Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Hello!
Hello to Everyone!
My name is Bel, I just started Power University and am learning so much not only from Lucio's work but also from all your messages on the forum.
I got to the Power Moves because I recently found out that most of my relations have always been with very manipulative people. After reading the blog here and many other resources about narcissism and psychopathy, I basically went no contact with lots of people (many frenemies, and even worse). I now understand that, due to childhood and family reasons, my behavior has been very submissive all my life. I basically was the epitome of naive.
The thing that compelled me to face the truth was, funnily enough, my job. After working in a big law firm for ten years, I decided to go alone because my boss was making it impossible for me to continue working there after he found out I was (in agreement with him!) starting to get personal clients. I then started getting work as a solo lawyer that pitted me against very manipulative people, and I was forced to see them for who they were and what they were truly doing. Had I not opened my eyes, I would have lost my cases and my clients, and I could not afford that. I also started slowly realizing that some of my colleagues were faking cooperation and friendship with me to basically try to get my clients for themselves. From there, I saw the similarities between the behavior of these people and that of many of my past and current "friends" and acquaintances and even family members.
I look forward to becoming an active member of the forum. It is really a pleasure to finally be able to speak about these topics with fellow travelers on this path.
Best,
Bel
Welcome, Bel!
Good to see you here, and happy to read about your development.
Distancing or outright shedding the "less than ideal" folks from your life is a great start -and the very first step towards adding better ones-.
Welcome Bel!
I lost time and money in the legal industry as well.
I was interested in LegalTech but now not as much.
Many lawyers seem to have tales of backstabbing and betrayals.
As you have advised, big law especially.
There's a great deal of infighting to be the "rainmaker" of the firm.
As a result, lawyers also don't want to share legal knowledge with one another too.
Yeah, it's a good point.
It's only natural that some professions and fields have more manipulators / Machiavellians / takers / people with a "dog eat dot" approach to both interpersonal relationships, and the world.
The legal profession might be -probably is- one of those professions.
I agree that the legal profession attracts a higher percentage of takers: that is my experience. However, I also think my behavior was in itself attracting lots of manipulators and evil people, as I have basically been surrounded by them all my life. I simply could not see them as bad, and I used to think that all persons have basic human conscience. I used to think I was doing something wrong that led to bad behavior by people that seemed ok at the beginning. Now I understand this is not the case: they just wanted me to think that way.
I have lots of stories about takers and manipulators, some pretty recent and many others from my past. I wanted to share some of them here to try to make sense of things, because I feel that I was basically subject to death by a thousand cuts many many times in my life, and bad behavior from each of these people always escalated, and ultimately got so bad that I had no choice but to go no contact with them. I also understand now that if I had reacted differently, I probably would have avoided a lot of hurt and grief. In a way they were always testing me to see if I would understand what they were doing, and the more my responses indicated that I was unaware of the power dynamics, the worse they would behave towards me.
For now, thank you Lucio and thank you Matthew for your welcome, and talk soon.
Quote from Bel on November 15, 2021, 12:22 amHowever, I also think my behavior was in itself attracting lots of manipulators and evil people, as I have basically been surrounded by them all my life. I simply could not see them as bad
(...)
I also understand now that if I had reacted differently, I probably would have avoided a lot of hurt and grief (...)
Nice man, really quote-worthy stuff.
A tough-love self-talk, and a very empowered way of looking at it.
When one can give that tough-love gift to himself, then he is ready to change things for the better.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stories and progress.
Talk soon!
