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How to Deal with Frenemy who is a senior at work
I am applying to a Job, it's a really good training opportunity.
However, A school friend of mine who truned from a great friend to enemy t frenemy works there at a higher position than me, I am joining as a graduate trainee now, he joined there as a graduate trainee in 2016 and now works full time.
I need him to be on my side
So far my genral strategy would be to use the updated verisom of "Never Outshine the Master".
But how much submission should i show to him ? how do i handle his power plays without making him an enemy? How do i win him over to the friend side?
Hey man, glad to meet you!
I'll be direct as usual: I think you have wrong mindset. You already see him as superior and you as inferior. Or worse seeing him as an enemy/frenemy. You also say you "need" him to be on your side. The problem is your relationship.
First, you have to understand what a relationship is (from my point of view): It's a channel between two people. Until now, you sent negative shit through the channel and he's probably been doing the same: you guys are rivals and are hostile to one another (I don't care who started it, who's the bad guy, who's the good person). That is why you're using these terms. I propose you the following frame (which is mine) about our situation:
- Realize he's superior and knowledge and experience but he's not superior to you. Very important concept.
- Realize you guys are allies, you just have not found in what ways yet.
- You don't need him to be on your side, that would (maybe) be helpful for you
- From now on, commit yourself only to send positive things through the channels between you two: give value to him. Just because that's who you are (I know you're not like that yet but that's the goal: be a high-quality man, dude).
So basically, if you are hostile now, your next goal is to make the relationship neutral and from neutral to friendly. 1 step at at time.
First step (this is an example): every time you meet him, say hello and smile. Do this until he's (more or less) reciprocating. Then ask him about his day, etc. You see my point. Start where you are and work/invest on improving your relationship ON YOUR END. Just be cool, man. You guys are not rivals. It just happen that you compared one another because you guys are peers (based on age, location, etc.) based on a mechanism in your brains. So it's not even real. You don't even need to have a rival. Just aim to be the best at what you do and you won't have any rival. Congratulate him on his achievement.
Cheers!
Hi John! It's lovely meeting you!
I have always been focused on techniques and strategies and nothing on mindset.
But yes, what you pointed there, if I can Internalise the mindset, there would be no need for techniques.
This opened my mind to a new way of approaching communication.
Thank you so much!
I'm happy this is helpful! BTW, I recommend you to change your nickname, I find it disempowering. Remember that you're talking to yourself at all times and telling yourself who you are at all times. So disempowering self-talk -> disempowering self-image -> disempowering results.
Quote from John Freeman on November 15, 2020, 11:03 amI'm happy this is helpful! BTW, I recommend you to change your nickname, I find it disempowering. Remember that you're talking to yourself at all times and telling yourself who you are at all times. So disempowering self-talk -> disempowering self-image -> disempowering results.
BIG + 1 for this one.
Great advice.
Advice noted and accepted with a hearty thanks.
Thank you so much
Boom! A new man is back in town! :)
Exactly! I was going to say that:
Boom! Just Boom! The sky is the limit for you my man. An open mind is one of the key characteristic of the Learner. I'll post one more for you now. Look it up in Self-Development -> "Mindsets" -> Learner.
