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How to pitch 2 employers against each other -without coming across as a dick-

Alright, so you got two offers.

Great.

That's tremendous leverage.
How to leverage that leverage to get the most out of it?

The wrong way of going about it is with a confrontational frame.
Remember from long-term power strategies that cooperation beats confrontation in the long run.

So, how do you frame two competing offers in a cooperative manner, and still get the most out of it?
Simple:

You: Look, I'm going to be very open here (already framing the interaction as collaborative).
I’ve got another offer as well. I prefer joining you guys for all the reasons that I have already told you. Here’s my problem though: they’re paying 20.000 more. It's hard to turn away that extra money. Is there some way we can work this out?

Of course you can't be 100% sure they will match the other offer, but this one gives you very good chances that their offer will move upward. And they will even respect and value you more once you join.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?