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How to Handle Condescending Generic Remarks?
I recently shared a piece of information with an acquaintance that we talk from time to time about a business problem.
Me: I recently talked to someone and he shared with me that solving this would save him a lot of time. Here is what he shared ...
Him: Massive problem yes, the industry is trying to solve it.
This generic comment sounds condescending and adds little value. He also indirectly frames me as someone who is fresh to this problem and is relatively ignorant.
I'm thinking of replying
Me: If you have more details, we could talk about it.
Or
Me: Open to hearing what you think if you have more insight.
Or
Me: Uh huh
To imply that he should stop making smart comments and focus on sharing what we both can bring to the table in discussions.
I'm thinking of keeping more distance from him as well. Maybe as a person who I can gain some information from time to time.
Hey Matthew,
I don't necessarily see malice or value/power-taking effects with your acquaintance's statement.
It felt more like a "lubricant statement", like he didn't have much more to add. That's the type of sentence that people use instead of saying nothing. You throw it in as a way of kinda keep the conversation going, as a social lubricant.
Still, in a way it did fail to recognize any value in your previous statement.
But now the question becomes: was your statement value-adding, did it contain some pragmatic seeds to take it further -or did you present in such a way?-.
If yes, then you can simply keep on going, for example:
Exactly. And if anyone can contribute to solving it, there is much to gain. That's what I mean with... (restate the main point you're making)Â
What do you think of it?
Thanks a lot Lucio.
I seem to have a slight tendency to see standalone social lubricant remarks as you described as condescending and dismissive.
This means remarks without content but things people say instead of nothing.
It is possibly why I viewed "sure" as condescending like a previous thread as well.
Maybe I need to think about why I think this why.
But now the question becomes: was your statement value-adding, did it contain some pragmatic seeds to take it further -or did you present in such a way?-.
I wrote "Short Note of My Customer Research in HR".
Mentioned what the potential end customer said, and ended off with how hiring should tie in better with onboarding.
This probably conveys that my statement doesn't need much of a reply.
I think it may have implied that I am going to follow up with more details.
It felt more like a "lubricant statement", like he didn't have much more to add. That's the type of sentence that people use instead of saying nothing. You throw it in as a way of kinda keep the conversation going, as a social lubricant.
He may have nothing much to say and interpreted that I will follow up with more details.
If yes, then you can simply keep on going, for example:
Exactly. And if anyone can contribute to solving it, there is much to gain. That's what I mean with... (restate the main point you're making)
What do you think of it?
Thanks for your advice on how to continue the conversation.
Keep expanding on the thread. Restate the important points.
