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How to respond to a leading question that implies your lack of knowledge about a certain topic?
Context: I live abroad in the US and am currently visiting my home country for a few weeks
During a family dinner, everyone was talking about the political situation in my home country. This is a topic that I never feel comfortable discussing since I don't know too much to have an informed opinion. Of course, I can chime in with some generic comments but it often feels inauthentic and fake to me that I often decide to stay silent when it comes to politics.
Noticing my indifference to this topic, my aunt asked me: 'Do you follow politics in America?'Â I was slightly embarrassed and admitted that I don't follow a lot of politics. The truth of the matter is that while I am not intimately familiar with American politics, I still know the big picture of the economy and the big news.
How would you respond to such a question where you don't have to admit your lack of knowledge (diminishing your power as a result) and the response still feels authentic and sincere?
Hey dsnw2002
I've been in this situation so many times that I even lost the count. I struggled with this for a long time, so I hope I can help.
My view is that, first and foremost, you should decide whether politics is something worth paying attention to. If it is, then I think the best strategy is to start following the news so that you can have conversations about this subject in the future. This is my preferred strategy, by the way. If I find myself regularly in a group where a subject is important to everyone, it's part of getting into that culture - but it's not always practical, especially with people you like, but don't see very often, like relatives. In those cases it's important to feel comfortable in one's own skin and know that it it's not the end of the world if you just sit back for a while and listen as everyone else talks about something they are passionate about - not for long, though. You are still there :)
But if you decide it's not important, then it's not a matter of "lack of knowledge" anymore. Just own it and don't feel any kind of embarassment - but be prepared to take the conversation to another subject in which you feel at home talking about.
Assuming your frame is that politics isn't something worth paying attention to, I would answer your aunt's question with a a simple "no, I don't", with a smile for warmth - but if she insists on the subject, don't fall into the trap of trying to justify your position. Just say you don't think it's important and try to branch out to other less conflictuous subjects. If you follow economics, for example, I think you can transition pretty smoothly from one thing to the other.
I'm curious to hear other opinions on this as well. If dsnw2022 is comfortable with this, I'd like to expand the question: how, in a general level, do you guys deal with group conversations when you are the fish out of water (as in new groups, and groups you don't regularly engage with but have to)?
To me this seems a question of beliefs (and very high-level frames).
I'd even, say, general self-esteem.
So, besides the usual question "how have you handled it so far" and "how would you handle it" (see guidelines), I'd ask you:
Why would you ever think that not following a certain topic disempowers you?
Because you may as well have a belief that only time-wasters follow news while winners focus on their lives, and what they can directly impact.
See:
Then, instead of thinking "how to defend" you think "how to let them down easily so they don't feel I'm pulling a power move on them".
Such as:
Yeah, I'm generally busy with my things. I wish I had more time, but only really can manage so much with 24h a day. How about you, are you interested in that
To me, it seems more like a leading question in the sense that they want to talk about it.
So let them.
P.S.:
Not necessarily saying that the belief I propose is a "good" belief you should adopt.
But definitely, the belief that not following something you're not that interested in disempowers you doesn't seem a very empowering one to me.
@kavalier and @lucio thank you for the response. I agree that it's more of a self-esteem issue for me where I feel conflicted that I don't have an interest in the topic but I should because others are interested in it. I will need to work on feeling more comfortable with myself and putting my own criteria before anyone else's. I do like how @kavalier mentioned towards the end of his response how to handle similar situations in a group setting? Say if everyone is debating about politics enthusiastically and that makes you feel like a fish out of water - how would you balance between owning your belief /stand of not being interested in politics while establishing social energy with the rest of the group?
I agree with Lucio that this person might simply be interested in talking about it with you, knowing that you have lived in the US. In this case, it is an attempt to make a connection and getting good vibes.
If this person expects you to know about US politics, my first reaction is, why would anyone expect you to know about it, or any subject matter? I admit that I actually used this as a slightly manipulative disempowerment move against others who annoyed me first. If I were you, I would say "I don't follow US politics as I have no interest in studying it, is there something interesting about it you want to share?". Or even "I don't follow US politics because I don't personally care, I focus on big picture thinking and the general trends of economics/I prioritize my other interests such as xxx, is there something interesting about it you want to share?" The filler sentence of stating your focus is empowering you and representing yourself as someone who knows one's own values and priorities in life.
On the other hand, it is easy for you to feel excluded if this group regularly talks about politics and you have no interest in it. In my mind, a true eagle would attempt to gear the conversations towards something that he/she cares about and has more say on. That is true power - being able to influence group dynamics.
