Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Handling situations with members with hurt ego
I don't want to sound like I am bragging but I was recently congratulated on a achievement of mine in the social circle and received a whole lot of complements.
However there was a new member in my social circle who had progressed farther than me in the same field where I achieved something and started asking questions about things which I was yet to learn and he had already lerant.
When I did reply that
"I still had to learn all those things and it's best he ask someone else regarding it or google it if he is interested".
He then started telling me of how he already knows about it and thought that I knew about it too and starts answering his own questions.
I see the power dynamics here was that his ego got hurt since he wasn't being complemented despite having progressed further and had to find a way to pull me down.
How would you guys have handled this situation?
Hi Growfast,
It's easier to give feedback on word-for-word interactions (even if it's only a rough idea of what was said based on what you can still remember).
So, here are my thoughts based on what you've shared so far.
Quote from Growfast on February 5, 2022, 4:45 pm(...)
...I was recently congratulated on a achievement of mine in the social circle and received a whole lot of compliments...
(...)
This put you in the "high-power" position.
And, it seems like that might've made your new friend (who seems to have a competitive frame here) start to view you as more of a threat.
Keep in mind, he's new to everyone, so he's still establishing himself as a value-giver and earning the respect of the group.
So, you can actually respond by building him up. This will:
- Position you as a non-threat: and (hopefully) move him to a more collaborative frame.
- Give him value: by shining a positive light on him and pulling him up in the group.
- Show a leader's disposition toward the situation: the group starts giving you a bunch of compliments and then, all of a sudden, the new guy starts trying to make you look bad. Most people will know what's going on. So, choosing to take the high road and build him up will show a leaderlike attitude to the situation.
For example:
[You receive lots of compliments from the group]
New Guy: (asks questions about things you haven't learned yet)
You: "Yeah, I still have some room to learn more about those things, so it's best to ask someone else or Google it if you're interested."
New Guy: (starts proving to the group he already knew the answers to all the questions he just asked)
You: (gives a compliment) "Awesome man, it seems like I could learn a thing or two from you (smiles)."
Now, on the other hand, if this guy is just a cheap value-taker, I think a more neutral statement would be better suited:
New Guy: (starts proving to the group he already knew the answers to all the questions he asked)
You: "Yeah, cool, never had a doubt. So, anyway...(moves the conversation along to a different topic)."
Then, if it becomes a repeat issue, going assertive might be your best bet.
Feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree with my thoughts above.
Another possible approach:
Prevent it.
When you say "ask someone else or Google it" it can easily sound dismissive.
Sub-communication might easily be "don't bother me with that shit, go find your own answers".
As soon as someone asks questions that are very advanced, say it first:
Oh man, I still need to learn a shit ton of stuff
And when they answer themselves:
Cool man, sounds like you know a lot already, rock on. I'm happy to learn from you then
