Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 11, 2022, 12:15 pm

Hello Mitch, sorry to hear that -or glad to hear that, if you're already cool with it and better off-.

It's a really interesting question, and I'm curious to hear what others might say.

Fairness: is it fair to take your part back? Yes

To begin with, it's your right in a legal sense to do it, so that already says something.
Personally, I think it's also "ethically/morally" fair for you to take what was already yours.

Your giving was done under a certain set of assumption and circumstances: you two being together / a team.

Those circumstances changed now.

Furthermore, if you're bitter, there are probably some reasons, so those reasons also justify your decision to take ownership of what was yours to begin with.

Do you come across as petty? If you don't handle it well, it's possible

However, it is possible you may come across as petty.

Especially if she embraces that narrative, and if it's what she will say to her social circle.

Funny enough, this is one of those cases where people tend to go for gender associations, with women siding with her, and men siding with you.

How to do it

In my opinion, the best way to avoid pettiness is to handle it straight and honest -eagle way-.

And you say exactly what you said here (minus the reference past gifts, of course).

Something like:

About the crypto, I decided to keep the matching contributions.

It's been 3 great years and I keep wonderful memories of this time.
And I hope that in the future we can mend things and be friends.
I think that with time, that's possible.

But right now things are still fresh, and in all frankness, I still have some resentment. That's what motivated my decision.
In any case, the crypto is going to explore, so your original investment was still a smash hit :).

Big hug.

---

Curious to hear what others think.

Quote from Mitch on September 11, 2022, 12:45 pm

Intelligent response as always Lucio thankyou...I think I will take my bit back and she will still do well with her half, see how I feel when it comes out

I would be curious how everyone else would handle it also, I did a poll on Twitter it had around 1100 votes with 65% saying take it back and many different crazy comments

My Ex actually stalked my Twitter and saw the post then she got really angry at me calling me bitter and putting that narrative in my head. Since then she hasn't contacted me which she use to every couple of weeks to try to keep a friendship. Not sure if she actually wanted my friendship though or just the investment

Quote from B on September 12, 2022, 12:45 am

Hi Mitch,

I agree with Lucio that, if it’s your legal right to keep the matching investments, and if your feelings say to do it, then by all means you should do so if the relationship is over.

I tend to see giving things with a mental reservation of being able to get them back as something that may damage relationships during their course, but the considerations for this case seems different because:

- the relationship is already over, so no significant damage is going to be done to mutual trust and/or to the relationship;

- you discovering a side of her character you didn’t see initially also shows she probably “changed the rules” in her own way during the relationship;

- the expense you are reasoning about concerns something that, as far as I understand, now has the potential to grow to a value significantly higher than what you initially took into account, and thus a different “value” than you initially considered;

- you decided to keep legal control of these investments from the start, which shows you knew you could change your mind here, and in any case you explicitly reserved the right to do so.

Quote from Mitch on September 12, 2022, 7:02 am

Very good analysis thankyou 🙏

Quote from John Freeman on September 24, 2022, 4:41 pm

Hello Mitch,

I agree with everyone, great post from Lucio about social consequences and negative frames that could be put on you.

What I would add is about the strategy you used (poll on Twitter) opens the public vs private thread.

That is, your conflict became public and that had social consequences on her (now people will wonder what is wrong with her/what she did wrong). So it was disempowering to her even if not intended. As I'm sure you already know I would keep it private (trusted friends, etc.) and/or ask here on the forum.

So next time you meet her, you could address it and admit that it was not beneficial to her to post this poll to get back to as neutral as a rapport as possible.

But yeah, it's 100% your right to get this money back.

Cheers!