Everyday Power by Elaine Eksvärd - Key Insights
I'm currently reading a book called "Vardagsmakt" (roughly translates to "Everyday Power") by Elaine Eksvärd. Elaine is a Swedish rhetoric- and power dynamics expert, and from the little I've listened and read from her I'm quite impressed.
Since her books aren't translated to English I figured I would share some of the key insights regarding power dynamics that I learn and post them here.
Chapter 1: the Power of Authority
Authority is a form of power that is based on credibility. The more authority you have the more likely you are to be respected and listened to. There are several ways to increase your authority power.
Dress the Part
To get authority power you need to separate yourself from the masses. The simplest way to do this is to dress differently than the people you are surrounded by. According to an experiment by Leonard Bickman, a person who dresses in casual clothes at the bus stop and asks people to move will have a success rate of 42%. If the same person instead wears a guard outfit people will do as he says 92% of the time. This goes to show that the way we dress has a huge impact on how much authority we have.
Of course, you can overdo it and dress too differently from everyone else, which will make you seem crazy. A rule of thumb is that the more authority you already have, the more freedom you have to dress however you like. Think for example of Steve Jobs in his old shoes, black polo shirt and grey jeans. When you have less authority you should instead opt for smaller changes in your clothing, such as adding a tie or a vest to differentiate yourself without appearing too weird.
Get Authority Reinforcement
When you lack authority you can borrow from other people. For example, if you're a younger person in a group of older high-power people you might find that nobody takes you seriously. However, if suddenly the most respected person in that group lifts you up by saying "Mats is the expert on this topic" you will now be a lot more respected as you have been lent the authority of the group leader.
You can also borrow it yourself by identifying who has the most authority, listening intently to what he/she says, and then starting your sentence with "I agree with what X said because...". This way your words will have more credibility while at the same time you've captured the group leaders attention. The rest of the group will do what the leader does and will therefore give you their attention as well. This is especially powerful if the leader likes what you says and starts nodding or agreeing.
Don't overdo this, since the more you borrow authority from others the less of your own you will have to work with.
Learn the Rhetoric of Authority
A very useful technique for increasing your authority in a group is what in rhetoric is known as copia. Copia is when you imitate the way other people speak. By looking at the person with the highest status in a group, and mimicking their tone of voice, their word choice, their sense of humor, their body language, etc, you increase your status in that very same group. This is something Larry King does on his talkshow; when his guests have more authority than him he will imitate them, and when they have less authority than him they will imitate him.
If you find that people don't listen to you when you speak, identify who they listen to the most and imitate their mannerisms.
How to Take Back the Authority Power
People can actively damage your credibility by acting disinterested or ignoring you when you speak. This makes other people subconsciously feel like what you say isn’t important. To counteract this you can repeat what you said directly to them in an unbothered and warm way.
Example: Someone picks up their phone and leaves the room as you speak. When they come back to the room you say “So Jake, what I was saying when you were gone was that…”.
Things to Focus on to Increase Authority
Some things that increase your authority need to be stated because they can’t be seen. For example, if you have a PHD it can increase your authority but only if you let people know.
The things that increase authority vary between countries and cultures. In Sweden, some of the things that give authority are: being a good parent, having a self-made fortune, being knowledgeable about a variety of things.
Rhetoric That Gives Authority
To get authority you need to speak in a confident way. This is basically what is covered in the high-power behavior in PU.
One useful thing here is how to counter people who speak in absolutes. An example from an interaction between Elaine and an academic who was listening to her lecture:
Academic: "Elaine, all that stuff about communication is unnecessary"
Elaine: "That's what you think"
Academic: (Taken aback) "No, that's how it is"
Elaine: "That's what you feel?"
Academic: (Getting irritated) "No, that's my experience"
Elaine: "Right, that's your experience"
The idea is that you always change their objective statements into subjective ones.
Different Careers Give Varying Authority Points
Depending on what career you've chosen you can leverage it to get more authority. For example, if you're a lawyer or a doctor you will generally (all other things being equal) get more respect than if you're an influencer.
This can sometimes be a hindrance as well, for example for women in dating it can be useful to not share your prestigious title.
Use Your and Other's Experience
Experience is one of the most powerful tools for getting credibility. We often listen more to people who have personal experience than people who have studied a lot.
One of the most successful coaches in Sweden, Mia Thörnblom, has no education and often highlights this in the following manner: "Oh I'm definitely not good at numbers and all those scientific studies about positive psychology. But I've been in the drug trenches and gotten myself out of there."
