Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on April 6, 2019, 3:23 pm

Compliments are some of the most under-appreciated tools of socialization and of power dynamics.

Many people refrain from compliments because they are afraid that giving compliments positions them as inferior.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.

The person who compliments positions himself as the judge of the interaction (as long as he does it well and has a minimum social value, read below for more details).

Here are a few rules of power compliments:

#1. Avoid "You Are"

"You are" is actually powerful, but it's a bit risky.

If you manage to pay a compliment for something they really feel they deserve or, even more powerful, something few people notice, then it's 3x time more powerful.

But unless you have already become very skilled at social interactions, chances that you will hit their sweet spot are rather low.

And when you get it wrong and people don't agree with your compliment, that also means they are not ready to accept your compliment.

When you compliment them for something they don't feel they are or they fully deserve, they unconsciously feel like you don't get them, that you are not sincere and that you two have nothing in common.

By the way, this one of the reasons why people and women with low self-esteem end up with abusive relationships: they don't feel like men who like them actually "get them".

#2. Avoid Placing People on The Pedestal

This is another typical way of complimenting wrong.
When you place people so far higher above you that it's not anymore a compliment but an admission of inferiority and akin to a prayer.

Usually ,these compliments are very generic.

Imagine a guy talking to an attractive woman:

Man: "you are soooo hot"
(and the woman feels a total disconnect because he doesn't even treat her like a human being and places himself so far beneath her)

Or imagine person X just finishes to explain why he believes flags and nationalism are harmful to the world.
And the speaking partner says:

Person Y: "God you are so smart"
(and person X feels so alone because Y is not even trying to discuss but places him so far high)

These are exactly the cases and situations in which a compliment makes you worse off.
That revolves a lot around value and perceive value. When your perceived personal value as the complimenter is lower than the complimented, then it's more likely that you indeed are harming yourself.

The solution?
Simply become a cool guy and high value gal and then you are finally free to compliment everyone ?

#3. Say "I Think You Are"

"I think you are" eliminates the danger that we discussed above: that the person receiving the compliment doesn't feeel "good enoguh" for the compliment" or that you compliment them for something they don't feel they are good at.

It also ground your compliment better, avoid any "pedestal dynamics" and gives you more power.

#4. Use Their Name

And now the complimenting superpower.

To supercharge your compliment, use their name.
If you don't know their name yet, this is the time to place your social power move. Just do like she does:

It's a bit awkward that they had a 13YO girl play this move in an effort to replicate a lolita-older man sexual chemistry.
But that's a powerful way of complimenting nonetheless.