Feed-back on TPM articles
Here is my feed-back on @transitioned article about how to prepare for an interview. My apologies for the long delay.
So, this is one of the best article I read so far on the topic. I used all the advice that you gave in this article (including lighting and hand gestures since it was a facetime interview), including Lucio's mindset.
I got the job as an attending physician, so I owe it in part to you that is sure!
It gave me new strategies and tactics that I did not have before. It also gave me more confidence as I knew I was using top notch advice from a seasoned professional. So what I'm sure is that it gave me an edge that I did not have before.
I'm taking the liberty to provide feed-back as well:
- I think the perfect companion to your article (and that I used for this interview) is this book (15 minutes to a better interview) that Lucio reviewed. I used it in the past and it's great advice in a short format. So you could maybe add this reference at the end of the article (link to the review) if you think it adds value
- What helped me a lot was to write down everything I would say before the interview so I was well prepared (my cursus, answers to the specific questions they might ask). So writing it and re-reading it helped me to be more fluid and confident.
- I read an article about being enthusiastic so I showed positivity and warmth during the second interview so this was helpful. There are other advice in this article, I'll have a look on my computer and write more later.
In this specific interview, what I could have done better is to give my weaknesses and strengths relative to this specific role. I did it for another interview and it worked great.
So I hope this is helpful. I think this article is great in this current version (once again: one of if not the best I read). I can imagine it developing in the future and become a reference for the Internet (seriously).
I found the article, so what they recommend based on research on recruiters:
Avoid (negative and important to the recruiters):
- Interrupt the recruiter
- Look away
- Talking hesitantly
- Slouch
- Talk a lot
Do (positive and important to the recruiters):
- Smile
- Look in the eyes
- Take notes (less important the two above)
Hello,
here is a feed-back on How to be an alpha male by Lucio.
Thank you so much! I'm reading it and loving it so far. I had to come here and comment on this:
And the author earned credibility and respect with life’s choices and actions: actively seeking new experiences and challenges, expanding his comfort zone, and ultimately going out to the world and making it its oyster.
I read this and thought: Boom, just boom. That's the way it's done.
Thanks a lot: I'm re-thinking/re-creating my life and this is helpful inspiration.
So on point with the social intelligence part of it. Since a few months, I'm way more collaborative, vulnerable and more humble: to my suprise, I'm more effective socially. I'm building more bonds, more willpower, more connection. I listen more, I speak less: way more effective.
I know since a long time that my weakest spot is physical: size, strength, voice. This is great motivation to me.
Like or not, I couldn’t help but lose some more respect for being too low power after that.
It was interesting to read that: I'm curious and open to hear the answer: did I lose respect in your eyes for my current life challenges and opening up on my doubts, weaknesses and negative thoughts on the forum?
Hello Joh, first thing: thank you very much for the feedback!
I moved that portion you quoted into its own category (with higher visibility / higher importance) and will also expand it further for the corresponding lesson in PU.
If you hadn't highlighted it, I would have probably never reflected on it to give it the space it truly deserved (and TPM/PU and all future readers/learners would have lost out).
To answer this good question:
Quote from John Freeman on April 7, 2023, 4:07 pmLike or not, I couldn’t help but lose some more respect for being too low power after that.
It was interesting to read that: I'm curious and open to hear the answer: did I lose respect in your eyes for my current life challenges and opening up on my doubts, weaknesses and negative thoughts on the forum?
I did not lose respect for the honest talk (I usually respect straight honesty a lot, and you can only be sure of straight honesty when it shares challenges, not when it shares victories/motivation/self-acclamation), but you would have lost the respect of at least a few people in your average group of alpha male types assessing each other.
And the more "hyper"-alpha the environment, the bigger the loss would have been.
This is also why the "alpha male game" almost automatically entails some (potentially unhealthy), (potentially fake) displays of strength/stoicism and bottling up pain (and why TPM wasn't too sold on the "apha male approach" to self-development).
And the more "hyper" and "hyper-masculine" that environment becomes, the more extreme that portrayal (front?) has to become.
Edit:
I'm also very curious to hear what other guys (or girls) here think about guys opening up about their struggles, pains, or moments of low self-esteem and if they'd lose some respect.
If you want to share, just make sure to answer with full honesty though or it will mislead us instead of helping :).
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on April 7, 2023, 4:42 pmI'm also very curious to hear what other guys (or girls) here think about guys opening up about their struggles, pains, or moments of low self-esteem and if they'd lose some respect.
If you want to share, just make sure to answer with full honesty though or it will mislead us instead of helping :).
On this, my thinking is
- in general society, better not to open up about struggles and pains
- early on in any relationship, better not to open up
- better not to open up in competitive environments (work, but also some social circles) and with women (who invariably - regardless - will feel less attracted to a man who is not able to "suffer in silence" and "keep his doubts to himself" - or at the very least to keep functioning reasonably well and being present with her while still suffering)
- imperative not to open up with narcissists, psychopaths, machiavellians, and assholes in general (they will social climb on you and use any weakness ruthlessly against you, all the while thinking you deserve it and are to blame!)
- if one decides to open up, better to do it from a frame of "here's what I learned about my past experience" than from a frame of "woe is me, my life is all bad".
On this forum, which is specifically devoted to mutual help with power dynamics, there is generally more openness about these dynamics, but in the past they still produced social climbing on those who opened up while giving signs of weakness.
Personally, I don't lose respect because someone reveals low self-esteem, or pain, but I do lose respect if I see incongruency - eg opening up about low self-esteem and then social climbing.
But I would guess that many people - especially those that never struggled - would just lose respect. Even if they later realize their "loss of respect" was just a projection of their insecurity, this recognition is invariably going to come too late and after much damage is done.
So, to me there are really no benefits to open up about pain or struggle in most "normal" cases.
Thank you for this, Bel!
Both your reflection on when to, and your personal take on it.
And I agree: the worst combo is the vulnerability + power moves, which may also be relatievely common since fragile self-esteem tends to need even more to push others down to feel better about oneself.
And in most situations, better not.
With the caveat that it's important to have someone to open up to and be frank with -and doesn't only have to be a flesh and blood person and actually an online forum may be a great place for that because the anonymity basically means super low costs-.
As a matter of fact, the more one becomes wise/strong/successful/a leader, the more you may need it becomes more and more people come to you for advice and support.
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Can't find the thread where the article (How to Prepare for a Job Interview) was originally discussed, so posting here this thought on job interviews:
- bring a slim, non-transparent, elegant-closure folder to the interview (containing a pen and the resume).
Example (not the best, but one I could find: here the folder is too big, and also open on a side; but let's imagine it very slim (paper-thin), closed, on an interviewee with a suit:)
I suspect this subcommunicates preparedness, professionalism, and being organized (because the folder is slim) more than anything one could say.
I am curious if someone here uses or used to do this when interviewing.
Great idea, thanks! I will experiment with it.
It used to be the leather folder. I think Bels pic looks better. More eco friendly and on trend. Plenty of vegan bosses nowadays.
Thanks Transitioned,
I take your post to mean you agree that bringing a folder to an interview (whether leather or other) may be a good move.
100% And if you google on job interview props you ll find a bunch of pre-framing tricks.
And yea the post must have got moved coz we had a whole discussion on how to improve the article.