Please or Register to create posts and topics.

How to show low social effort while not seeming clueless or passive.

So I had situation like this in school:

First situation:

( I am more slow that day, I try to take everything slowly and just mind my business while being careful to not overcommit when someone talks to me or asks me of something )

Classmates: ( Talking about math retake, I got a good grade so I don't really care. and then turning to me. ) Hey, what did you get from the test?

Me: Which test? ( I had no idea which test they were talking about, I know it was about math )
( They proceed to laugh because I'm apparently the only person that doesn't know what test they are talking about, I understand it's the end of questioning so I return to what I was thinking before )

Second situation ( lesson ends, two classmates come to me )

Classmate A: Hey, what did you get from this test about (= some math topic )

Me: ( a bit of silence ) I think I got 4 ( B ), but I don't quite remember

Classmate B: No, He got 5 ( A ), I remembered that, he got 0.5 point less than you ( to Classmate A )

Classmate A: Really? Oh, seems something went wrong, it was not easy, it happens ( that's what I understand from his words because he was talking very quickly )
( I didn't say anything as I really didn't care for perfect score )

Classmate A: ( Says a stereotypical joke about jews, also didn't really understand what exactly said but I'm sure it was some stereotypical joke and I don't like those jokes so I just looked around )

Classmate A: ( Looking at me because of my silence ) Why so quiet? Are you asleep? ( I look at him ) XYZ? ( Saying my name to further push me being half-asleep frame )

Me: No, just chilling.

Classmate A: Oh, okay. ( He looks around ) Who else to call names? ( He goes to some guy with Classmate B he often makes fun of, him saying this quite shocked me albeit it was in joking matter ).

So, I think maybe I went too all-in in this low social effort so it seemed like I'm tired /bored / in bad mood, and you should just try to go at your pace and also actually listen to what is happening around you even if you are acting at lower effort.

Another thought is that maybe this situation was not that bad, but I just let their judgement get to me too much and there's nothing to care about. Similarly, maybe I was going good and my mistake was not being experienced in self-defence and I felt stressed ( You need to defend yourself even if you are giving lower social effort ).

I am not sure which explanation is truer, any thoughts?

Also note I'm not native english speaker so this conversation is not perfect equivalent of the real thing but I tried to make it seem close.

Yeah, I got the same feeling: overdoing it.

Things are situational, and in the high-noise, high-energy and high-power moves environment of high school the low effort must also be calibrated to the situation -and high school and high school age may not even be the best time for it since the aura of "been there done that" feels fake at that life stage-.

Also, I wouldn't focus at all now on being low-effort, that's a bit more advanced.

That guy who joked about jews, that was a power move.
Focus more on addressing that for now (any technique you'll see in PU can work, just focus on using one, not on picking the perfect one, or executing it 100% correctly).

Get some real-life experience in addressing power moves, enforcing boundaries, pushing back, and even playing the one-upping game that young guys do.

And generally learn to act even when you don't feel like or when you're not sure what will come out of it: that's the backbone of being effective in life/socialization.

Then, later on, you can focus more on ignoring, flying higher, being low effort, etc.

moving the thread to beginner socialization

Astronomically Revolutionised, Ali Scarlett and 5 other users have reacted to this post.
Astronomically RevolutionisedAli ScarlettJackKavalierZathrianBelDGX37
Check the forum guidelines for effective communication.
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Scroll to Top