Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2023, 8:53 pm

Hello,

one of my supervisors is a « drill sergeant » (cf PU or I think it’s in TPM’s blog as well).

Reading PU made me realize something I had not perceived earlier: the insecurity that pushes them to dominate people.

So I realized how I adapted to this style since they can be often found in hospital:

Don’t challenge them: they’re competitive so if they feel you slighted them (or worse publicly) they might hold a grudge and be looking for a revenge opportunity. Of course one can always challenge in a power-protecting way but still better to be avoided as much as possible.

Be a good follower/performer/executant: when one does that it soothes the insecurity they might have around their leadership and/or their skills. Also their (self-)image as a competent leader/professional is very important to them. So if one helps them to accomplish their goals it helps them play this part socially and to themselves. It’s a confirmation of their self-image which is always flattering to one’s ego. They will also give one more responsibility over time if one shows oneself worthy of their delegation. Also competing with them or trying to one-up them or be higher status than them is a losing strategy.

Be a good “padawan”: it is similar with the above but with a twist. They like to be admired and looked up to. That is again a confirmation of their skills and leadership ability. What I noticed is that I tend to followed her today in several situations and she loved it. I think it is a status symbol to them. For instance sometimes she would ask me to give phone calls (maybe a test) so I sometimes was a glorified secretary. Not always but sometimes. So it gives them a kick to have someone (more powerful the better) to do their bidding. That is they like to parade with the person if they think one is worthy of being around them. The good is that one gets to observe up close and learn from them both in leadership and skills. The bad is that it often puts one in a passive/observer role. Which leads me to the final point.

Relax and enjoy the ride: I never have so little work than when I’m working with her since she’s doing so much by herself. At first I thought it was going to reflect bad on me since she’s sometimes/often do things that are things that I could have done. It’s not the case as she likes/needs so much to control things that it seems she thinks that it’s a benefit for her to take control. So the bad is that there is less learning by doing as Lucio noticed. So they’re not the best teachers but not the worst either. The good is that one gets to not spend as much energy as one would have without them.

One thing that she taught me is to get buy-in from the team is that once she establishes a plan she says: “is that ok with you?”. However, I think it actually reinforces her dominance as one has to acquiesce with makes one submits even more than just doing the task and she dominates even more. So more power to her less for us.

In Summary: one loses power through submission/subordination and close control from them. But one gains power through being close: observing them, learning from them. One also gains power through power-borrowing and power-aligning. One also gains status by association.

I think she really likes me and so do I. I think she feels understood by the way I behave so it creates tons of trust and it’s like I’m her trusted lieutenant. I’m not going to be the alpha here so it’s a good place to be actually.

I’m happy to read if you have any comments.