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Greetings, all

Hi Power Movers,

I'm new here, and I'd like to introduce myself. My name is ***. I work as ********. Previously, I made a living as a *********, and ***** is still my hobby.

I grew up in family circumstances where I wasn't able to learn good social skills, and in adulthood I've been something of a classic "nice guy." That's changing fast, as I've come to realize that nice guys should win, and that requires certain skills and choices. I like the analogy of "social martial arts."

This site has been a godsend, and I've just started working through Power University, which is so far living up to its ambitious promises. My partner and I are both excited about all this.

Best,
***

 

Edit:
Removed PIII

Lucio Buffalmano and Ali Scarlett have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoAli Scarlett

Cool to have you here, sg!

Quote from sg on October 8, 2021, 5:13 pm

I grew up in family circumstances where I wasn't able to learn good social skills, and in adulthood I've been something of a classic "nice guy." That's changing fast, as I've come to realize that nice guys should win, and that requires certain skills and choices. I like the analogy of "social martial arts."

I like this a lot.

And it quite captures the spirit as well.

Hadn't we settled for "fly with the eagles" I could see myself spending a few days thinking of some variations of "where nice guys come to finish first".

sg has reacted to this post.
sg
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I find it tragic that so often nice guys finish last. This web site is the best and most complete resource I've seen for putting power into the hands of those who deserve it, or who are working to deserve it. What you do here is difficult: show people who want to be nice and morally upstanding that they also need to know about the dark side, and sometimes even to use manipulation tactics.

A situation happened to me some years ago in a group of people. There was a man I had once known as a work colleague, and he didn't like me because he wanted me to be one of his followers and I was too independent for him. But 20 years later we were in a completely different setting, and he was a respected leader in this group. That's when he took revenge against me for refusing to follow him all those years before. I was going through hard emotional times and down. Most of these people were friends whom I counted on to be emotionally supportive. But he led a successful revolt against me, and the result was that I ended up ostracized from this group of friends. Had I understood power dynamics, I would have seen this man for the Machiavellian he was, and I'd have known something about how to hold my ground against him. What he did was nasty, and I see now that nasty countermoves would have been warranted in that situation, even though I want to be "nice."

I think the content here is groundbreaking, and I'd eagerly recommend it to anyone.

By the way, my partner laments that she can't find a high-quality resource like this one to help her learn how to take a more submissive role in our relationship. All the resources seem to be aimed at how to gain power, but what does a woman do who has spent her life being powerful and now wants to stop subconsciously trying to dominate her man all the time because it is creating tension in the relationship?

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Great example, sg.

And it perfectly captures the goal of this website / course / mission.

It makes me think if back then a "respectful distance" approach could have worked.
Not following anyone, doing your own thing, but also actively making sure that he knew you were OK with him personally so as to keep the relationship cordial.
Of course, that's the general approach from the outside, you know better if it could have worked.

Quote from sg on October 8, 2021, 8:08 pm

I think the content here is groundbreaking, and I'd eagerly recommend it to anyone.

Thank you sg, check out the affiliate program as well so we can make it win-win :).

Quote from sg on October 8, 2021, 8:08 pm

By the way, my partner laments that she can't find a high-quality resource like this one to help her learn how to take a more submissive role in our relationship. All the resources seem to be aimed at how to gain power, but what does a woman do who has spent her life being powerful and now wants to stop subconsciously trying to dominate her man all the time because it is creating tension in the relationship?

Great question.

And what a coincidence, I had just saved today this video as a resource for Seduction University.

https://youtu.be/ZLXCUyuGXwI

Definitely there isn't much.
PU has a few lessons on combining power with femininity and my very unbiased opinion (being sarcastic here) is that there are quite some good pointers already.
More is needed, hopefully soon in SU :).

Edit:
Added the sarcasm note to avoid confusions

sg has reacted to this post.
sg
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for the response and pointer to the video. Quite interesting. Looking forward to getting to those lessons, as I may share ideas with my partner.

The situation with the vindictive leader was complicated by my general naivete with not only him but others in the group at that time. But it does stand in my mind as an example of where someone was nasty enough that I would have felt morally justified in fighting back with tactics that I would normally consider bad or wrong. As you have said in several places, it helps me see that the context matters. It would always be best not to need such things, but a situation like that makes me think that it's good to have knowledge of them for when someone is out for blood, not from an emotional reactivity standpoint, but just from the standpoint of being effective and not letting someone crush you.

Speaking of emotional reactivity, are you familiar with the psychological theories of Murray Bowen (i.e., "Bowen Theory")? It seems to me that a lot of what is taught here lines up beautifully with Bowen Theory. For example, you teach emotional independence, which is similar to Bowen's concept "differentiation of self."

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Lucio Buffalmano
Quote from sg on October 8, 2021, 10:37 pm

The situation with the vindictive leader was complicated by my general naivete with not only him but others in the group at that time. But it does stand in my mind as an example of where someone was nasty enough that I would have felt morally justified in fighting back with tactics that I would normally consider bad or wrong. As you have said in several places, it helps me see that the context matters. It would always be best not to need such things, but a situation like that makes me think that it's good to have knowledge of them for when someone is out for blood, not from an emotional reactivity standpoint, but just from the standpoint of being effective and not letting someone crush you.

Got it.
Yeah, it's a common recurrence that people who are not very vindictive or power-hungry themselves struggle to foresee the behavior of -and strategize against- those who are.

It's similar for people who don't lie much, who are more likely to believe others, and fall for the lie.
As someone who naturally prefers the truth, it took me quite some time to start properly discounting what people say.

And that's also the reason why learning these things can be so helpful to the "good guys".

I'm not yet familiar with Murray Bowen, but thank you for putting him on the map, I'll look into him.

sg has reacted to this post.
sg
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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