You don't need formal education or degrees to get authority, just highlight your own experience and you will be seen as credible.
Seeing Through Baseless Authority
When someone looks like a clear authority and speaks with the rhetoric of authority we often accept everything they say. This is a mistake. If your teacher, doctor, lawyer, or any other expert tells you something you are uncertain about, ask them about it. If they respond with any form of "because I'm a doctor/expert" or "I've been doing this for 20 years" you need to recognize that they are abusing their authority instead of proving that they are right. Always be careful when this happens and keep pressing for a real answer.
Use the Same Sources as the Authorities
Just because an authority is referencing a source doesn't mean you should just take their word for it. This is a common trend in religious circles where for example Christians will accept what their pastor is telling them because he has "read the Bible". What they don't understand is that they are just listening to his own interpretation of the Bible, and if they read it themselves they might see faults in his interpretation. Whenever someone uses a source, look up the source yourself and also look for counter arguments to what they are saying to see if they are right or not.
Authority in Groups
When you have a lot of authority it can harm the group. When people are in a group with a clear leader who has a lot of authority they can lose faith in themselves.
In the Swedish National Football Team there is a player called Zlatan Ibrahimovic who is a fantastic player. The problem is that because he is so much better than the rest of the team, everybody passes him the ball instead of taking chances themselves. A few years ago Zlatan didn't play in the World Cup, and Sweden actually performed better than they normally do without having their superstar forward.
This is not to say that you should avoid authority power, but you need to make sure that everyone in the group has some form of authority so that they don't become passive observers.
Be Comfortable Standing Out
The price for authority power is that you will always stand out. You will not look like other people, you will not act like other people. If you're not comfortable with being different, don't try to go for authority power, it will become very clear that you're faking it.
If you can own your differences with confidence, it doesn't matter who you are or what your background is, you will get the respect from the people around you.
How to Get Authority Power
A variety of questions and expressions to get authority power:
How can I reinforce my authority here?
Ask yourself this whenever you enter a situation where you need to increase your authority, especially if you lack the conventional factors that give authority in that circumstance (e.g. education, titles, etc). Look if you can borrow authority from someone else, but don't overdo it.
How do I make a copia of this?
Whenever you see someone who everybody listens to, don't just make a note of it, actively seek to copy the way they speak and move. Don't copy it completely but make it your own so you don't just become a cheap copycat.
"You're so right, I don't have any education in this field. What I do have is..."
Make sure you say this in a relaxed and undramatic way like Mia Thörnblom. Think about what people will say or think to discredit you and say it yourself first. That way it loses power. But also make sure to make up for it with something else.
"Marcus, I saw that you took a phone call when I started presenting, but I'll tell you what I said so you don't miss anything"
When people are silent or don't pay attention when you speak you should highlight it. Say something like "now it got very quiet but I''m curious to hear what you think". Say this with warmth and a smile.
"What's your background?"
A simple question to see through irrelevant authority. Ask it in a curious rather than a accusatory manner.
"I know that you're a doctor, but I want to know how this medication is going to help me specifically"
When people try to use their authority to get you to do something, show them that you have noted their authority but don't let it affect your decision. Instead move the focus to the argument in question.
What in my experience can boost my authority here?
Ask yourself this so you can make up for a lack of titles or education.
"This is how it is" not "Maybe it could be this way"
Speak with self assured rather than insecure word choice.
How will people see that I am an authority in this situation?
Authorities differentiate themselves from the masses, think about how you should look.
"I work as a cashier"
Present yourself as if you were the president of your nation. It doesn't matter what you title is as long as you present it with pride, people will respect you for it.
Avoid hubris
Pride comes before a fall. When you have won authority you need to refresh it every now and then. If you lean back on your past achievements you will lose your authority.
What can I find in the source that goes against what the authority claims that the same source is saying?
Use the same source as the authority to check if he is right. If he isn't you can easily discredit him by using his own source against him.
You can use reverse authority reinforcement
If you have several poorly raised kids you might not be an authority in raising kids, but you can use the reverse effect of "don't do what I did".
"You do as I say"
There are aggressive authorities who threaten and humiliate the people around them. You won't get to these people through authority, but you can take them down by winning over the people around them.
This was the first chapter of the book. I'll try to do this for all 10 chapters of the book but I'm a slow reader, and translating is harder than I thought.
If anybody has any thoughts on any of this I'm happy to read.
