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How to Counter manipulative negative frames

Many times there are situations where people impose negative frames on you to get you to react and qualify to their frame.


Example - when you don't agree to do something they want.

"If you are not a helpful person, I understand"

Similarly if you are a shy/nervous/inexperienced, etc.

If you directly go against their frame then essentially they become a judge and if you don't do what they want then you are in that negative light.

You also can't accept it because then you are falling within their frame and they are a judge again.

You can go meta however is their any other way you can hit back?

I welcome your ideas on how to counter negative frames.


Let me jot down my thoughts and return if better ideas come to mind:

Him: If you are not a helpful person, I understand

You: What do you mean by "not helpful"? (surfacing the covert frame)

Him: You don't want to help me with this.

You: If it's something that would benefit both of us, sure.
In this case, it's a favour that would take up quite a bit of my time.

It's not really fair to expect me to come out time to help you whenever you want.

If he frames you as shy/inexperienced,

Him: If you are shy, I understand.

You: Yeah you look confident. You should do it yourself. (frame re-shaping)

There's a dialogue feature in this forum that could help to highlight conversations:

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Lucio Buffalmano