Fraud protection
Concierge service--This is a big unknown to most. Mostly applies to premium cardholders
Cashback (it's like getting a discount on everything you buy)
Points (for travel, and the like)
Build credit history (so that you may take out loans, and get the prime rate)
Discounts with companies
Budgeting (the credit card statements automatically categorize and show you where the money went)
First dibs to concert tickets (and other events)
The only downside to using a credit card is that you need to pay them back on time, every time; and you need to pay off your total balance at the end of the month, otherwise you pay interest. Rest assured, there is an easy way to deal with this: other than spending within your means (which should be common sense), you can set up Pre-Authorized Debit to pay off your monthly balance for you, automatically.
If you know how to use a credit card properly, it is like an investment, because you're getting so much benefit back. I believe that they are only able to offer such high value because they make so much money off the majority of people, who are absolutely HORRIBLE with money.
Another quick one I just thought of: Making full use of your employer's retirement savings plan contribution matching (401k matching if you're American). Basically if you contribute a percentage of your wages to your retirement savings, your employer will match what you put in. It's basically free money. The caveats however, are that you are limited to what investments you can put money into, and since it's a retirement savings plan, you can't generally take out the money until you retire.
Both of these "power/money hacks" require stability of some sort, which in itself is a hack, since stability of your life situation is what allows you to work on your goals.

...In my case, it was more like under-leveraging than throwing it away, including:
Wasting time: for example, walking or waiting for buses when my time was worth more than a cab ride fare. Or cleaning my own house instead of hiring

To add a bit to this, most people don't realize all the benefits that their credit card has, which includes:

Buyer protection
Warranty on products
Fraud protection
Concierge service--This is a big unknown to most. Mostly applies to premium cardholders
Cashback (it's like getting a discount on everything you buy)
Points (for travel, and the like)
Build credit history (so that you may take out loans, and get the prime rate)
Discounts with companies
Budgeting (the credit card statements automatically categorize and show you where the money went)
First dibs to concert tickets (and other events)

The only downside to using a credit card is that you need to pay them back on time, every time; and you need to pay off your total balance at the end of the month, otherwise you pay interest. Rest assured, there is an easy way to deal with this: other than spending within your means (which should be common sense), you can set up Pre-Authorized Debit to pay off your monthly balance for you, automatically.

If you know how to use a credit card properly, it is like an investment, because you're getting so much benefit back. I believe that they are only able to offer such high value because they make so much money off the majority of people, who are absolutely HORRIBLE with money.

Another quick one I just thought of: Making full use of your employer's retirement savings plan contribution matching (401k matching if you're American). Basically if you contribute a percentage of your wages to your retirement savings, your employer will match what you put in. It's basically free money. The caveats however, are that you are limited to what investments you can put money into, and since it's a retirement savings plan, you can't generally take out the money until you retire.

Both of these "power/money hacks" require stability of some sort, which in itself is a hack, since stability of your life situation is what allows you to work on your goals.

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#7 · October 2, 2020, 10:02 pm

Credit card: LOVE IT!

As a matter of fact, I'm badly missing out on this one.

Time to look into credit card benefits soon, thank you JP!

Matching contributions

So true man.

I remember when I was in corporate, and DHL was offering matching contributions. As it's often the case, the matching contributions were up to a certain threshold, and it wasn't such a high threshold -maybe something 5% of the salary top-. And some of my colleagues were wondering how much they should invest in the plan.

To me, the answer was obvious: you should invest at minimum the amount that your company matches. Not doing so meant leaving money on the table.
And why would you leave money on the table?

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#8 · October 4, 2020, 2:26 pm

Another one:

Vantage-position information from people around you

By vantage position I mean information about you, your life, and your circumstances, that people around can assess better than you can.

For example, information about:

your relationship
your parnter's behavior
your own behavior
manipulations you might be mired on
excessive feelings or reactions that seemed justified to you, but that seem over-reactive to others
ticks, posture, easy vocal improvements one could undertake
...

It's difficult sometimes to judge, assess, and correct your own behavior. And it can be difficult to judge assess your partner and your relationship when you're in it and when feelings have developed.