Cheers
Quote from Mats G on May 30, 2023, 12:19 amDress the Part
To get authority power you need to separate yourself from the masses. The simplest way to do this is to dress differently than the people you are surrounded by. According to an experiment by Leonard Bickman, a person who dresses in casual clothes at the bus stop and asks people to move will have a success rate of 42%. If the same person instead wears a guard outfit people will do as he says 92% of the time. This goes to show that the way we dress has a huge impact on how much authority we have.
Of course, you can overdo it and dress too differently from everyone else, which will make you seem crazy. A rule of thumb is that the more authority you already have, the more freedom you have to dress however you like. Think for example of Steve Jobs in his old shoes, black polo shirt and grey jeans. When you have less authority you should instead opt for smaller changes in your clothing, such as adding a tie or a vest to differentiate yourself without appearing too weird.
What I found works for me, after studying Lucio's posts on this and some other websites, is dressing toward the top of the range for the specific style/setting.
In other words, rather than dressing "different" (which is what Jobs was doing, ie using a "smart casual style" instead of a "business style"), dress "better" (ie remain within the accepted style for the occasion, but dress better fit/quality than others do on average).
A big part of dressing well is also avoiding blatant "style mistakes".
I'll open a separate thread called "dress hacks" to discuss this, to avoid going off-topic here.
Get Authority Reinforcement
When you lack authority you can borrow from other people. For example, if you're a younger person in a group of older high-power people you might find that nobody takes you seriously. However, if suddenly the most respected person in that group lifts you up by saying "Mats is the expert on this topic" you will now be a lot more respected as you have been lent the authority of the group leader.
You can also borrow it yourself by identifying who has the most authority, listening intently to what he/she says, and then starting your sentence with "I agree with what X said because...". This way your words will have more credibility while at the same time you've captured the group leaders attention. The rest of the group will do what the leader does and will therefore give you their attention as well. This is especially powerful if the leader likes what you says and starts nodding or agreeing.
Don't overdo this, since the more you borrow authority from others the less of your own you will have to work with.
This is in line with "The Gervais' Principle"'s idea that status is illegible within groups, unless one is either the leader or the lowest status guy, or is visibly associated to one of these two.
So, close associations with the leader (or with the "bottom guy") are what elevate (or destroy) the status of specific members.
How to Take Back the Authority Power
People can actively damage your credibility by acting disinterested or ignoring you when you speak. This makes other people subconsciously feel like what you say isn’t important. To counteract this you can repeat what you said directly to them in an unbothered and warm way.
Example: Someone picks up their phone and leaves the room as you speak. When they come back to the room you say “So Jake, what I was saying when you were gone was that…”.
This is interesting, maybe the topic for another thread.
We could title it "How to address people blatantly ignoring you when you speak in a group".
Authority in Groups
When you have a lot of authority it can harm the group. When people are in a group with a clear leader who has a lot of authority they can lose faith in themselves.
In the Swedish National Football Team there is a player called Zlatan Ibrahimovic who is a fantastic player. The problem is that because he is so much better than the rest of the team, everybody passes him the ball instead of taking chances themselves. A few years ago Zlatan didn't play in the World Cup, and Sweden actually performed better than they normally do without having their superstar forward.
This is not to say that you should avoid authority power, but you need to make sure that everyone in the group has some form of authority so that they don't become passive observers.
This seems to be a problem of "low availability". High value without availability is useless, as per TPM's teaching.
EDIT: There was a similar dynamic with Michael Jordan within the Bulls. It was Phil Jackson who taught Jordan to "share" instead of "play as the one man all star".
Hi Bel, really happy to be interacting with you again.
And thank you for the awesome reply!
Quote from Bel on May 30, 2023, 1:30 pmWhat I found works for me, after studying Lucio's posts on this and some other websites, is dressing toward the top of the range for the specific style/setting.
In other words, rather than dressing "different" (which is what Jobs was doing, ie using a "smart casual style" instead of a "business style"), dress "better" (ie remain within the accepted style for the occasion, but dress better fit/quality than others do on average).
A big part of dressing well is also avoiding blatant "style mistakes".
I'll open a separate thread called "dress hacks" to discuss this, to avoid going off-topic here.
Very true. I think it's one of the points Elaine makes as well when she warns about dressing too differently.
One of the stories she includes in the book is of a salesman who works in a store where everyone is supposed to be wearing an ugly vest as part of their work outfit. However, since everybody dislikes it they don't wear it, except for this one salesman. When he's asked about why he wears it he explains that by wearing the ugly vest that nobody else is wearing (I assume it has a more official look than the other people's clothes) all the customers assume he is the manager because he dresses differently. As a result he sells more than all his colleagues.
