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Frame Control Technique Application

The Lesson on Frame Control, Video Examples ( especially political ones), have opened my mind in ways whereby, I can come up with frame Control Techniques on the fly.

Mixed with some things I picked up from pitch anything

I did the following in real life situations. On reflecting back, I thought , It could be a go to tool in my arsenal.

#Situation 

I met an old friend who now owns a hotel chain in my country. We met at one of his hotels. I walked in to the lobby. When I came across him he greeted me, we walked a bit andbthen he suddenly stopped. He aggressively guided with his hand and pointed towards a particular sofa for me to sit.

I ignored his gesture as if I didn't notice it. I subtly turned 90 degrees and made a comment about the unusually empty lobby. And he rushed to explain how it's empty only because if the covid situation, otherwise it is rather full. I then humbly asked him to get me some water and willingly Sat where he had initially pointed.

My assessment:

1. He was the obvious high status person in this situation, as I was in his dominion.

2. I built up my status my showing deviance (Learnt the term from pitch anything)

3. He pointed towards the sofa, I pointed towards the lobby and made a comment( the video example of Trump and Kim  wàs running in my mind when I did this)

4. My provocative comment made him respond, which meant he got into my frame

5. I tasked him to get me some water, even though he merely ordered the staff, but he again gave into my frame.l again.

6. I then went onto sit where he initially wanted me to sit, therby not raising any red flags ( A concept internalised through Power University)

Did this small set of actions raise my power in a situation where I was in a bother persons territory, where I was obviously less powerful.

Could this small event bring about a significant change in the power dynamics in my favour?

Any feedback on this will be appreciated

Lucio Buffalmano and Matthew Whitewood have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Very interesting case.

Curious to hear what others might think of this.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I'm not sure how's the relationship with your old friend.
Meaning whether it's warm & friendly or competitive.

He is in his own hotel so probably directs guests very often.
So his strong gesture could be out of habit rather than aggressiveness.
Was he smiling and making warm chit-chat?

I do think not following directly is a good idea to show independence.
Though I would prefer to stay away from a provocative comment.
Because, if I owned a hotel chain, I personally would be sad to see an empty lobby when it's normally very full.

I would say something like

(take a look around)
Wow, something I really like about the ambience here.
Very elegant and it makes me feel at home.

Probably we have our own styles of opening up conversations.

As for serving the water, I would usually do so upon requests of a guest unless the guest asks rudely, or I know the guest to be value-taking.
Though normally, I would prepare a drink in advance so that the guests would not have to ask.
I don't think that he was being submissive.

Could this small event bring about a significant change in the power dynamics in my favour?

I don't think this one-off event would change the dynamics of a long-standing friendship too much.
I'm not exactly sure what kind of friendship you would like to have with your friend.
I think for any relationship, it's good to think about how the power dynamics serve your interests in the relationship.
Though, as we all know, it's always good to have more respect from your friends.

Your friend owns a hotel chain (correct me if I'm wrong).
So he's probably driven and high-power.
A more confident and high-power approach would most likely make him respect you more.

Making warm remarks would be on the safer side though.
Remarks that take away power from him may be dangerous.
He may start to feel competitive.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Hey thanks for your reply!

To provide further context to the situation.

I wasn't really looking into long term implications of this.

My intention or aim wasn't to make him submit in the truest meaning of the word submission or dominate.

I just resisted operating within his frame.  instead made him step into my frame in a situation where he had all the status.

Moreover, I have a great relationship with him. Just that he tries to one up in certain situations ie. By guiding behaviour and rightly so.

What the main point I am trying to figure out is that,

By:

1. defying his order to sit in the sofa asap when he instructed me to do so.( when he did guide, his facials gave me the impression that he wants to boss me around )

2. then Making him react to my comment ( I said it in a tonality of concern ),

3. Then requesting him to give me a drink                     (something he would have given me anyway, but I did it in my terms instead of his terms)

4. And then sitting in a position where he wanted me to sit ( but showing that I did so according to my willingness )

Did I shift any balance of situational status / power in my scale through the frame control?

Furthermore:

A more confident and high-power approach would most likely make him respect you more.

 

Making warm remarks would be on the safer side though.

Remarks that take away power from him may be dangerous.

He may start to feel competitive.

Wow! I hadn't thought of this possibility.

Although, I did the entire thing with a smile and a positive tone... Would I still come across as competing with him? Or is there a possibility that he would take me as higher status and respect me even more? ( I already have a good standing with him )

Moreover, a note of thanks to power university:

This is one of the friendships I recovered through consistently using collaborative frames over months, until he finally invited me to his hotel.

 

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