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How to make a move on colleagues

How do you make a romantic pass at a colleague?

This post provides 3 ways to make a move on colleagues while still staying in the safe zone.

Colleagues, social circle and any other work-situations require some less direct, social finessing moves to make sure you don't overstep boundaries and get labeled as the sloppy guy (or gal) who hits on everyone.

Here are a couple of examples of how to proceed.

1. Ask About Their BF / GF

A few days ago I was talking to a cute lady and about to exchange contact, when suddenly walks a guy who obviously "knew her well".
He makes a beeline for her and kisses her on the cheek.

I sidelined at that point saying

Me: I'll let you two catch up

This was in itself a social finessing power move, as it turned a situation in which I was being cut out into a situation where I take the lead to make sure they can have their own time.

Well, little later this lady is hovering around a group I'm talking to -a possible sign of interest-. And once we are left just the two of us, I tell her:

Me: Hey, we are going for lunch with a few people here. If you and your boyfriend want to join, you are very welcome.
Her: Oh, that's not my boyfriends, we're just friends

That's all I needed to know.
Coupled with the fact she's was hovering around the group, I had enough information now to safely propose a coffe and exchange contacts.

If you don't have any other tell, you can also glean a lot of information from the way they tell you they are single.
If they avoid the question, that's a signal they are not interested.
If they are very direct about it, that's their way of saying "I'm free, make your move".

2. Make a Racy Comment

A racy comment is something you wouldn't say to a friend and it's just sliiightly out of place among friends.

If they bite, then it's a great sign they appreciate you going beyond the "friends" boundaries and it's the green light you were expecting.

In the example below I had just delivered a workshop to the university where she's teaching.
She later adds me on FB, a strongly positive sign (I recommend women doing the same as an easy way to making the first step).
But she adds also a colleague of mine.

Now if it were a colleague I might have not chosen the "racy comment".
But in this case, I didn't want to waste much time:

Super dry reply, it's all I need to know that there is no room for going forward with an invite or with a personal conversation.

A positive reply instead would have looked something like this:

  • Ahahah thank you for saying that, that's how Russians are raised ๐Ÿ˜€
  • LOL, thank you, you weren't too bad either ๐Ÿ˜€
  • Why, you don't think a woman can be smart enough to teach at a technical university? ๐Ÿ™‚

Basically, anything that would have kept the conversation going, invited a further reply or anything that had shown real appreciation for the overstepping of the "colleague boundaries".

3. Open Out of Office Channels

Anything that opens your interaction with a colleague outside of office is the first step, and a strong signal, that there is room for emotional (and physical) intimacy.

It can be a coffee, a lunch to share a business idea, an art gallery visit.. Gun firing at a shooting range, anything, really.

4. Open Out of Office Communication

This is especially good for women who want to test the waters with male colleagues.
It's good because it's a very tame first step that allows him to take charge and/or make a more obvious move, if there is any interest.

Find an excuse to write them a text message, on Whatsapp or on Facebook.
Even just adding on FB can be enough.

More than once a female colleague has added me on FB and when I didn't take it forward, they later removed the friendship (LOL).

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?