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Examples of low-quality men

This thread is to share examples of low-quality attitudes or behavior.

Not necessarily with a judgmental attitude: we can all act low-quality sometimes, and nobody is stuck there.
So by learning what's low-quality, we can all move beyond it, and develop ourselves further.

Which is also a great way of turning non-excellence in human expressions into value.

Here's the first examples:

The No-Values, Poor-Mindsets Boss

I had little respect for one of my bosses for the following reasons:

  • Laughing at others: he had that sarcastic attitude of making fun of people behind their back. The team-meeting with him and my colleague took around 1/3 of the time to discuss politics with a sarcastic, "let's make fun of these other guys" attitude. I never found it particularly entertaining

 

  • Little personal values: I still remember very well the day he told us how the head of the special Lean project got her job: with a blow job.
    Him and my colleague couldn't stop laughing. It didn't make me laugh at all, I thought it was disappointing. The fact that he found it so funny instead of sad told he had little personal value: he didn't seek and want a place where merit wins and shortcuts are discouraged. He was OK, happy almost, to work in a place where advancement could come from shortcuts.
    Plus, he had a  childish attitude: what's so funny about a sexual act?-

But it's one small detail that made me realize this was not a guy I could look up to:

  • His wins had to come at his wife's loss (win-lose, fixed pie mindset): he had no respect whatsoever for his wife. Why did he marry her, then? It sure doesn't say anything flattering about him. Worst yet, he was in a win-lose race against his wife. If you can't have win-win with your partner, how could I trust him?
    Here's how I knew:

He had a young son.
And he was proud that his son was "all about his father (and not about his mother)".
I asked him: "how about his mom". He replied loud and proud, mimicking his son's own voice: "nonono, daddy, daddy". His attitude said "fuck the mom, she doesn't matter, the kid is all about me".

From his stories, you'd understand that this guy encouraged his son to disregard his mom and only admire him.
He needed his son's admiration, and was happy if it came at the cost of his wife.

Compare: a higher-quality man would encourage his son to appreciate and respect his mother as well.
First with the example of appreciating his mother himself and, verbally, by highlighting how much she was supporting the family while he was moving around for work.

Overall, this guy wasn't the worst ever -more like your average dickhead-.
But, lacking in personal values, he also wasn't a guy I could admire as a leader.
When he quit, I was happy that he was gone.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Great idea! Definitely.

Sorry to say it once again but probably a narcissist. My point is that this personality disorder is much more common than we think. There is a book about it that I own but haven't read yet: Character disturbance. Oh. I see it's in audible. I'm going to listen to it instead.

The part where he's happy about his son liking him better than his mom is typical. It also shows the typical immaturity all throughout ("childish"). Immaturity is a hallmark of these people.

We see them a lot and we meet them in the work place because it's one of the few mental disorders where people are still functioning and able to adapt to society.

I like your points. Since I started your course, I started to make fun of people and being sarcastic. These are more of the behaviors that I removed and I feel better about it. A few years ago I removed gossiping and talking behind people's back as it breeds emotional poison.

In self-development, it's a lot about editing our personality. So removing behaviors is as important as adding new ones.

Geat points, John.

Big thumbs up to your notion on the importance of removing behavior/habits as important as adding new ones.

One behavior I'm removing is the "LOL" "winks" and their real-life equivalent, all of them being micro-aggressions and micro-one upping that are also making you come across as lower quality and lower power (turkey type of scratching, rather than eagle-flying stuff).

P.S.: let us know what you think of that book when you go through it.

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Value is relative, in many ways.

For example, you can have low value behavior as a president or as a billionaire, even though your overall value is actually high because of your position or huge resources.

Chris Cuomo: Covert Aggression, Smart-Alecking, & Shame Attacks

With the above premise, Chris Cuomo, the CNN newscaster, is an overall high-value guy if we compare him to the overall population.

Yet, he provides a great deal of examples of covert-aggressive behavior that rubs people the wrong way.

Cuomo: (facial expression of incredulity and disgust) Bent out of shape? Seems like a better description of the senator's priorities

What makes Cuomo come across as a low-power, covert-aggresor complainer are:

  • The facial expressions of exaggerated (and feigned) surprise and shock
  • Use of irony to make fun of others

Another example in this video not on YouTube:

Cuomo: I, I.. I mean, did you mean to have a trace of irony?

Smart alec type of covert aggression that's very common to Cuomo.

And then:

Cuomo: Anything beyond the logic that is as twisted as your hair

More direct here, but still the use of irony and fake shock are used to get away with more direct forms of aggressions.
He hides behind a smokescreen of moral superiority, so that any aggression he uses, it's framed as "I can get angry, but because I'm morally superior and this guy is disgusting".

Not an accident that we used Chris Cuomo to explain the dynamics of shame attacks in PU.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?