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Forced attempt to make one qualify themselves to the other person

There is a trick I have seen many times used by many value taking people to create a frame of them being a judge.

A typical statement with this trick is as below.

Value taker : I typically work with more 'X' people though you did have 'Y' quality and show some promise.

This statement assumes that you don't have the 'X' quality and the value taker made a favor to you by looking at your 'Y' quality.

Now if you say that you do have 'X' quality then it seems like you are trying hard for their approval and to work with them.

One of the ways I believe one could respond to this is by frame mirroring where you say the same kind of statement back to them.

Feel free to share your thoughts on how to handle such situations.

 

Quote from Growfast on October 1, 2021, 7:12 am

One of the ways I believe one could respond to this is by frame mirroring where you say the same kind of statement back to them.

How would that look like, for example?

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Yes X people can be OK.  I guess everyone has to decide who they like to work with.

Subtext is you ain't the only judge in this courthouse buddy. I just judged your judgement.

I would say this with a huge smirk .... So are we going to go round in circles with this BS mate or are we going to get real?

Lucio Buffalmano and Growfast have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoGrowfast

This is quite antagonistic.  I ve answered the question that was asked.  Risk of going punch for punch and this escalating.

I d probably go more philosopher.  Yes I agree X are good because ...blah blah.  And Y can be good for....blah blah.  Sometimes you need to change it up.

Your agreeing and then framing yourself as an equal in a discussion.

Lucio Buffalmano and Growfast have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoGrowfast

Yes, perfectly said by Kevin.

Mirroring what he's just said is reactive.
Even if he was playing power moves and being a turkey, you go even lower with that.

There are some situations where mirroring works well of course, but generally speaking, it shouldn't be your go-to method (and especially not in this case).

Growfast has reacted to this post.
Growfast
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 1, 2021, 11:09 am
Quote from Growfast on October 1, 2021, 7:12 am

One of the ways I believe one could respond to this is by frame mirroring where you say the same kind of statement back to them.

How would that look like, for example?

Ex : -

Value taker : I generally work with people who take more risks though you do have the quality of working hard and show promise.

Me : I generally work with people who take calculated risks and I think you might have some promise.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Quote from Growfast on October 1, 2021, 2:18 pm

Ex : -

Value taker : I generally work with people who take more risks though you do have the quality of working hard and show promise.

Me : I generally work with people who take calculated risks and I think you might have some promise.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

If he is someone you want to work for / be hired by, that would most likely destroy your chances.

If he is someone you are assessing working for or with, then you might not care.
But it still comes across as reactive, so I'd deliver it without the "you might have some promise".

For example:

You: Yeah, that's interesting. I prefer people who take calculated risks instead. Russian roulettes are not my thing. I just don't see the value in "risk" per se, I always look at the risk to return ration instead

You one-up him back, but it's not butt-hurt and reactive.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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