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How to respond to a "thank you" to avoid credit inflating
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 30, 2023, 11:15 amQuote from Maverick on May 29, 2023, 7:08 pmThere was a video about this on Youtube by Charisma on Command, I don't remember the title of the video, and in that he suggests using "Happy to Help" to respond to people who thank you.
Them: Thank You
Me: Happy to Help ( If required I would follow it up with, don't mention it)
I have used it fairly often, and feels like a good response since it also acknowledges that you helped them, but it doesn't thread expand on the giving. I feel it's a neat reply.
Happy to hear any thoughts about this.
Mav
It's good.
Of course, it's also situational and, as per above, also depends a lot on how you say it.
I am convening more and more toward's Bel approach though: a thank you back as in "thank you for acknowledging" is probably the best general go-to answer.
P.S.:
I heard the Charisma on Command guys also say to add:I know you would do the same for me
Which is a major power move and comes across as a potentially sneaky way of positioning your future ask.
Of course, there may be situation where it's fair, but generally NOT in good friendships and relationships.
Quote from Bel on May 29, 2023, 9:46 pmOFF TOPIC
I made the mistake here, and I think it's not a coincidence that the palace manager never contacted me again and I lost the further work.
I wonder if sending an acknowledgement email now, after three months, may be helpful.
I'm inching towards sending something like this for all to see:
Dear Manager,
Many thanks, even if belated, for your very kind words.
I remain at your disposal for anything and send you my kindest regards.
Bel
OFF TOPIC
Send now an email saying:
Sorry, I thought I had replied this, but now realized I missed it.
Anyway, thank you very much for the kind words and...
Then when you meet him in person, mention it very quickly with an attitude of "just want to get that out of the way" and then move on to whatever new topic.
That's what I would say to a newbie.
However, I think you're now at a level Bel where you can apply most general concepts to your specific situation better than I could from the outside, without all the details and knowledge of past interactions.
Hi Lucio,
Excuse the lateness of my reply, had a lot going on one after the other and I did not follow the forum, I see that I missed some wonderful discussions on here.
I know you would do the same for me
This line seemed off to me also, it sets up the other person to help out by guilt tripping them, also Implies that the entire help is conditional on them returning the favor in a similar manner, it straitjackets the other persons choices not a cool move.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Lucio, it helped me to throw more light on the meaning of these phrases and how they can sound.
Mav
As a default when the gratitude is genuine (social credit acknowledgment), I practice:
1. Thanking back
2. I’m glad it was helpful : this is new I started using on Lucio’s advice on the forum. In real life I think it’s for the cases when thanking back is not totally appropriate. For instance when you don’t know what thanking back them for. And when just thanking back feels a little awkward. So it’s a second option.
We’ll see how number 2 works.
Quote from John Freeman on August 3, 2023, 10:34 amAs a default when the gratitude is genuine (social credit acknowledgment), I practice:
1. Thanking back
2. I’m glad it was helpful : this is new I started using on Lucio’s advice on the forum. In real life I think it’s for the cases when thanking back is not totally appropriate. For instance when you don’t know what thanking back them for. And when just thanking back feels a little awkward. So it’s a second option.
We’ll see how number 2 works.
This will come handy. Thanks John I'll add it in my journal, if you don't mind.
Well it's Bel's and Lucio's ideas but I think the ideas on the forum are here to be freely shared.
So now I use 4 ways of acknowledging “thank you”:
- Thanking back if the value has been acknowledged: “thank you”
- “I’m glad… it was helpful/to have spent time with you/etc.” as an alternative
- “With pleasure” in case the value was not acknowledged
- ”Gladly” with a humble non-verbal and with a smile: that was the one I was looking for which I used to expressed with “with pleasure”. I think it’s alright to say this. It’s for the case when value has been acknowledged.
Some time ago I was talking with my power player colleague. We exchanged info so it was both ways. I was saying good bye to him:
Me: it was cool to talk with you.
Him: no problem.
Me: with pleasure!
Analysis
Me: it was cool to talk with you.
Here basically it was an acknowledgment of the value exchange and also a bid for connection.
Him: no problem.
Here it’s the “no problem/no worries” power move. I did not do anything wrong so power move here. He could have said: “was cool for me too” or “same here”. But either he felt he was the one giving/gave more or he just power moved on me.
Me: with pleasure!
Since he power moved on me about the value given. I power move back on him to balance the value exchange: I reclaim the credit he has not given me. It makes no sense in terms of English: why would someone answer “my pleasure” to “no problem”? But it does in terms of social exchange.
For more context: there are other things that I did for him where he still has not acknowledges the value I gave and he also tried to push some of his work on me. So that’s also part of his behaviour.
Yeah, agree that was a bad / not cool answer from him.
What I'd wonder here is:
Was it a mistake because he's socially unskilled (bad of him), or was it a power move from a power-hungry person (not cool of him).
Since you know the history and say he often does that and that he's very competitive / win-lose, then chances are it's the second.
If it was a close person, I'd definitely explain the dynamic and why it's not cool.
For a colleague or someone not close, then I agree it may be better to "play the game" back / win.
Thank you Lucio.
To be honest, I'm not 100% of his intentions. However, there is a doubt and I unfortunately gave him several times the benefit of the doubts already. I don't have any particular feeling regarding it either way. It could be one or the other or even both. But yes, it's worth considering it could be clumsiness. And it definitely could be as well.
Now that I'm thinking about it you advised to judge on character. And he has been self-promoting a lot, one-upping me publicly and privately. I'll write in a post soon in my journal a few moves he's been pulling on me. So probably a game here with all taking it into account the character.
Also good to know about being straight about it with a close person, thanks!
