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Gaining power in my father's business

#1 · August 6, 2020, 5:57 pm

I'm a 21 year old guy who's just graduated with a bachelor's degree in business management. My dad has a business based around trading petrochemicals and petroleum products. I'm going to be joining his business soon. I have worked as an intern in his company during my summer holidays when I was back home from uni.

Now that I've graduated, I'm going to enter into the business full-time. Since I've worked as an intern, I know the employees and they know me as well. To give context, the company has around 200 employees in total across different places and I'm going to be working from the head office, which has around 50 employees. What I wanted to know is, do you have any tips on how I can establish my power in the company in such a way I'm on my own feet wherein I'm not under my father's shadow, so that the power I have is independent?

An idea I had was to build my technical knowledge of petrochemicals and all of that so I have an edge over other people in the company as most employees don't have a technical understanding of what products the company's buying and selling. Apart from that, do you guys have any suggestions on how I can go about achieving my goal of ultimately taking my dad's position as the CEO of the company? I don't want to end up being sidelined just because I'm my father's son or because of my young age, as most employees in the company are seniors in both age and experience. So how I can garner the respect of these senior employees while having power is essentially my doubt. To clarify, I also have my own shares in the company so I guess that could also be helpful.

#2 · August 7, 2020, 5:16 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 7, 2020, 5:16 am
Hello arunjoy,
Interesting situation.
Some ideas:
1. Pursuing further (technical) education
Yes, I like your idea of deepening your knowledge of petrochemicals.
As a matter of fact, since you've just finished your bachelor, you might even consider pursuing another bachelor degree in a field very close to petrochemicals, or a master in business administration.
That would give you the credentials to gain respect among the more educated and/or technical folks in the business. It's useful because albeit everyone would officially deny it, the truth is that most people who have studied more, or who have deeper technical knowledge tend to look down on those who don't have their same level of instruction or their same level of technical knowledge.
Business and technical knowledge aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
You could do the MBA while also learning some of the more technical stuff on the side. As long as you'd be able to understand what the engineers say, that should be enough to win their respect.
That being said, I would take that decision after having spoken to your father.
2. Focusing on the larger vision and trends
That MBA and/or technical knowledge will certainly be helpful, and since you are starting your career now, that can be your very next step.
What's even more important though is that you start putting that knowledge into the perspective of the larger vision, which is what upper management is all about.
Things like:
Where the industry is headed
What's the long-term strategy for the company
How the different projects fit into the grander vision
3. The Exec Skills
Finally, you want to develop your persona around what on this website I call "exec skills", which is basically about adding the professional skills to a high confidence and high power persona.
Once you come across as a high-power man and you have the knowledge to back it up, plus a vision to steer the company towards, then the top is where you naturally belong.
4. Politics and Father Relationship
People want to promote people they like.
And people like people who are like them.
You've heard that a few times probably.
Well, that's 100x more true with fathers.
Some authors say that fathers want to see their children like them because they are not sure about paternity. But whatever the reason is, it's true that fathers, much more so than mothers, delight and revel in seeing their children follow their path. And ideally, even exceeding them.
So to become the chosen successor, the most important step might be your relationship with your father.
Ideally, you already have a good relationship with him and you already respect him as a father figure. If not, that should be your priority. In the business perspective, you want him to mentor you and you want to speak to him on a regular basis.
Say that you'd love to join him on some of his trips. Trade shows or industry events are perfect. On the way or in the hotel, discuss with him about the industry, what he thinks it's moving towards.
In the beginning, focus on learning.
Without being a sycophant, also share your ideas and make some contributions, but never sound like "you know better". Now, you're learning, you're making your bones.
Ask him where he thinks you should be spending the most time learning. Which topics to study, in which office to spend time working.
Later on, as you grow, you will if you can meet investors and/or clients with him, and then discuss with him what he thinks about those people, how he thinks the meeting went, and what he thinks are the next steps and strategic moves.
As you grow and learn even more, you want those discussions to be more and more about "two individuals with equal knowledge and understanding, sharing strategies".
When you reach that level of talk with your father, you know are going to be the successor.

Hello arunjoy,

Interesting situation.

