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How do you maintain your frame in this scene from The Godfather?
when people say, "Don't do X", how do you maintain your frame?
For example, in this scene from The Godfather scene:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jYnRBX2Trtk
"Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever."
How do you maintain your frame in this scene from The Godfather without starting a power showdown?
If we were to analyze it, the stare, slow voice combined with the line he said is what makes him look dominant.
So the first step, in my opinion, would be to match his tone, but the problem with that is that it could result in a power showdown.
The atmosphere would become very tense, however, you could pace and lead. Start with dominant tone and transition into another tone.
I was thinking you can respond by using the same technique, "Don't you do XYZ" but now it also becomes a power showdown.
What strategies could we use to maintain our frame without starting a power showdown or win/lose scenario when somebody tells you, "Don't do XYZ"?
I think the question is really, "How do you handle high tension situations in a way that is win/win or socially smooth?"
And also, "How do you maintain your frame against a dominant frame?"
These are advanced topics. Probably questions for another topic.
The other part of my question.
It is a disempowering frame when people tell you, "Don't do XYZ" because unless you're in a position where they have authority over you, you are free to do whatever you want. Who the fuck are they to tell you what to do? It's a form of tasking.
The way you handle it is context and relationship specific.
The one response you can use in all situations is telling them to fuck off but that's the aggressive approach.
There was a post that addressed this it might be on PU.
Basically, you can use a stock phrase and call it out by saying “that’s an aggressive/weird way to say that” or “…. thing to say.” If they respond with “why” then you can explain it.
I had a friend say something like this to me at the gym in front of my girl and I just ignored it, said “have a good workout” patted him on the shoulder and ended the interaction.
I m trying to become more minimal and avoid punch for punch unless it's super rude. Carlos answer was perfect. For his gym sitch
Other options ( for a second offence)
Body language: smile patronisingly at same time as frowning and shaking head. Then change topic.
Yea man. That's one way.
Smile and say with warmth: bro that's nearly good.... anyway
And then change topic
On the original topic I think Fredo was wrong and should take it. It's the frickin godfather the real OG.
You always have to think about the consequences before you push back. We are talking the mafia the consequences could be permanent.
Also it's a really bad idea to push back on topics that are sensitive with people and loyalty is everything to the Godfather.
In real life I probably would have just soiled my pants. In another reality I might have said yes sorry godfather you are 100% right I forgot myself.
That is respecting his Authority as the godfather not trying to play The brother card.
"We really should talk more."
That is playing the brother card to help strengthen the relationship.
Yeah I agree with Transitioned, based on the original movie plot, Fredo doesn't have much space to push back (he was in the wrong + the huge power differential).
I think for a more equal relationship, one can always do a heavy frown + head shake as if saying “What the F is that”, or address:
Me: You can keep your opinions, and I keep mine. After all, what we can do is to be responsible for our own actions.
A bit of the philosopher frame and weakening/reframing the command as opinions (with no presiding power).
"Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever."
I think I would have answered calmly, with a low tone: "Listen, Michael. I see that you're upset and I understand you. You're my little brother and I have always supported and encouraged you, I still do it, even though sometimes it appears that emotions might hinder you in seeing things clearly."
This is another question where Context matters soo much. Michael is way above fredo in hiearchies even though hes younger. If I recall correctly, Fredo did something which went against his Family. I think in This case there is no "How to maintain my frame" because the power hierachies is so unbalanced. Michael is the clear leader and fredo is his follower. As dominant as it is, its a valid point which Michael is making and he even power protects him a litte "your my brother, i love you". There is no frame to hold or win for fredo here.
I forgot what freddo did afterwards but Michael is the one with power, and the one with power has a little bit of more "right" to correct him.
