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Forging Ahead to Arrange the Date When Flaked Upon

This is from Lucio's example under How Power Intelligence Helped You in Life (Concrete Examples), Post #3.

The woman seemed to play some power moves but I am unsure if I read them correctly such as:

  • I apologize for the late reply but I have to cancel our date.
    This contains the "I'm sorry" and late power moves.
  • I only have an hour
    Sort of framing herself as the prize
  • You know how to convince
    Implies that the man is chasing
  • Wink Emoji
    Winking is covert aggression

As such, I would have thought that she's a game player and would not have gone further.
I didn't realise that the effective response would be to frame negotiate from there.

I think the most important objective in texting is to maximise the chances of getting a girl out with the least effort possible.
As such, one should have the mindset of finding angles to get the girl out rather than being overly focused on power dynamics.
One can rebalance the power dynamics in person, and continue to evaluate any red flags in person which is often more accurate.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on June 21, 2021, 7:36 am

The woman seemed to play some power moves but I am unsure if I read them correctly such as:

  • I apologize for the late reply but I have to cancel our date.
    This contains the "I'm sorry" and late power moves.
  • I only have an hour
    Sort of framing herself as the prize
  • You know how to convince
    Implies that the man is chasing
  • Wink Emoji
    Winking is covert aggression

 

 

I can see where you are coming from. If we assume that something really messed up her schedule, what do you think she should have written instead?
From that optimal message we can then add a bit of leeway for people who are not consciously analyzing social dynamics without overlooking or ignoring red flags.

I was a bit suprised as well by the outcome, because I tend to be the type of guy who really has to cancel or really just has an hour if he says so, which can easily be projected upon others who aren't as strict about their statements.

The 2h Lucio proposes on the other hand aren't really asking that much while at the same time preserving a standard and also a collaborative frame – just with these few words.

There were a few power moves, but not too bad.

Also, obviously, that was a snippet of the full interaction, including the previous texts, and overall she was a woman who invested a lot, so she already had positive social capital going into that.

A wink is sometimes covert aggression / covert power move, and especially within debating or within a correction that one does to someone else.
But, as most things, it's contextual, so not always covert aggression.

It was misplaced in that text above, and overall it was slightly one-upping. But it wasn't a case of covert aggression either.
A wink from two people who are dating can also be -and often is - a sexual innuendo -albeit that's more often the case after sex, or when sex is in the air.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for the advice from The_Critic and Lucio.
It helped a lot.

Also, obviously, that was a snippet of the full interaction, including the previous texts, and overall she was a woman who invested a lot, so she already had positive social capital going into that.

I can see how it's challenging to understand the dynamics without knowing the full history between 2 people.

Now I also understand that some minor power moves are okay if someone has previously brought a lot to the table as you can address that without much trouble.

Unless these power moves build up and you sense that she is being increasingly disrespectful.

The_Critic, with the prior investment from the woman as Lucio explained, now it makes sense that she followed through with the frame negotiation.

A wink is sometimes covert aggression / covert power move, and especially within debating or within a correction that one does to someone else.
But, as most things, it's contextual, so not always covert aggression.

It was misplaced in that text above, and overall it was slightly one-upping. But it wasn't a case of covert aggression either.
A wink from two people who are dating can also be -and often is - a sexual innuendo -albeit that's more often the case after sex, or when sex is in the air.

I see what you mean.
Winks can be condescending or cheeky.
Let me think about winks for a while and maybe start another thread.
Or add something here if it's relevant to this thread.

Covert aggression would be something like

Maybe you will arrange a better timing in the future ?

In Lucio's case, she was trying to be cheeky but it was misplaced.
As such, one could argue that it is a good thing as she is investing by being cheeky.


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overall she was a woman who invested a lot, so she already had positive social capital going into that.

Sounds like the date would have gone well!

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