I've also been delving more into style myself and would be very interested in that dress hacks thread if you make it.
This is in line with "The Gervais' Principle"'s idea that status is illegible within groups, unless one is either the leader or the lowest status guy, or is visibly associated to one of these two.
So, close associations with the leader (or with the "bottom guy") are what elevate (or destroy) the status of specific members.
I haven't read the Gervais' Principle but this makes intuitive sense to me. It seems like it's an idea that can be found in similar forms in many different places, not least of all TPM.
This is interesting, maybe the topic for another thread.
We could title it "How to address people blatantly ignoring you when you speak in a group".
I'm all for this; while I like how Elaine handles the situation it seems quite specific for when people take a phone call during a presentation. Some principles or techniques that would apply to a wider range of scenarios could be useful.
This seems to be a problem of "low availability". High value without availability is useless, as per TPM's teaching.
EDIT: There was a similar dynamic with Michael Jordan within the Bulls. It was Phil Jackson who taught Jordan to "share" instead of "play as the one man all star".
Wow, I was not aware of this concept before now. That's really eye opening and something I'll keep in mind in my social life from now on. I agree that this does seem to be the problem that Elaine presents in her book, although she doesn't go in depth about how to solve it and instead says something along the lines of "everybody in the group needs to find some form of authority within themselves".
This concept of availability is much clearer in my opinion as it let's you know what you can do yourself to keep the group effective.
This is awesome, Mats!
I'd be happy to turn this into a full review, and also probably do a big favor to the author as the first introduction to the English market.
If you're cool with that, just attach a few lines with your personal thoughts / review, and we can publish it.
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
I like that idea as well.
It'll take me a while to get through the rest of the book but when I'm done I'll add my thoughts and a review.
In the meantime I'll keep posting the key insights for each chapter here.
Aweomse, sounds great Mats.
An unrequested tip to make your life easier and get the highest ROI could be to only focus on the true 'best of the best'.
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(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Chapter 2: Social Power
The power of authority can be called a hard form of power that allows you to dictate what others should do. Social power, on the other hand, is a soft form of power that lets you influence people’s decisions by the sheer fact that they like you. This form of power doesn’t leave you alone at the front but instead lets you walk alongside your peers while still being in control.
Read People
Social competence is one of the most important skills you can develop to succeed in life. The people who learn how to identify the social norms of different groups, and learns how to adapt depending to the different groups and situations, are the people who truly get far in life.
Gain a Social Capital
To have influence you need a social capital. Your social capital is a result of how many contacts you have, who they are, and how much influence they have. You want to have many influential contacts, and preferably from many different social groups.
Since you never know what social group you need to be able to influence in the future you should seek to befriend people from every part of society. Your charisma will be your greatest tool in this endeavor, but another good trick is to join activities that interest you, such as sports or music, in the areas you want to make contacts.
Be Similar to the Person You Want to Influence
People are more willing to help people that are similar to them. This goes for physical appearance such as clothes and body language, but also things like word choice, interests and values, types of humor and personality etc.
To get people to like you, you need to make yourself relatable to them. Talk about things in your life that they can relate to as well. The biggest blogger in Sweden went from 500 000 readers a week to 910 000 readers a week overnight when she became pregnant. When she married she got another 300 000 readers, and when her son was born another 200 000. The reason? These small but ordinary things made her more relatable.
Another technique you can use is to recognize the mood of the people you are speaking with and mirroring it. Don’t be the person who enters a group of sad people and goes “cheer up guys, life is beautiful”. This will rarely succeed in raising the mood. If you instead start by acknowledging the mood and mirroring it yourself you can then take it in another direction.
What makes you just as likable, if not more, is when you make an effort to be like the person you’re speaking with. This can be as simple as learning to greet people in their mother tongue when you’re abroad.
When You Aren’t Similar to Those You Want to Influence
To influence people you need to show that you are like them. When we see people who are like us in some way we also assume that they think like us. Therefore, when you want to influence a group of people that are not like you, you first need to get someone like them on your side. This way the group you are trying to influence has someone to relate to.
For example, if you’re trying to convince republicans to change their views, you’re much more likely to succeed if you can get a former republican on your side.
Improve Your Social Competence
Everybody has blind spots in their social competence. To develop your social competence you need to identify these spots and start working on them. To do this you can ask people who know you what they think of your personality and what you can develop. Asking this to people who dislike you is just as important as asking people who like you. Remember that not everyone will be comfortable with giving this sort of candid feedback unless you assure them that you don’t have any ulterior motive besides your own growth.
