How to balance the growth mindset - reflections on my academic experience
I am about to defend my PhD dissertation really soon, and all kinds of emotions have been stirred up in the past few days while I run the last mile dealing with my mentors. I happened to see Lucio's newsletter about the growth mindset, which is really an eye opener, but of course after digesting it made perfect sense to me and feels quite fitting to what I've learnt in my academic journey. Below are my few thoughts and I would also appreciate any other suggestions as to how I can handle the defense process and the final revision more seamlessly.
The PhD process is paradoxical on its own because on one hand, you are still too green for the field; on the other hand, you are aiming to be an expert on your dissertation topic - so you are a learner to your mentors, but you are expected to be an expert on your manuscript. The chances of abuse and other political shenanigans are high because of the inherent power differential. This process has been grueling to me because I didn't learn effectively how to balance being a learner and being an expert. I've always been pretty open-minded and I tend to adopt the extreme growth mindset, which harmed me more than did me any good specifically for the group of mentors I had. None of them has any interest in a more growth mindset, and they are all fixated on their opinions and their wishes being granted.
The PhD process is a bit extreme (even more extreme for me) but it probably would apply to wider situations such as employment, internships or traineeships.
This is what I learnt from my mistakes so far:
- Assess the personality matches of potential mentors - it might take a few meetings and also genuine words of mouths from other students: I didn't spot that some of my mentors are actually pretty fixed on power control, and is potentially manipulative, and their working styles can be detrimental for me
- Get close to your mentor in different ways - in the professional sense, you can ask them to give opinions, a lot! (if time permits) This gets them in their mentors hat - Lucio mentioned finding a mentor at work, but in this case, it's literally mentors by contract. Partly it's my personal situation that I moved away from my institution, and with the pandemic everything was very disrupted and I always felt more and more disconnected and marginalized toward the end
- Keep a record for your references, and double/triple/quadruple check critical material - Record keeping is not for retaliation but in this long process a lot of contradictory opinions and suggestions will emerge, this is purely for the purpose of covering your own ass when shit hits the fan. I had to do a major revision of my draft because one small but critical mistake was discovered just within days of my defense
- Set your boundaries early - there were some not great behaviors, such as I have no access to one person because that person is "busy" - a colleague of my advisor and my advisor has told me to leave him alone. I simply tolerated it. This doesn't make sense because for anyone to be on my committee I should have some access to them. There is no mentoring if this person doesn't even make an effort to answer my questions or is not in direct communication
- A lot of it is how you present/project yourself - I didn't find any "truths" by going through this process. On the contrary, I find academic opinions to be highly subjective. Since I incline to the extreme growth mindset, I tend to ask a lot of questions and clarifying opinions, which actually did not help me get through the process because it takes more time to assimilate information and approaches that in the end did not prove to be anything
I feel a bit trepid since I know the defense will be more of a power play than actual academic debate, and I didn't like this game. It's always been confusing, and damaging to my emotional health. But on the other hand, I will be out soon! And I think I know better now and am equipped with the mindset that it is all about how I can project my confidence, while maintain rapport - like always start by acknowledging the other person's questions etc.
Hi Emily,
thank you for your post.
It's really excellent and makes total sense for me to understand my past university situation as well.
I made the mistake to concentrate on "learning", while there were other students who concentrated on "projecting power and expertise". The resulting stress and difficulties were one of the reasons for my exiting the academia at graduation and not coming back.
I think people with narcissistic traits unconsciously tend to assume the "expert/teacher frame" as opposed to the "learning frame" in every area they are in (if nothing else, because they are actually incapable to learn something about themselves), and this tends to increase their social power. Thus in turn this may explain why people in academia tend to be more narcissistic than average: they are able to ascend precisely because they project more power in an environment where many other people may be focused on "learning".
These people automatically become "teachers", so to say, even though they may not have learned much.
Yeah, thank you for sharing this indeed.
And I see that you decided to go for it and finish the PhD, nice.
Glad you're seeing it through, and I'm happy for you that you will soon be out of it.
The feeling of leaving a bad place is one of the most liberating of them all.
It's certainly not surprising indeed that academia has a lot to do with power and power dynamics -and portraying yourself as knowledgeable/scholarly/scientific/logical/etc.-.
When you read Seligman's work with power awareness you see the power dynamics, power moves, and the taking advantage of others all over it.
And when you read Steven Pinker you see the red flags of narcissism and power hunger all over it -putting himself and being "right" first-.
Both are considered -and maybe even are- top scholars.
Quote from Emily on November 15, 2022, 12:58 am
- Set your boundaries early - there were some not great behaviors, such as I have no access to one person because that person is "busy" - a colleague of my advisor and my advisor has told me to leave him alone. I simply tolerated it. This doesn't make sense because for anyone to be on my committee I should have some access to them. There is no mentoring if this person doesn't even make an effort to answer my questions or is not in direct communication
Does he gain something personally by being on the committee?
If not, I think it's fair of him to say "I'm truly too busy" -especially if he really is or if he's pursuing something-.
If so, he may have just put himself as a figurehead to help move things along.