Some ideas:

1. Pursuing further (technical) education

Yes, I like your idea of deepening your knowledge of petrochemicals.
As a matter of fact, since you've just finished your bachelor, you might even consider pursuing another bachelor degree in a field very close to petrochemicals, or a master in business administration.
That would give you the credentials to gain respect among the more educated and/or technical folks in the business. It's useful because albeit everyone would officially deny it, the truth is that most people who have studied more, or who have deeper technical knowledge tend to look down on those who don't have their same level of instruction or their same level of technical knowledge.

Business and technical knowledge aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
You could do the MBA while also learning some of the more technical stuff on the side. As long as you'd be able to understand what the engineers say, that should be enough to win their respect.

That being said, I would take that decision after having spoken to your father.

2. Focusing on the larger vision and trends

That MBA and/or technical knowledge will certainly be helpful, and since you are starting your career now, that can be your very next step.

What's even more important though is that you start putting that knowledge into the perspective of the larger vision, which is what upper management is all about.
Things like:

Where the industry is headed
What's the long-term strategy for the company
How the different projects fit into the grander vision

3. The Exec Skills

Finally, you want to develop your persona around what on this website I call "exec skills", which is basically about adding the professional skills to a high confidence and high power persona.

Once you come across as a high-power man and you have the knowledge to back it up, plus a vision to steer the company towards, then the top is where you naturally belong.

4. Politics and Father Relationship

People want to promote people they like.
And people like people who are like them.

You've heard that a few times probably.
Well, that's 100x more true with fathers.

Some authors say that fathers want to see their children like them because they are not sure about paternity. But whatever the reason is, it's true that fathers, much more so than mothers, delight and revel in seeing their children follow their path. And ideally, even exceeding them.

So to become the chosen successor, the most important step might be your relationship with your father.

Ideally, you already have a good relationship with him and you already respect him as a father figure. If not, that should be your priority. In the business perspective, you want him to mentor you and you want to speak to him on a regular basis.
Say that you'd love to join him on some of his trips. Trade shows or industry events are perfect. On the way or in the hotel, discuss with him about the industry, what he thinks it's moving towards.

In the beginning, focus on learning.
Without being a sycophant, also share your ideas and make some contributions, but never sound like "you know better". Now, you're learning, you're making your bones.
Ask him where he thinks you should be spending the most time learning. Which topics to study, in which office to spend time working.

Later on, as you grow, you will if you can meet investors and/or clients with him, and then discuss with him what he thinks about those people, how he thinks the meeting went, and what he thinks are the next steps and strategic moves.

As you grow and learn even more, you want those discussions to be more and more about "two individuals with equal knowledge and understanding, sharing strategies".
When you reach that level of talk with your father, you know are going to be the successor.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#3 · August 7, 2020, 10:46 am

Hi Lucio,

Thanks for the detailed response. You have outlined some great ideas that will help my achieve what I want. I just have two doubts. There is a bit of politics within the upper management of the company, wherein basically the people are kinda split it into two sides. So how do I deal with that as I rise in the company so to speak?

And for developing my exec skills, how should I go about doing that? Does the exec skills article on the site and the workplace module of social power (I'm on module 1 of power university btw) cover everything I need to know? Or are there any other resources you'd also recommend to look at or read? I'm keen on developing my exec skills as I feel personally that it is a major aspect I need to understand deeply and embody. Thanks.

Also I wanted to give you a special thanks for this website and the course, as I've been looking for a website that deals with power and social dynamics a long time and the way you talk about is really deep, knowledgeable, backed up by science and gets straight to the point cutting out the BS. Keep it up brother!

