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Feed-backs on books I read

#1 · March 21, 2023, 12:50 pm

Quote from John Freeman on March 21, 2023, 12:50 pm
Hello,
First, thank you very very much Lucio for the fantastic list you built! I'm loving it :) It's the best reading list I found so far (better than Tom Bilyeu's for instance).
I'm going to give a short feed-back on the books I listened to, not reviews per se. Here are the ones I listened to recently:
Mate
This is the bible of dating. I think he deserved his high ranking on Lucio's list. I think it's fundamental and there is nothing to throw away in this book. All info is useful, real and applicable. It's also good to read if you've been exposed to toxic ideas from the pickup community. It's great also to know how to make an online profile based on what women are looking for in a man. It allowed me to put together many ideas about dating. Much recommended!
8 keys to passive-aggressiveness
We all have some sort of passive-aggressiveness behaviours. Especially if you live in a culture where assertiveness is not common or display of aggression is "forbidden" (highly disapproved off). The definition is expression of hidden anger". This book helped me to be aware when I'm tempted to be passive-aggressive and therefore restrain from it. It's also useful for me to detect passive-aggressiveness in others. So the main benefit for me from this book was a new awareness. Much recommended!
3% Man
The first half of this book I was lukewarm about it. Then it was pure gold. The best part for me was when he insisted on going only for girls who are attracted to you. It seems obvious but it was helpful. The pickup community insists too much on "building attraction" and therefore the false idea that you can have "any girl you want". Yes you can seduce girl who are lukewarm about you. You can have sex with them. But is it worth it? That's for everyone to decide. For me, it's more agreeable to take it from where a girl like me and then seduce here. Much recommended!
Art of Seduction
This is serious stuff. If Mate is the bible of dating, this book is the bible of the seducer. Robert Green is not an amateur and leaving no stone unturned. Solid solid stuff based on my experience. It helped me to understand what seduction is. It also shows very well the types of seducers: your type and the people who are going to try to seduce you. I think it's great because it allows you to choose a type/strategy and work from there. The historical examples that repulsed me in the first place in paper form because the book seemed too big are actually great to understand seducers and seduction. I strongly recommend to listen to it rather to read it. Much much recommended! One of my favourite books of all times and greatly impressed by Robert Green. A true intellectual. This made me want to listen to Casanova's (the greatest seducer of all times in my opinion) biography but I think just one book is 20 hours and there are 3 or four, so I won't. However you get a sample of many different historical seducers in this book, it's very helpful to see how the principles were applied.
I'm currently listening to "Who's pulling your strings", just a great book!
So again, thank you very very much Lucio! :)

Hello,

First, thank you very very much Lucio for the fantastic list you built! I'm loving it :) It's the best reading list I found so far (better than Tom Bilyeu's for instance).

I'm going to give a short feed-back on the books I listened to, not reviews per se. Here are the ones I listened to recently:

Mate

This is the bible of dating. I think he deserved his high ranking on Lucio's list. I think it's fundamental and there is nothing to throw away in this book. All info is useful, real and applicable. It's also good to read if you've been exposed to toxic ideas from the pickup community. It's great also to know how to make an online profile based on what women are looking for in a man. It allowed me to put together many ideas about dating. Much recommended!

8 keys to passive-aggressiveness

We all have some sort of passive-aggressiveness behaviours. Especially if you live in a culture where assertiveness is not common or display of aggression is "forbidden" (highly disapproved off). The definition is expression of hidden anger". This book helped me to be aware when I'm tempted to be passive-aggressive and therefore restrain from it. It's also useful for me to detect passive-aggressiveness in others. So the main benefit for me from this book was a new awareness. Much recommended!

3% Man

The first half of this book I was lukewarm about it. Then it was pure gold. The best part for me was when he insisted on going only for girls who are attracted to you. It seems obvious but it was helpful. The pickup community insists too much on "building attraction" and therefore the false idea that you can have "any girl you want". Yes you can seduce girl who are lukewarm about you. You can have sex with them. But is it worth it? That's for everyone to decide. For me, it's more agreeable to take it from where a girl like me and then seduce here. Much recommended!

Art of Seduction

This is serious stuff. If Mate is the bible of dating, this book is the bible of the seducer. Robert Green is not an amateur and leaving no stone unturned. Solid solid stuff based on my experience. It helped me to understand what seduction is. It also shows very well the types of seducers: your type and the people who are going to try to seduce you. I think it's great because it allows you to choose a type/strategy and work from there. The historical examples that repulsed me in the first place in paper form because the book seemed too big are actually great to understand seducers and seduction. I strongly recommend to listen to it rather to read it. Much much recommended! One of my favourite books of all times and greatly impressed by Robert Green. A true intellectual. This made me want to listen to Casanova's (the greatest seducer of all times in my opinion) biography but I think just one book is 20 hours and there are 3 or four, so I won't. However you get a sample of many different historical seducers in this book, it's very helpful to see how the principles were applied.

