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How do you feel about this old power move to counter tasking?
As I was studying the new lesson on tasking in PU, I got thinking about this little technique we all know from infancy.
This is very circumstancial, since it requires the tasker not to say “please”. At least where I live, though, it’s much more common for taskers to do it without “please” than the contrary.
Smart tasker: Pass me the napkin
You: What is the magic little word? (smiling, playful tone)
Smart tasker: O, sorry. Please.
You: Good! (let it hang to let the judge power dynamic sink and further delay the execution) Here you are (hand him the napkin)
It’s a babying power move (that’s how we correct children). It highlights that he is lacking in basic good manners, so he has nowhere to go – either he will look like a dick, or he will have to comply. Now it’s not you executing a task anymore, it’s him asking and you doing him a favour (a few more cents in your social bank account).
You can’t do it to your boss, but you can do this to everyone at the same level or below you. It’s also easy because this is a stockphrase we all heard when we were children, and can apply to a multitude of settings (“send me the report”, “hold this ”...).
Then you also gain time to find out if it’s a fair task and react accordingly with the other techniques.
Do you agree?
On second thought, I guess we can discard this one. It'll only lead to softer forms of tasking in the future, plus it'll frame you as someone more worried about good manners than getting things done.
It can be irritating when you don’t get the respect you think you deserve.
However I would not use this one as it sets a precedent. Now you also have to say please or they will use it on you.
Depending on the culture/context, it can also be interpreted as being thin-skinned.
So I think it’s a good idea to find a solution for this kind of situations.
So far I let it slip. However takers love that you let it slip. So I think a defensive move is appropriate in these situation.
I think you can go assertive in these situations where the person is not close enough or not in a situation to order you around.
I used to emphasize “you’re welcome” with a smile to indirectly call attention to it. However it does sound weak to takers and they won’t even address it (I experienced it this week-end with a cover request: “I would love to smoke a cigarette”).
So an option would be: “you don’t say please?” with a smile while giving the napkin.
That communicates that you are above the games but still expect respect in this situation. You’re not petty but still express your expectation.
And then you get intel on the character of the person no matter what they answer. So you get your fair share of a deal: info about someone’s character.
If there is another occurrence and the person did not say please the first time (despite you asking for it) and the situation repeats itself, you can now baby them as they proved they deserved it.
As I said be ready to say please to this person in your next interactions.
I think it's quite good.
A bit cheeky and yes, not the highest power, but in some situations and/or with the right intonation, it can be good.
John's spin on it is also great:
Quote from John Freeman on July 13, 2022, 6:11 pm“you don’t say please?”
Either while you do, as John says, or also before as you purposefully stop them and look at the sideways, ready to go for it "because you make little of it, but still appreciate politeness".
I'll wait for a few more messages/ideas, and then maybe it can also be added to that lesson.
Thank you for your thoughts, John. I fully agree with you. I still get this (wrong) thing on my head that says that we have to one-up power moves in order to discourage them. But, for most situations, perhaps neutralizing is the best mindset. After I read your thread, I also agree that level 3 tasking is adequate if no one is overdoing it and we get the chance to do the same back.
Edit: just fixed the hyperlink and made it clearer that I think I have to take out of my mind this idea that one-upping = always good
Oh, thank you very much, Lucio! So perhaps we can still have a use for it!
But we'd better save it for when the tasker is bossing around, perhaps?
Thanks Lucio for the acknowledgement!
Dear Kavalier, I would kindly remind you to soar with the eagles :) What I mean is that as an eagle you get to choose your response. Instead of going tit-for-tat. If you choose to go tit-for-tat, nice! If it's a choice. However, my current understanding is that the default is to go higher. I'm not sure that my answer goes higher though, I'm addressing the mindset that you exposed in your last message.
As a mindset, I think you'll discourage them more if they see that when they attack you, you get more powerful. Compared to you fighting back when they attack you. What is the most scary? The hydra that grows two heads as you cut one or the cut on your arm after you inflicted a cut?
Also, a friendly reminder: I did not meant the idea of "levels of tasking" to refer to a fixed scale (With all due respect, I don't honestly know what level 3 is), but more to show that there is a continuum and one has to adapt the way they task people. I'm happy that you guys are getting ownership of the concept though. It means it's useful :)
Quote from John Freeman on July 13, 2022, 7:13 pmAlso, a friendly reminder: I did not meant the idea of "levels of tasking" to refer to a fixed scale (With all due respect, I don't honestly know what level 3 is), but more to show that there is a continuum and one has to adapt the way they task people. I'm happy that you guys are getting ownership of the concept though.
Absolutely, it's always good to remind ourselves that a scale is a reference tool, and it loses its usefulness if we look at them as "fixed". The way you put it there, though, is not at all fixed. It's very helpful if we think of it in terms of the traffic light diagram. "Level 3" is just a quick reference to what you put as "3. Ordering Example: Give me the fork (neutral/warm tone)" in your levels of tasking thread. It's a good concept, it deserves to be valued
Quote from Kavalier on July 13, 2022, 7:09 pmOh, thank you very much, Lucio! So perhaps we can still have a use for it!
But we'd better save it for when the tasker is bossing around, perhaps?
That post you link has been on my "to read list" for several days now.
I have a feeling it's good, so I'll get to it soon (and get back here).