#4 · August 8, 2020, 6:34 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 8, 2020, 6:34 am
Hello Arunjoy,
I'm glad it was helpful.
As for the exec skills, yes, the workplace module has many of those mindsets, attitudes, and behaviors to adopt. Plus, the whole course helps you in that direction (a high power and respect-worthy individual is high power anywhere, including at work).
Now on your specific situation:
Stay away from taking sides as you learn
Keep in mind the obvious note:
I am not aware of the specifics of the situation, so my advice is more based on general principles and general good strategies, you will have to adapt them to your situation.
And as a general strategy, while you're learning, you want to stay away from taking sides.
This is true both to maximize your learning, and from a power dynamics perspective.
From a power dynamics perspective, you will add little value to the faction you join as a newbie since you carry little weight and little power. So you're a weak ally and, as per social exchange rule, as you give little, you will also gain little from them.
But you would still be an enemy for the other faction, and they will share less knowledge, less insider information, and be less welcoming to you joining or working in their teams.
And people will generally be thinking "he just got in, he's already deep into the politics".
No, you don't need that.
You don't want to be groomed to be an ally of anyone, you want to grow to be your own man. And the best leaders take the company's side.
Actually, make it a point to be super-partes, ask for lunch or coffee with people from both sides, be warm and friendly to both, show that you are there to learn and not to take sides.
Keep in mind that a minority of people, the most hardened fighters, resent neutrals (and you might want to fire those once you're on top).
So if someone tries to seize you up and see where you stand, go higher and above with a philosopher frame, but without shaming them. You give them something, just not to turn them into enemies, but still without committing.
For example:
Him: (...) yeah, that was the original plan. But then Mark from controlling had to make it personal and sink the project. What an asshole.
You: (smiles, as if to say "I know, I get you", but avoids piling in verbally and then changes topic)
Or doing it verbally: "yeah, sometimes people fight hard for their team, and the company can end up losing an opportunity. So are you going to rework the specs and submit the plan again?" (you give him some support, but you make it general instead of that specific person).
Taking sides later on: Keep your father in mind
That's the general rule.
Keep in mind that you still want to keep your father for reference.
If he is more leaning towards one side or another, you want to lean a bit more on his side (but still without going extreme, more times than not, founders ultimately prioritize the company).
And as you grow and get nearer to the top, then you might have to get your hands dirty somehow in the politics.
That's when you want to take your calculator out and see who's got more shares/power/influence and who is most likely to carry you to the top.
I'd hate having to do that, but once you're on top, then you can also shape a better culture with is less about factions, and more about pulling the cart together.

Hello Arunjoy,

I'm glad it was helpful.

As for the exec skills, yes, the workplace module has many of those mindsets, attitudes, and behaviors to adopt. Plus, the whole course helps you in that direction (a high power and respect-worthy individual is high power anywhere, including at work).

Now on your specific situation:

Stay away from taking sides as you learn

Keep in mind the obvious note:

I am not aware of the specifics of the situation, so my advice is more based on general principles and general good strategies, you will have to adapt them to your situation.

And as a general strategy, while you're learning, you want to stay away from taking sides.

This is true both to maximize your learning, and from a power dynamics perspective.

From a power dynamics perspective, you will add little value to the faction you join as a newbie since you carry little weight and little power. So you're a weak ally and, as per social exchange rule, as you give little, you will also gain little from them.
But you would still be an enemy for the other faction, and they will share less knowledge, less insider information, and be less welcoming to you joining or working in their teams.

And people will generally be thinking "he just got in, he's already deep into the politics".

No, you don't need that.
You don't want to be groomed to be an ally of anyone, you want to grow to be your own man. And the best leaders take the company's side.
Actually, make it a point to be super-partes, ask for lunch or coffee with people from both sides, be warm and friendly to both, show that you are there to learn and not to take sides.

Keep in mind that a minority of people, the most hardened fighters, resent neutrals (and you might want to fire those once you're on top).
So if someone tries to seize you up and see where you stand, go higher and above with a philosopher frame, but without shaming them. You give them something, just not to turn them into enemies, but still without committing.

For example:

Him: (...) yeah, that was the original plan. But then Mark from controlling had to make it personal and sink the project. What an asshole.
You: (smiles, as if to say "I know, I get you", but avoids piling in verbally and then changes topic)

Or doing it verbally: "yeah, sometimes people fight hard for their team, and the company can end up losing an opportunity. So are you going to rework the specs and submit the plan again?" (you give him some support, but you make it general instead of that specific person).

Taking sides later on: Keep your father in mind

That's the general rule.

Keep in mind that you still want to keep your father for reference.

If he is more leaning towards one side or another, you want to lean a bit more on his side (but still without going extreme, more times than not, founders ultimately prioritize the company).

And as you grow and get nearer to the top, then you might have to get your hands dirty somehow in the politics.
That's when you want to take your calculator out and see who's got more shares/power/influence and who is most likely to carry you to the top.

I'd hate having to do that, but once you're on top, then you can also shape a better culture with is less about factions, and more about pulling the cart together.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.