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How to know if you love someone...or simply the idea of them
Psychologist, Guy Winch, says that, at the beginning of a relationship, you don't know everything about your partner. So, you're likely to "fill in the blanks" with assumptions you'd like to believe in order to create a "perfect picture" of the person you've chosen for a LTR.
So, Winch offers some questions you can ask yourself to remove assumptions (and get to know them for who they truly are):
- How does this person "fight" when they are really angry?: If you don't know how a person fights when they are really angry, then you don't really know them yet.
- How does this person respond/react to stress?: Do they allow themself to lean on you? Do they let you help them? Or, do they shut you out?
How a couple processes conflict in a relationship can be a great indicator of that relationship's longevity. So, Winch also offers a (potential) way to test your partner for this:
- Bring up an issue early on in the relationship (even if it's very mild) because their response will give you information and insight into how they deal with conflict: bug them a bit with a minor issue and then gauge their reaction.
Great post / wisdom.
On the "test" thing, I think the idea of testing is valid, but in this case it might even be unnecessary: conflict is such part and parcel of relationships that you can just wait (a bit) and you'll naturally and organically stumble upon one.
And it will be much more valid because it's "real" and more emotionally felt, rather than planned -and without much emotions attached to it-.
