Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Handling "You're here X years and you don't speak the language yet..."
If you are an expat living abroad and you stubbornly refuse to learn the crummy local languages, I salute you.
Jokes aside, it’s great being able to speak more languages, but there are a thousand good reasons you might not want to learn the local one.
Including my favorite one: life priorities.
If I could pay a sum of money and acquire a perfect command of a language, I’d do it. But toiling years to reach a moderate level of expertise? Not worth the effort.
However, no matter how good your reasons, you will always stumble upon the idiot who wants to make you feel bad for not learning the local language.
Most of all, they (unconsciously) like putting you on the defensive.
It’s a social power game.
They get to wiggle their judgmental finger at you, feel powerful about it, and you must defend while at the same time not looking like you are snubbing the crummy local culture.
What to do you then?
Here are 3 great ways to approach it:
1. Kind & Intelligent
You: I wish, I wish I could.
And if I lived a million years or if I had the whole time in the world, I certainly would.
Unluckily thouguh we only have one life, and to fit everything we love most, we need to prioritize.
This is a socially intelligent reply that shows consideration for the local culture while also sounding philosophical and intelligent.
Great retort.
2. Social Power Move
You: I'd love to.
If I could pay a lump sum and learn it in a second, I totally would.
But in life we need to decide what to prioritize.
And I choose depth and mastery over broadness and "good enough"
They tried to put you the defensive by making you sound like an inconsiderate prick (or, worse, mentally inferior).
You counterattack by taking the intellectual high-ground and making them look like shallow novices.
Basically what you are telling them is this: your strategy of being a jack of all trades is a failed one. You have been wasting your time and, BTW, your English is crap.
3. Dominant Prick
You: Correct.
X years and a half to be accurate.
With this option, you basically raise a big giant "so what, here is my middle finger to you and to the local culture". Whatever they reply your attitude is "yeah, and... ?"
Them: "But you should learn the language"
You: "I don't think so"
Them: "but what about the respect for the culture"
You: "Who said anything about respect"
Them: "What about talking to the local people"
You: "Who said I want to talk to the locals"
Being part of a dominant culture comes with certain perks. One of them is not having to learn no damn languages.
So don't feel forced to.
And most of all, don't let anyone put you on the defensive with that shit.
