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How to deal with managers you don't respect?

#1 · June 9, 2020, 8:57 am

Hello,

Before, my strategy was to submit and please people. But I'm getting tired of it as I value myself more than before and I am often as old or older than my supervisors. This is not the reason for the lack of respect though. It took me a lot of time to understand how my field (medicine) works in my country (Switzerland). What I found out is that medicine is not as difficult as people portray it, in my opinion. It's just very badly taught and people are keeping knowledge and secrets to themselves. So this is the context.

Back to my question. When I don't respect a manager it's one of 4 things, I estimate that they lack:

Leadership qualities: they don't put the group before themselves and seek only command-and-control type of leadership, not inspiring.
Values alignment: they're not in it for the well-being of patients but for other reasons: status, power, money, etc.
Character: they're just people I would not like to meet outside of work.
Knowledge: at the role they're at, they should have more knowledge or at least be humble if they do not know as much. People think that because they spent X amount of time in hospitals, it makes them experts. It does not. Deliberate practice does.

I'm a junior in my role but I'm older so I have more perspective on all this work stuff. I don't believe the hospital, the town I work are the end-all be-all of life. As I said, I'm discarding my old puppy strategy, thanks to subliminals for self-esteem and social power course. I understand that I cannot have an adversarial relationships with my managers (notice: not "leaders"), thanks to Jocko Willink. So, I do my best to be professional and do what they tell me but I don't respect them, though. To be fair, in my field they don't get proper training in leadership or management: they get promoted and they have to figure it out by themselves (typical in Switzerland).

Any advice?

#2 · June 11, 2020, 5:44 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 11, 2020, 5:44 am
Hey John,
Without mincing words, having managers you don't respect can be a bitch if you don't actively work on it.
They have power over you, but you don't think they deserve to have it, so you end up resenting them.
You might try to avoid them, but avoiding them is difficult, since they are your managers (plus: it only harms your professional opportunities for advancement).
If you let that fester, work can become a source of displeasure, and since work is such a big part of life, your whole mood and quality of life will be affected.
Mindsets for Bad Managers
Here are a few ideas on how to deal with it:
An opportunity for growth: learning to thrive in an environment with bosses you don't respect is a huge opportunity for reframing and mental self-control. That can include asking yourself what you can respect from those people, to alleviate your personal dislike of them
Taking responsibility for the outcome: if some managers don't care about establishing a positive work environment and delivering for the patients, they are abdicating some of their real leadership responsibility.
So, who is going to pick up the slack? It could be you. That might require you finding ways around them, actively fostering a team atmosphere, or getting along as much as possible with them (How? That's also the opportunity for growth)
An opportunity for proving yourself how supple you are: if I can thrive in spite of these bad managers, what does it say about me? It says I can choose my mood, control my mind, and shape my environment.
Learner mindset to become the person you want to be, through those you don't want to be: I can learn as much from poor managers as I can learn from good ones. I can learn how I do not want to be. How does their poor attitude show? How does their haughty attitude poison the team? Learn their jokes, their facial expressions, their gestures, their tone of voice... (this is more helpful than most realize, actually. Learning from poor examples is a huge learning opportunity)
Finally, it's possible the environment might beyond repair (but don't jump straight to this conclusion: the best life-turnarounds happen when you refuse to consider a situation hopeless).
At that point, you might want to start plotting your way out.
Once you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you will naturally feel better.
And then you can simply focus on doing your best and learning the most, while knowing that you are only passing by.
If anyone has more useful mindsets for these situations, I'm happy to hear them.

Hey John,

Without mincing words, having managers you don't respect can be a bitch if you don't actively work on it.

They have power over you, but you don't think they deserve to have it, so you end up resenting them.
You might try to avoid them, but avoiding them is difficult, since they are your managers (plus: it only harms your professional opportunities for advancement).

If you let that fester, work can become a source of displeasure, and since work is such a big part of life, your whole mood and quality of life will be affected.

Mindsets for Bad Managers

Here are a few ideas on how to deal with it:

An opportunity for growth: learning to thrive in an environment with bosses you don't respect is a huge opportunity for reframing and mental self-control. That can include asking yourself what you can respect from those people, to alleviate your personal dislike of them
Taking responsibility for the outcome: if some managers don't care about establishing a positive work environment and delivering for the patients, they are abdicating some of their real leadership responsibility.
So, who is going to pick up the slack? It could be you. That might require you finding ways around them, actively fostering a team atmosphere, or getting along as much as possible with them (How? That's also the opportunity for growth)
An opportunity for proving yourself how supple you are: if I can thrive in spite of these bad managers, what does it say about me? It says I can choose my mood, control my mind, and shape my environment.
Learner mindset to become the person you want to be, through those you don't want to be: I can learn as much from poor managers as I can learn from good ones. I can learn how I do not want to be. How does their poor attitude show? How does their haughty attitude poison the team? Learn their jokes, their facial expressions, their gestures, their tone of voice... (this is more helpful than most realize, actually. Learning from poor examples is a huge learning opportunity)

Finally, it's possible the environment might beyond repair (but don't jump straight to this conclusion: the best life-turnarounds happen when you refuse to consider a situation hopeless).
At that point, you might want to start plotting your way out.

Once you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you will naturally feel better.

And then you can simply focus on doing your best and learning the most, while knowing that you are only passing by.

If anyone has more useful mindsets for these situations, I'm happy to hear them.

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#3 · June 11, 2020, 4:12 pm

Hi Lucio, how do you determine when a particular situation is "unfixable"? I'm in a similar situation.

#4 · June 12, 2020, 12:30 am

It's great advice, thank you. I did not break it down the way you do. However, I do practice the mindset of the learner. So, yes the best solution is to view it as a learning opportunity.