And that's when an outsider's perspective could be prove invaluable.

I cannot count how many time I have thought in life: "man, if you just fucking asked me for a feedback on your behavior, or on what you could do now, and you'd be open to listen.... That could totally revolutionize your life.

On the other hand, I think of how many people have -or have had- that type of information about me, but they never shared it for fear of offending.
Sometimes I tried to ask, and when I could finally pry open some personal feedback people had about me, it helped me hugely to improve and develop.

There could be a treasure hidden within the very people around you. The more observant they are, the bigger that treasure could be. It's well worth trying to reach it.

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#9 · October 5, 2020, 3:42 am

Vantage-position information

We can also think of it as: "eliciting/encouraging honest-feedback"

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#10 · October 5, 2020, 9:45 am

Quote from Anon on October 5, 2020, 9:45 am
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 4, 2020, 2:26 pm
Another one:
Vantage-position information from people around you
By vantage position I mean information about you, your life, and your circumstances, that people around can assess better than you can.
For example, information about:
your relationship
your parnter's behavior
your own behavior
manipulations you might be mired on
excessive feelings or reactions that seemed justified to you, but that seem over-reactive to others
ticks, posture, easy vocal improvements one could undertake
...
It's difficult sometimes to judge, assess, and correct your own behavior. And it can be difficult to judge assess your partner and your relationship when you're in it and when feelings have developed.
And that's when an outsider's perspective could be prove invaluable.
A very valuable idea I think, this can totally boost you development enourmously, as our perception is naturally limited and the thread where you asked for multiple perspectives has further content on this topic.

One should be aware of some dangers though, for example I think it is very important to be first somewhat grounded in youself, and it's especially important to very carefully choose the people you ask about this.
Because if they are simply not able to judge situations in a rational way their feedback can be totally counterproductive, or if the people you ask are malicious they may jump on the opportunity and harm you, or at least try.

An example for not malicious but still counterproductive would be asking for feedback for approaching women from a friend who hasn't much experience and has his biased perceptions of what behaviour were appropriate and effective mostly from watching movies, sitcoms and shows. They may even try to pull you pack into more mainstream compatible behavior without being aware of it themselves.

So all in all I think it's important to make sure the people you ask are intelligent, unbiased, attentive, critical, honest and of course not malicious but trustworthy, at least for topics where you are seriously opening up and vulnerable.
One may test with topics one is very confident about beforehand on how they react in general to this and judge from there.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 4, 2020, 2:26 pm
Another one:
Vantage-position information from people around you
By vantage position I mean information about you, your life, and your circumstances, that people around can assess better than you can.
For example, information about:
your relationship
your parnter's behavior
your own behavior
manipulations you might be mired on
excessive feelings or reactions that seemed justified to you, but that seem over-reactive to others
ticks, posture, easy vocal improvements one could undertake
...
It's difficult sometimes to judge, assess, and correct your own behavior. And it can be difficult to judge assess your partner and your relationship when you're in it and when feelings have developed.
And that's when an outsider's perspective could be prove invaluable.

A very valuable idea I think, this can totally boost you development enourmously, as our perception is naturally limited and the thread where you asked for multiple perspectives has further content on this topic.

One should be aware of some dangers though, for example I think it is very important to be first somewhat grounded in youself, and it's especially important to very carefully choose the people you ask about this.

Because if they are simply not able to judge situations in a rational way their feedback can be totally counterproductive, or if the people you ask are malicious they may jump on the opportunity and harm you, or at least try.

An example for not malicious but still counterproductive would be asking for feedback for approaching women from a friend who hasn't much experience and has his biased perceptions of what behaviour were appropriate and effective mostly from watching movies, sitcoms and shows. They may even try to pull you pack into more mainstream compatible behavior without being aware of it themselves.

So all in all I think it's important to make sure the people you ask are intelligent, unbiased, attentive, critical, honest and of course not malicious but trustworthy, at least for topics where you are seriously opening up and vulnerable.

One may test with topics one is very confident about beforehand on how they react in general to this and judge from there.

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