I'm currently listening to "Who's pulling your strings", just a great book!

So again, thank you very very much Lucio! :)

Lucio Buffalmano, Jack and sillygoose9845 have reacted to this post.

#2 · March 21, 2023, 7:33 pm

Cheers John, thank you for the note and added thoughts, and if you have any new stuff to add it to, always happy to read.

John Freeman has reacted to this post.

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#3 · August 12, 2023, 5:10 pm

Hello TPM community,

I just finished listening to the « Power Paradox » by Dacher Keltner. I think it’s a good book. I recommend it. There’s a lot of repetition but the main ideas are interesting:

The effect of power and powerlessness on people
When we stop doing the pro social things that gave us power we lose power
High-status/rich people are more likely to engage in value-taking social behaviours (I would not say antisocial)
Being powerless is a big disadvantage in many aspects of life, included health and longevity
Feeling powerful has an effect on our behaviour: more selfish, less respect, etc.

The repetition is ok since it’s a short book.

Lucio Buffalmano, Jack and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

#4 · August 13, 2023, 12:27 am

Thanks for sharing about that book John.

SLIGHTLY OFF TOPIC

I'm sure I 'm not the only one that noticed this. But it seems like being/becoming high power is somehow related with selfishness or what would be considered as "evil". I remember (maybe I'm wrong/don't remember it well) people here in the forum, talking about how becoming higher power made/makes them experience less emotions and possibly having less empathy for others.

The book you mention points out that feeling powerful has effects on behaviour, and I wonder (the famous question about power): does becoming high power corrupt character or is it only revealing what was inside? And in case on being both which one of the two would affect more behaviour/ be more "relevant"? I think it's worth a separate post in case there isn't already one.

It would be really interesting to see how feeling powerful affects the brain too.

END OFF TOPIC

Thanks again for sharing about it, will probably give it a look.

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#5 · August 28, 2023, 3:59 pm

Quote from John Freeman on August 28, 2023, 3:59 pm
I just finished listening to "The Wisdom of Psychopaths" written by Kevin Dutton.
Wow. Top Notch. Thanks Lucio, I think it deserves its high rank in the books about power list.
From my journal:
Quote from John Freeman on August 26, 2023, 9:40 pm
Listening to the “wisdom of psychopaths” I have a few thoughts.
There is definitely some overlap between takers, manipulators, narcissists and psychopathy in some people.
However it does not have to be.
The strength of the psychopath are:
1. To turn off their emotions. It all depends how high they are on the scale. As I say elsewhere when I do a suture on a child I definitely turn off my emotions. The thing is that being all the time emotionless is pathological. However not being able to go in full analytical mode is costly in terms of rewards. We lose sometimes because we listen to our feelings.
2. To think in terms of gain/loss only. That is to remove morality. This is the amorality. This is really powerful. How to use it for a normal person ? It allows us to go in the win-lose territory when needed. When needed! Morality is doing good. That is not hurting other people. As we now know it’s important to be able to be bad. That is to be able hurt people who are evil as a stable characteristic. The allies killing nazis was not good for the nazis. They took from them. But it was necessary to take from the takers. It is also important to be able to take when it’s not hurting anyone.
So if we are only “good” there is a whole range of behaviors that are not available to us. It feels a bit strange to write this. As these are new thoughts to me. I realize that I am at the same time growing in the light I’m also growing in the dark. The connections I have with people and the inner feelings of love are better than ever. At the same time I feel that my ability and my threshold to inflict damage has never been lower. I have a moral code: that is certain things I would never do. But I’m revising it. I think there are a few select cases that warrant to break our moral code.
That’s the freedom of the psychopaths: he does pretty much what he wants as long as it’s beneficial to him/her. The difference is that one does not have to hurt other people. It’s an option but does not have to be.
We can learn from the freedom of action of the psychopaths to extend our choices. One of the key aspects of power.
I will add other things that I learned:
What I was referring to when talking about shades of grey is what he calls "the least worst solution". It's when the psychopath does not bat an eye if he has to kill 1 person to save 100 people.
Their ruthlessness: when it's time to make a decision or to be purely rational they have no problem to do it. As for other things, it's important to be able to turn it on and off. So it's useful to learn from them and to be able to selectively act like them not to be pathological like them.
Stay in the present: they are not anxious because they do not use their imagination in imagining the worst. They do what they can control, they are stoic in this way. However, from my understanding they do have a very poor inner life. They seem to live mostly through the external stimulation.
They don't procratinate: that comes back to the point above. They don't let their emotions get in their way. The task if often not as painful as we imagine it will be.
These are generalizations of course. They are the main takeaway I got from this book.
I recommend it warmly, to all people self-identifying as "nice guys" especially. (I'm a recovering one myself).

