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Expectations Bait powermove
This is power move I have encountered many times and it kind of involves a bait which will result in them acting in a couple of different ways.
(1) They say they had expected more from me and are now disappointed. (Take the judge role).Â
(2) Act like an encourager going on a long story about how they achieved something with hard work and I can do it too.Â
This powermove gets especially tricky in social situations with many people present.
Example -
Them - Did you win gold at X competition? (They know you didn't)
You - I enjoyed my time competing.
Them - goes in one of the ways mentioned in (1) or/and (2).
I don't know of any way to tackle this.
What are your thoughts on how to handle this?
Hi Growfast,
can you provide more details on who does this and in what context?
In reading your example, the first thing that comes to mind would be to try to prevent the issue by not answering the leading question:
Them - Did you win gold at X competition? (They know you didn't)
You - Why do you ask? Would you like to know how to win a gold? It's a long road you know...
And if you don't know how to tackle it, what have you done so far?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 16, 2022, 11:12 amAnd if you don't know how to tackle it, what have you done so far?
(1) When they say they are disappointed I say "I don't care"
(2) When they tell about how they achieved something and I can do it too, I change topics to something else ignoring what they said.
Quote from Bel on February 16, 2022, 12:03 amHi Growfast,
can you provide more details on who does this and in what context?
In reading your example, the first thing that comes to mind would be to try to prevent the issue by not answering the leading question:
Them - Did you win gold at X competition? (They know you didn't)
You - Why do you ask? Would you like to know how to win a gold? It's a long road you know...
It's either a colleague I had talked with or sometimes even a distant family member.
As far as the context it's brought up during casual chit-chat where people ask about how things are going in others lives.
Some possible ideas on the "not too hard" side, in addition to the idea of preempting the leading question:
- One-up by showing willingness to teach them
Them - Did you win gold at X competition? (They know you didn't)
You - I enjoyed my time competing.
Them - I expected more from you, and now I am disappointed.
You - Well, your disappointment is proof that it's difficult to understand how it works from the outside. I'd be happy to teach you how to at least start so that you can reach a beginner level, or at least to show you how it works so that you can reserve your disappointment for things that really matter.
- Surface their bragging
Them - Did you win gold at X competition? (They know you didn't)
You - I enjoyed my time competing.
Them - You know, at my time, I never gave up so easily. In fact let me tell you what I did once and how I won...
You - Thank you, that's really inspiring. Now I can't ever see you as before: when can you start teaching me so that I reach your level? And do you have other great stories? You should tell them to everyone here!
Quote from Growfast on February 16, 2022, 11:30 amQuote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 16, 2022, 11:12 amAnd if you don't know how to tackle it, what have you done so far?
(1) When they say they are disappointed I say "I don't care"
(2) When they tell about how they achieved something and I can do it too, I change topics to something else ignoring what they said.
The first one is a judge power move, and "I don't care" can come across like you do care.
All the techniques in PU can apply, if done well, starting from surfacing "why are you saying that".
Number 2 is the "encouragement power move" a type of covert power move, and PU deals with this one (and Ali also included it in the upcoming book BTW).
