Quote from John Freeman on August 27, 2023, 11:08 pm

Hello TPM community,

this happened to me recently. There's a hospitalized baby.

Day 1: I see no otitis

Day 2 (morning shift,my colleague shift): he sees an otitis and puts some treatment that is not recommended for this age.

Day 2 (afternoon shift): I learn this and go see the ear: I see no otitis. He's not there anymore. I tell the nurses, my supervisor and the resident what I saw. I say not to change anything since he put this diagnosis so we keep it that way. I don't like it since there is this treatment

Day 3: my attending colleague is pissed off because everyone heard I did not see an otitis but he did and I did not tell him (being the last informed).

1. About the diagnosis: he says that "he has seen many otitis". I tell him that I expressed to my colleagues what I saw but out of respect I did not want to change anything. I also was sure that he was not ready to hear another opinion as he has a big ego. I tell him that this conversation where we just disagree is why I did not tell him. I knew it was going to nowhere.
2. About not telling him directly: he says that we're a team and that I should have told him. That when I said to do some things to the residents he said nothing (implying something but I did not surface: did I do some mistakes where he covered me? Did he not? I don't know). He says that if I said something he will say: "If John says so". I apologize and tell him it was not my intention. My intention was to respect his decision by not changing anything and I spoke out since I checked. He does not really accept my apologies and says: "when I have said what I said then it's good". So it does not take me into consideration.

I talk about it with the resident: I asked her if he was pissed. She said "no but he has a big ego. Everyone has flaws".

It's only today that I realize that he manipulated me:

1. I knew he was not ready to listen since he changed my diagnosis and was not open to listen to what I saw
2. He guilt-tripped me: "I covered you (when? about what?) and you did not cover me"
3. He did not accept my olive branch
4. He went smart-alecing on me in several instances and babying me.

Yes, it's true it would have been better to tell him. It was 9pm and he was not at work anymore but I could have left him a voice message. However, I think he took it way too personally.

As we said when we get into a conflict with someone we get to see their character. Well, I liked that he proposed straight talk and teamwork. However I'm not so sure he himself is a straight talker as several times he did something to save face with the bosses with the information I provided and triangulated.

So he's quite machiavellian and ego-driven. I'm taking note.

I have my faults but the way he spoke to me I did not like. I'll do better next time and now I'll be less vulnerable with him.

The public power moves, this event, now it's not an isolated event. And typical with this kind of character I'm thinking: "Oh I must have been wrong" when I saw some good side of his character. He's not a bad person per say. He's just in it for himself and likes to listen to himself talk. It's fine. Not the worst kind of colleague I've had.

I have to repair the relationship but I'll make sure to make it so that he cannot hurt me. I already decided not to teach him anymore.

PS: I created this topic in the wrong category if you guys want to move this to "Work" I think it's more fitting. Could not delete it.