I just finished listening to "The Wisdom of Psychopaths" written by Kevin Dutton.

Wow. Top Notch. Thanks Lucio, I think it deserves its high rank in the books about power list.

From my journal:

Quote from John Freeman on August 26, 2023, 9:40 pm
Listening to the “wisdom of psychopaths” I have a few thoughts.
There is definitely some overlap between takers, manipulators, narcissists and psychopathy in some people.
However it does not have to be.
The strength of the psychopath are:
1. To turn off their emotions. It all depends how high they are on the scale. As I say elsewhere when I do a suture on a child I definitely turn off my emotions. The thing is that being all the time emotionless is pathological. However not being able to go in full analytical mode is costly in terms of rewards. We lose sometimes because we listen to our feelings.
2. To think in terms of gain/loss only. That is to remove morality. This is the amorality. This is really powerful. How to use it for a normal person ? It allows us to go in the win-lose territory when needed. When needed! Morality is doing good. That is not hurting other people. As we now know it’s important to be able to be bad. That is to be able hurt people who are evil as a stable characteristic. The allies killing nazis was not good for the nazis. They took from them. But it was necessary to take from the takers. It is also important to be able to take when it’s not hurting anyone.
So if we are only “good” there is a whole range of behaviors that are not available to us. It feels a bit strange to write this. As these are new thoughts to me. I realize that I am at the same time growing in the light I’m also growing in the dark. The connections I have with people and the inner feelings of love are better than ever. At the same time I feel that my ability and my threshold to inflict damage has never been lower. I have a moral code: that is certain things I would never do. But I’m revising it. I think there are a few select cases that warrant to break our moral code.
That’s the freedom of the psychopaths: he does pretty much what he wants as long as it’s beneficial to him/her. The difference is that one does not have to hurt other people. It’s an option but does not have to be.
We can learn from the freedom of action of the psychopaths to extend our choices. One of the key aspects of power.

I will add other things that I learned:

What I was referring to when talking about shades of grey is what he calls "the least worst solution". It's when the psychopath does not bat an eye if he has to kill 1 person to save 100 people.

Their ruthlessness: when it's time to make a decision or to be purely rational they have no problem to do it. As for other things, it's important to be able to turn it on and off. So it's useful to learn from them and to be able to selectively act like them not to be pathological like them.

Stay in the present: they are not anxious because they do not use their imagination in imagining the worst. They do what they can control, they are stoic in this way. However, from my understanding they do have a very poor inner life. They seem to live mostly through the external stimulation.

They don't procratinate: that comes back to the point above. They don't let their emotions get in their way. The task if often not as painful as we imagine it will be.

These are generalizations of course. They are the main takeaway I got from this book.

I recommend it warmly, to all people self-identifying as "nice guys" especially. (I'm a recovering one myself).

Jack and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

#6 · September 7, 2023, 11:39 pm

If this is love why do I feel so insecure by Carl Hindy

I read this book about 10 years ago while in a painful romantic relationship. As I said it changed my life. Here are the 2 key ideas that I remember to this day:

1. We fall in love unconsciously with someone who somehow embodies a mix of characteristics from our 2 parents. That’s why it feels « right » and cannot really be explained. We know the person when we meet him/her. It’s a pattern of characteristics (physical or not) that we recognize immediately and automatically.

2. If one of our parents did not provide with what we needed as a child we will try to get it as an adult. For instance if a parent was too engulfing we will try to resolve this as an adult (« this time I will get what I want/need » unconsciously). So we will get into a relationship with an engulfing person (dysfunctional person) and we will try to get the autonomy we could not get as a child. Or if we had an emotionally distant parent we will get into a relationship with an emotionally distant person and try to get the love we did not have as a child. Of course this does not work as we try to solve an unsolvable problem. The solution is to let go of these unmet needs of the child we were. And then meet someone who does not have the issue of the dysfunctional parent: find love with an emotionally available person for instance.

So first we have to heal our childhood wounds and accept the needs have been unmet. Then we can meet someone who’s functional in a psychological and emotional sense.

Power Duck has reacted to this post.