If he gains personally, then instead he's being more a taker/asshole for collecting his benefits, but refusing to give back.
You should have definitely pushed for access if it's the latter.
And even if not, it would have probably been smart and good for you to try anyway even if it was the former -many appreciate assertive people who go for it-.
A simple and polite but firm insistence such as "I understand he's busy. And we all are. And still, he's on the committee so I'd like to talk to him" may have been good indeed.
Still, as you say, you do things and learn -and it sounds like you're doing that very well-.
Quote from Bel on November 15, 2022, 11:00 amHi Emily,
thank you for your post.
It's really excellent and makes total sense for me to understand my past university situation as well.
I made the mistake to concentrate on "learning", while there were other students who concentrated on "projecting power and expertise". The resulting stress and difficulties were one of the reasons for my exiting the academia at graduation and not coming back.
I think people with narcissistic traits unconsciously tend to assume the "expert/teacher frame" as opposed to the "learning frame" in every area they are in (if nothing else, because they are actually incapable to learn something about themselves), and this tends to increase their social power. Thus in turn this may explain why people in academia tend to be more narcissistic than average: they are able to ascend precisely because they project more power in an environment where many other people may be focused on "learning".
These people automatically become "teachers", so to say, even though they may not have learned much.
I agree, Bel. The selection effects are definitely interesting. Well it was one of the wake-up calls for me as I naively assumed that it was all about learning. Now I have a much more expansive definition of learning, and I am only accountable for myself. Glad to be part of the TPM community where I can focus on this purpose.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 15, 2022, 12:12 pmYeah, thank you for sharing this indeed.
And I see that you decided to go for it and finish the PhD, nice.
Glad you're seeing it through, and I'm happy for you that you will soon be out of it.
The feeling of leaving a bad place is one of the most liberating of them all.It's certainly not surprising indeed that academia has a lot to do with power and power dynamics -and portraying yourself as knowledgeable/scholarly/scientific/logical/etc.-.
When you read Seligman's work with power awareness you see the power dynamics, power moves, and the taking advantage of others all over it.
And when you read Steven Pinker you see the red flags of narcissism and power hunger all over it -putting himself and being "right" first-.
Both are considered -and maybe even are- top scholars.
Quote from Emily on November 15, 2022, 12:58 am
- Set your boundaries early - there were some not great behaviors, such as I have no access to one person because that person is "busy" - a colleague of my advisor and my advisor has told me to leave him alone. I simply tolerated it. This doesn't make sense because for anyone to be on my committee I should have some access to them. There is no mentoring if this person doesn't even make an effort to answer my questions or is not in direct communication
Does he gain something personally by being on the committee?
If not, I think it's fair of him to say "I'm truly too busy" -especially if he really is or if he's pursuing something-.
If so, he may have just put himself as a figurehead to help move things along.If he gains personally, then instead he's being more a taker/asshole for collecting his benefits, but refusing to give back.
You should have definitely pushed for access if it's the latter.
And even if not, it would have probably been smart and good for you to try anyway even if it was the former -many appreciate assertive people who go for it-.A simple and polite but firm insistence such as "I understand he's busy. And we all are. And still, he's on the committee so I'd like to talk to him" may have been good indeed.
Still, as you say, you do things and learn -and it sounds like you're doing that very well-.
Sure, Lucio. I do feel a little better each day after it was over! Glad that I could be on the other side of things, and in the future I would be more aware of cultural fitness, as well as self-advocacy.
Yes I agree, the inflated ego in academia is a thing that I have experienced over and over again.
As for the absent mentor, I could speak some words after my actual defense. I found that this person was able to give really to-the-point insights, he was probably truly busy and since his colleague is my main mentor, he decided to take a hands-off approach. But also it was disempowering on my end, because the extent of his involvement was decided unilaterally, whereas a few more sessions with him would have helped me tremendously. He is a powerful person for sure, as he was one of the main staff team members running the study that my analysis is based on. For a person with that kind of power, I don't feel he is really an a*hole by his demeanor, so there might be something funky going on between him and my main mentor who has been working closely with him for quite a while.
Hey Emily
Glad you're finishing the PhD. Heck of an achievement - everyone knows they don't hand those out in Xmas crackers. Big thing to add some original knowledge to the world. I worked for Universities 3 times. They seem a bit of a hothouse environment. You have all the pressures and politics of a big corporate and there's this kind of small village feel in the departments as everyone works within their speciality. You're instinct sounds on the money. PhD students ae often seen as scarce resources for academics - probably a bit of jockeying for resources or jealousy because they didn't get. You might feel a bit flat once you've got your dissertation published but in a few months once you look back you'll realise how amazing it was to get past this.
Congrats Emily on finishing your PhD. The one thing that comes to mind is: How's the relationship between him and your main mentor? Who owns a favor to who? Who is leading and who is following? Do they like each other? It could be you are in the middle of a power struggle that you where you have little visibility. At this point it doesn't matter. Get the PhD, celebrate, and move on to other things. No need to invest into understanding power dynamics for a place that will have no influence in your life after a few months.