Think Positively About People And They Will Like You
Our preconceived notions about people will slip through in our behavior. Therefore it is important to think of the people you deal with as honest and out for good. This will become a self fulfilling prophecy since you treat them this way. Remember that you can always learn from everyone you interact with as long as you listen closely to what they say. Always think about how you can make the person you speak with feel important.
Think Highly of Yourself And People Will Like You More
The way people respond to us affects how we behave and feel. If you go to the bar and try to flirt with people only to be rejected over and over, it will affect how you carry yourself. The opposite is also true; if a bunch of attractive people come over and start flirting with you one after the other you will start carrying yourself much better.
The great thing about this is that you can reverse engineer this. If you don’t think you are high value, but you start acting as if you are, others will start treating you as if you are and eventually you will start feeling it. In this way, our behavior becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Elaine shares an example from when a competitor called her. The competitor told her “I saw you on the tv today and I was jealous that you were there and impressed by how well you did. I didn’t want the jealousy to win over the praise that you deserve so I called.” She later explained how she used to be very jealous but by acting as if she wasn’t she eventually learned to feel genuine happiness for others.
If you have traits that you don’t like, you can get rid of them by behaving as if you don’t have them. If you keep doing this it will eventually become natural and a part of who you are.
Speak From the Interests of Others
Don’t talk about yourself all the time, speak about the other person and their interests and they will love you.
Find Openings for Humor
Laughing releases endorphins that make us relax. If you can get people to laugh they will trust you more. Not everyone has your sense of humor, but you can always try a joke to see if they enjoy it. If they do, great! If they don’t, no big deal; simply adapt your rhetoric.
Blame Yourself Even When It Is Someone Else’s Fault
If you’ve reserved a table at a restaurant and find out that there’s no table ready when you arrive, the worst thing you can do is be rude. People respond poorly to threats but well to kindness. By getting angry and being rude you can occasionally bully people into doing what you want, but more often than not you will push them into defensiveness, start a war, and make an enemy.
If you instead shoulder all of the blame yourself, even if you’re not in the wrong, you make it easy for the other party to recognize their own fault and go the extra step to help you.
Elaine explains that sometimes people will take advantage of this, but that doesn’t make it a bad strategy. Most of the time it works wonders. The times it doesn’t work it’s not your strategy that is wrong, but the other person’s behavior. If this happens you need to stop the kind behavior and stand up for yourself.
Introvert or Extrovert?
Different people want to be spoken to in different ways. A common mistake people make is to speak the same way with everyone or assume that others want to be spoken to in the same way as you. Match your communication style to theirs. If they’re introverted, be more introverted, if they’re professional, be more professional, etc.
Three Steps to Social Power
Once you’ve become socially competent there are three steps to gain social power:
- Convince People That Many Agree With You
Because we are a social animal we are easily convinced by the popularity argument. If many people agree with you, you can easily leverage this to get more people to agree with you.
- Become an Initatior
Elaine writes that according to Robert Cavett 95% of the population are imitators while only 5% are initiators. This means that the 95% will do what other people are doing, while the 5% takes initiative that get people to follow them. To become an initiator you also need to be socially skilled so you can convince people to follow you.
This is also an important lesson in not imitating or following people just because others are doing it. Always question whether the initiator, who will be the group leader, is making decisions that really benefit you before you follow them.
- Find the Top Dog in the Social Hierarchy
In every group there is a hierarchy, and the person at the top is the person with the most power. The person at the top is not necessarily the boss or the person with the highest official role, but it is the person with the most social power. The person that everybody likes and listens to. If you want to get the group to listen to you, all you need to do is convince the group leader and the rest of them will follow.
I liked this chapter even more than the previous one. So far the book is turning out to be really really good. For efficiency I took Lucio's advice of leaving out all the things that aren't the best of the best, but there's a lot more great content in there.
As usual, if anybody has any thoughts I'm happy to read.
Chapter 3: Money Power
Money can give you power over others, especially if you have a lot. However, more importantly than giving you power over others, money gives you power over yourself. If you are financially dependent on somebody else, whether it’s a person or a company, they have power over you. They can make you do things you don’t want to do; you are at their mercy. If you have enough money to sustain yourself independently of anybody else, this form of power will not work on you.
Money Power - Enough to Share Your Opinion
When you have enough money to not only pay your bills and sustain yourself, but also to live the life you want to live, you have what is called “fuck you money”. Fuck you money is what allows you to share your opinions and even to tell people fuck off without fear of losing your lifeline.
