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Hello TPM community,
listening to The Curse of the High IQ, I understand that my social and dating challenges were not only coming from:
- A difference in the way of thinking
- Different aspirations
- Different life path
- Lower than average social intelligence
It was mainly coming from a quantity of intelligence. So this was the cause of all the above. And my social intelligence was because I did not understand why people were not challenging themselves or were so selfish, etc. It's because they're less intelligent than me on average. I'm aware how this sounds but it's only at 43 that I realize how deeply this impacted my life. Like with my "friends" they're not real friends because I cannot have the deep conversations that I love because I'm more intelligent and have a different intelligence.
That's why I consider the people here my friends: I feel listened to and understood because we share a high IQ. And we share unique life paths because of that. We don't care about conforming. We do it out of survival. For other people, they cannot want nor imagine a different way of living than conforming. Very different. He also talks about the rarity of people with abnormal intelligence (his term, which I like, not social climbing term). That the Internet solves for this. This forum is the proof. It also explains why PU and TPM is so niche. Most people just don't have the intellectual capacity to understand the value of it nor the desire to improve since all they have to do is conform (lower effort).
He gives an example: for someone with an IQ of 120-140, someone with normal intelligence (IQ 100) seems as dumb as someone with an IQ of 70-80 seems to a person with a normal intelligence with an IQ of 100. Boom.
So I guess it's clear: I highly recommend this book if you feel you're smarter than average and have been suffering from it.
Cheers.
Personally, I've had similar experiences regarding that, although it hadn't occured to me that it was caused for being more intelligent, but instead more curiosity/different life experiences. (I'm not familiarised with how intelligence is measured or with the different types of intelligence though, so I could be wrong )
Will read the book that's for sure, thanks for posting about it.
Yeah glad the book is of interest to you.
FYI it’s typical and common that smart people underestimate or are not aware of their own intelligence. Many smart people even think they’re dumb because of their life challenges.
For instance to me curiosity is one of the biggest sign of intelligence (for instance in children). Rethorical question: are stupid people curious? Exactly…
@lucio: during the book he speaks 5-6 times of turkeys and eagles. Reading here maybe or just similar thinking?
I don’t share the idea that having a high IQ is a curse.
To me it sounds like “ the curse of being a Brazilian top model in the heart of Manhattan”
I want to share with you this article that debunks myth that says that some people are “too smart to be happy” this myth is very pervasive in the French community.
Of course, I don’t want to downplay any difficulty that you may face in your life. But following the high IQ lead is probably wrong.
The link is in French unfortunately, but using the sidebar translator is probably good enough to understand if you guys are interested.
For people that are interested in the IQ subject. I strongly recommend this book it’s a great introduction to the subject. “Intelligence:all that matters”.
https://www.amazon.com/Intelligence-That-Matters-Stuart-Ritchie/dp/1444791877
One of the point of the book is that IQ is positively correlated with countless of things. And the only downside they could find is a link to myopia.
Yeah thanks for your remark and the links I’ll check them out. I agree.
The title is provocative on purpose. He talks about intelligence having more advantages than disadvantages. The real title could be “the unique challenges of a high IQ and how to deal with them”. I think it’s a great book just finished it.
Yeah I'm close to Jack here.
High IQ only a curse if coupled with other issues.
Now it seems this author says that high IQ comes with some issues such as low social intelligence.
To make a parallel, a bit like one would say "height is more likely to give you back pain, so it's not that good to be very tall".
IF those claims are right AND if the link is strong, then he may have a point.
As of now, from the lowness of my ignorance, I'm skeptical.
A parallel I'd use:
IQ points are like HPs in a car.
If you only add horsepower, the changes won't be huge.
And it may lead to some issues if the car doesn't handle properly.
But add larger tires, lower the car, improve CX, etc., and you're a lot better off.
Ie.: to the IQ, add what we teach here, strategies, power dynamics, reading people, (a bit of critical thinking) etc., and it's all golden.
P.S.:
That's not to take anything away from your take on this John, which may perfectly make sense to you and apply to you.
I personally am comfortable with lower IQ friends because I prioritize other traits such as character, values, straight talk, supporting friends instead of pulling power moves etc. etc..
But if one enjoys or wants deeper convo, then yeah, what you say makes sense (and of course, one can always have both, or different groups for different wants).
Hello Lucio,
thank you for your answer.
To make a parallel, a bit like one would say "height is more likely to give you back pain, so it's not that good to be very tall".
To be honest, the message in his book is different. To use your analogy, it's more like:
"height is more likely to give you back pain, so it's good you work out your back".
It's more of a guide for high IQ people to solve their unique challenges. So it shows his title was poorly chosen based on both feed-backs.
Beyond the title, I'm still curious about your opinion about the book even if I presented it poorly it appears.
The low social intelligence is my own assessment of my own challenges. All these below are the same. It comes from me. He does not say this in the book at all.
- A difference in the way of thinking
- Different aspirations
- Different life path
- Lower than average social intelligence
So to add more details on my analysis. It's not that I had low social intelligence. It's just that my social intelligence was only calibrated for intelligent people. Intelligent people (most of them) are more likely to be open to change their opinions, consider someone else's POV, admit their mistakes, etc.
So I personally had to learn about normal and low intelligence people's thinking. These are the majority of the population, hence my personal challenges. Like most of them prefer to feel good about themselves than face harsh truth to improve, value comfort over progress, social validation over innovation, etc. So it's a different mindset that was foreign to me. So I had to learn their ways. It's about having different values and apparently intelligence influence these values.
He talks about how understanding the pettiness can make smart people misanthropists. And then he goes into the solutions abnormally intelligent people find to deal with this feeling. He breaks it down depending on whether or not one believes in the afterlife (might seem odd but this is also how I think people will structure their life among other things). And then based on that, he breaks it down into further categories (no spoiler) to reach conclusions about life choices for this category of people.
Same for professional paths. He breaks down in what are the 3 professional paths that appeals to abnormally intelligent people. So yeah, solutions in this book. At least solutions for me. Of course it might not appeal to everyone.
See your second message now: yeah I'm totally fine with a mix. I don't need only deep convos but I need them somehow. I'm totally fine playing board games, drinking beer and having a laugh. Only that won't give me the mental stimulation I need. Hence my presence on this forum and my exchanges with you guys. Sometimes I'm also bored of the philosophical, origin of the universe, social dynamics conversations and like to talk about more mundane things.
It's more about needs and balance to me. Some fun, some mental stimulation. The mental stimulation is rarer because abnormally intelligent people are rarer, hence the challenge. I can hear that my message sounds like a judgment on not abnormally intelligent people. And it probably comes from my frustration of having difficulty finding it in my neighbouring environment.
As it's often the case in self-development, what's very helpful to me is to label things. Once I have concepts, it's easier for me to navigate reality and act on it.
Oh and yeah I'm comfortable with low IQ people as well. People are people. It's the character that matters the most. Once I learned the fundamentals needs and desires of human nature that we all share a long time ago, this was solved.
I love to learn from (exchange and laugh with) low IQ people as well. They have unique experiences and POV and I learn from them as well. This is not about us vs them. Win-win. It's more about the unique needs and desires of high IQ people.
