Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 6, 2020, 12:50 pm

Hey A,

Good question.
I move it to the general forum as it's not too PU-specific.

Social dynamics are very context-dependent.
So you should give me a clear example to give you a proper feedback.

However, as a general principle:

When to use it

Sometimes it's OK to use that format, and it can also be great to rebuild rapport if the joke was too much.
You SHOULD also use it if you see that the target is getting offended. Then by adding, "just joking man", you're basically saying:

You: I'm just joking man (pats him on the back) = Look, I didn't mean to offend, I was just teasing and want to be in a good relationship with you

If you don't do that, then you harm the relationship.

When not to use it

But a lot depends on what was the joke about.

• When it's used as covert-aggression

A value-taking joke followed by "just joking" is covert aggression.

There are times and places for deploying some covert aggression, but they are limited in time and space.

In my opinion, it's best to completely rid yourself of covert aggression, and then add it back up strategically when needed. But getting rid first is better, covert aggression is poison to someone who seeks high-power and high-quality behavior.

• When it's too often

And, in general, I recommend not to overdo it.

if you overdo it, it makes you come across as slimy and low-power.
Like you don't have the courage and confidence to make a joke and always need to retreat. It's a bad feeling you give to people when you overdo it, and it's not what high-power folks generally do -and definitely not high-quality folks-.