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High-power Eagle frame control: Ben one-ups, Charlie one-ups back Eagle-style
Ben: (...) so it's the same kind of...
Charlie: (interrupts) I wanna elaborate on that, because they're different in different contexts
Ben: well, try not to give away our whole course (one-upping/tasking, it disempowers Charlie. Worse, it's low-power one upping, with a defensive and fearful mindset)
Charlie: it's fine, if I can give it away in these 5 minutes then it's not worth taking
Ben: ahah OK
Charlie: so... (goes on explaining)
Ben later interrupts Charlie again to add more details and Charlie lets him.
So Ben rolls with the punches, and re-empowers himself.
On Interruptions
Interrupting each other is no big deal if:
- it's a general approach to communication style (see for example Gary V)
- both do it and are cool with it
- the interruption is about eagerness to add value.
By the way, what makes it a high-quality eagle approach:
- Totally non-needy: I don't need to sell anyone anything. Because of that:
- Superior/enlightened: I go with the flow, I'm not a venal penny-pincher (such a stark contrast to many marketers)
- Abundance: sub-communicates he also has more than enough. Either materially, or mentally (or both)
- Eagle-type, high-quality approach to exchanges: if I don't sell because a 5 minute answer can replace a course, I don't deserve to sell that course
- Assertive: Ben is his friend, but he put his truth and his willingness to provide value first. And without being rude or aggressive
A bit related to interruptions.
I usually tell the person interuppting to wait and that he will get his chance. (If it just seems like he is trying to steal the spotlight)
If it's value adding then allowing the interupption is a good idea.
However to regain power I generally stop talking and get a bit distracted after the person finishes his story and will engage only if he puts effort to engage me by asking about my opinion.
Feel free to share your thoughts on whether this approach according to you might seem a like empowering oneself or a bit one upping.
Quote from Growfast on August 27, 2021, 6:51 pmI usually tell the person interuppting to wait and that he will get his chance. (If it just seems like he is trying to steal the spotlight)
Fair approach.
Quote from Growfast on August 27, 2021, 6:51 pmIf it's value adding then allowing the interupption is a good idea.
As a general rule, yes.
Also, it depends a lot how they interrupt and how the conversation is generally framed.
If it's a debate, then one should be more assertive in defending one's speaking time.
If it's more free-flowing, interruptions are more natural, as there is a tendency for people to interrupt when they feel they have some important to say, or when they care a lot.
That way, if everyone is free to interrupt when they really care to say something, everyone also feel more part of the conversation, which is generally good for all.
Also, if people interrput because they care that you hear them, they're also indirectly raising your value.
You matter big time when people jump in because they want to influence you. People usually don't wan to influence the lowest-status person, they want to influence high-status persons.
And if they crave your nod of approval as well, then you're the judge and the highest status person.
Quote from Growfast on August 27, 2021, 6:51 pmHowever to regain power I generally stop talking and get a bit distracted after the person finishes his story and will engage only if he puts effort to engage me by asking about my opinion.
Very Machiavellian way of thinking and yes, it can be a great approach to re-empower yourself.
One way of re-empowering oneself is to (slightly) disrespect those who first disempowered you.
That can be done by ignoring, yes.
The only question I'd have is about the context.
If it's called for, then this is proper power dynamics / advanced social skills.
If it's uncalled for, you might instead be shooting yourself in the foot and losing an opportunity to be a great leader / eagle.
