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Growing Beyond Cynism By Accepting Disempowerement
Too long it was that I had a stick up my ass, scanning and taking most interactions with no warmth, acting on or remembering even the slighest of disempowerement and creating enemies where I should only set boundaries.
Example being one of my family that is making jokes about others and manipulates you to make you believe it. It made me angry, so angry indeed that during the certain escalation there was screaming and it even ended in the exchange "Why do you speak as if I am some trash?" and me responding "that's who you are".
Other people from family tried to reconcile, also gaslighting that there is no reason to get so angry even though it was happening for months, and to them too. After clarifying though what I don't like also to them, they accepted my anger ( they get angry at them too, but let themselves be disempowered ) and later even respected what I did.
I won, but even though I won, instead of setting boundaries and leaving some space for their self-reflection and win-win, I completely discarded them and they won't speak again with me, having a resentment towards what I said and no matter if they change or not, they will still hate me, possibility of win-win was lost, spite remaining.
In part, it was because I took it too seriously, some people will disempower others, most people actually will in some way sooner or later, and if you ca't look past that and grow resentful, you lose so much of possibility for cooperation.
My answer is to accept the disempowerement that others give you, as long as you move towards your goals and achieve what you want to achieve, one should learn to simply ignore and go past others value-taking and address it when it's interrupt with achieving your goals, accept the banter created to make you look bad, do it yourself, find nonsense jokes stupid and cringe-worthy while accepting and even laughing at those that you feel have some truth in it.
For example, if you have a question and instead of answering someone makes fun of you, grind through him until you get what you need, then it's meaningless to address the jokes further than saying "just get to the point next time".
To do this you need high power dynamics skills to see what disempowered matters little and you can let it go, ability to strike down disempowerement when it's necessary and have an unbreakable mindset to take the criticism and bad intentions and not be bothered with them but simply making the optimal choice to reach your goal.
It makes you warmer not caring about other's small games, being able to humor with others, about yourself too, come out of conflicts better by not being too resentful and being able to see the win-win ( even if letting them do some of their antics ).
Feel free to share your thoughts.
