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Giving value as a life strategy

Hello guys,

I personally believe in the strategy of giving value. It's pro-social (it's good for the group) and it makes us feel good through our own reward circuit (helper's high). We are wired to collaborate.

However, I'm learning that this is not enough. Michael Franzese said that he had plenty of people he was giving money to and helping but still he was being betrayed.

Also, with my recent experience with A. I learned that I gave him and his 2 friends plenty of value. However, I don't think they have any loyalty towards me. I don't think we have a strong bond.

What is your opinion on this topic?

I feel at peace because I really cooked and invited them from my heart. So I'm not bitter or anything. However, I see that providing value is not enough. I am grateful to the people who provided value but I see this is not a given.

selffriend has reacted to this post.

I think my current self can answer my past self now. I think that it is also about the identity of the giver. So here are my thoughts:

  1. Machiavellian: I think that when the opportunity presents itself we should render favours to people. It is well shown in the Godfather 3. That's how he became powerful. By having people owe him something. So it's about leveraging the reciprocity/social exchange theory. The more we give, the more we get.
  2. Philosophical/Spiritual: I think that we're all better off if we add value to one another life. Life is more fun this way and more enriching. We all have something valuable to offer one another. Even if only our own self-expression (which is actually the most valuable thing to me).

So I think problems arise when we give in order to make someone dependent on us. I think when we give, there should be at least some part that is desiring the well-being of the individual. Otherwise, it is too manipulative and will come back to bite us. Because of the reciprocity law and/or "you get what you give" phenomenon.