If you want to have control over your own life you need to have some fuck you money. Otherwise you’ll always be at the mercy of those who can offer money.
Talk Money
A common advice is to not talk about salaries at work. This is bad advice; the only person who benefits from this is your boss. Finding out how much money your coworkers are making is important to make sure you’re not being underpaid.
The Principle of Reciprocation
When we receive gifts from others we are programmed to reciprocate. This means that whenever someone does something for you, even if it’s a small thing, you will subconsciously start looking for ways to pay them back. If you give someone a gift or do them a favor before asking for something they will be more likely to agree. This can easily be abused, so whenever you are receiving “free” gifts you should prepare yourself mentally for manipulation.
Remind Them That You Scratched Their Back
This section is in the form of a dialogue between Elaine and a successful CEO who built his business on the principle of reciprocation. The main three techniques the CEO shares are:
1. Connect people from your network with each other
This means that any successful collaboration they will have will remind them of your favor (and their debt).
2. When people don’t want to pay you back, remind them subtly of what you’ve done for them
For example:
“How great that I brought you and Steve together. It was lucky you came that time. How are you enjoying the new job?”
The trick is to not explicitly say “I did X for you”.
3. Prime people for what sort of favor you want in return
For example:
CEO: “Are you liking the new job?”
Other person: “Yeah it’s great, thank you!”
CEO: “No need to thank me. Who knows, maybe someday you will be the one helping me to a new job.”
If you don’t do this they might treat you to dinner and feel like you’re even.
Nothing To Lose? Then You Can Share Your Opinion
People who have nothing at all to lose have the power to do whatever they want. If you want power over people make sure that they still have something left to lose.
Avoid The Contrast-Principle Trap
An old sales technique is to present a high price, then write a lower (but still high) price underneath. This is very effective to get people to feel like they’re getting a good deal. For example, you want a shirt that costs $300, but then the clerk tells you that right now it’s on sale and only costs $100. Many people would buy it because it feels like a great deal without realizing that it’s still very expensive. Always be aware of this so you don’t fall victim to it.
You can use this principle when presenting problems. Start by sharing a very big non-existing problem, then after explaining that the problem has been solved you move on to the real problem which will seem much smaller by comparison. For example: a person telling his parents “I thought I had cancer but it turned out it was just a headache. Anyway now I don’t have money to buy painkillers.” In comparison to cancer, being out of money isn’t a big deal.
Chapter 4: The Power of Silence
The Timing and Effects of Silence
Silence says different things depending on when it’s used. Comedians use silence to let jokes sink in and get bigger laughs. If you are negotiating a salary and your boss gives a lower offer than you were expecting, turning silent will show that you’re not pleased. Because your silence speaks volumes you need to use it strategically.
Control the Interpretation of Your Silence
When you are a silent type you can be perceived in different ways. Either people will think you are cool and be slightly intimidated by you, or they will see you as weird or arrogant. To use silence effectively you want to control how others will perceive you.
In TPM terms: mixing silence with high power behavior makes you look cool and powerful; mixing silence with low power behavior makes you an outcast.
Develop a Lowkey Charisma
Some people always need to be loud and the center of attention. That works in some situations but oftentimes it gets annoying. Other people are so quiet that you don’t notice them, it’s almost uncomfortable being around them. What you want is to be somewhere in the middle of the two.
To do this you should always listen to the people around you, gauge their mood and energy levels and adapt to it. You don’t speak much, but when you do it’s because you have something meaningful to say, not just to hear your own voice.
Don’t Let Others Misinterpret Your Silence
During the Vietnam war there was a large protest against Nixon. Hundreds of thousands of people were marching. Of course there were many millions of people who did not partake in the protest, many of whom most likely were against the war.
However, Nixon used their silence for his own ends by framing them as his supporters. By saying that “The great silent majority supports my every move” he took control of what their silence was saying.
When Silence Goes Wrong
Avoid being silent after tragedy or injustice. If you see someone being mistreated it doesn’t help to go up to them afterwards and offer your sympathies, you should defend them in the moment, otherwise your silence communicates that you support the injustice. On the flipside, if you do step in to defend someone when everyone else is quiet, you become the hero.
Avoid being silent after tragedy or injustice. If you see someone being mistreated it doesn’t help to go up to them afterwards and offer your sympathies, you should defend them in the moment, otherwise your silence communicates that you support the injustice.
Boom! Thanks a lot Mats, I think the whole post is very value-adding.