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How to sort out allies from enemies when you succeed

#1 · July 18, 2022, 11:00 pm

Quote from John Freeman on July 18, 2022, 11:00 pm
Hello everyone,
last post before going to bed (some brainpower left).
Context: as I was sharing my success from exam, I could see 3 reactions:
1. Genuine happiness: these are people who are on my team. Their reward system has a link to mine. If I fail they feel bad, If I win they feel good, they're my tribe. We suffer together, we win together. Typically they will repeat over and over: "I'm happy for you", tell you they've been thinking about your exam or raise their arms/exhilarating body language (awesome nurse colleague). It's like THEY won.
2. Politely happy: JB falls in this category. He was happy but not that happy. These are the people who say "well done" and smile, etc. They don't mind to see you win, but it's not their win. If you would have failed, there would have been some Schadenfreude for sure. They compare themselves to you and if you win, it makes them think about themselves and where they are. So your win is not their win and it's a mirror to their non-wins.
3. Hiding their disappointment: this is the case of people with low self-esteem, a zero-sum view of the World, negative people, etc. You can hear it in their tone of voice and face: they're surprised. A nurse at my work was warmish with me. When I passed we talked at lunch and she started to tell me: "there is this professional opportunity, I will tell you if I know more". As I became slightly more powerful (still 1 exam to pass) she sees that it's better to be my ally than my enemy, shifting alliances. For more context: she was a nurse I worked with in neonatology and who was quite disrespectful. Now she changed jobs and is working at our clinic. I forgave her and was always warm and polite with her. That is also the case of another male nurse who was actually quite surprised when I told him. In his mind he was going: "Oh fuck, this guy is going to become an attending physician (meaning I'll be in charge and he's been playing games with me: wheel is turning)".
So successes are also learning opportunity: who's on your team, who's not and who's on the opposite team.
Cheers!

Hello everyone,

last post before going to bed (some brainpower left).

Context: as I was sharing my success from exam, I could see 3 reactions:

1. Genuine happiness: these are people who are on my team. Their reward system has a link to mine. If I fail they feel bad, If I win they feel good, they're my tribe. We suffer together, we win together. Typically they will repeat over and over: "I'm happy for you", tell you they've been thinking about your exam or raise their arms/exhilarating body language (awesome nurse colleague). It's like THEY won.

2. Politely happy: JB falls in this category. He was happy but not that happy. These are the people who say "well done" and smile, etc. They don't mind to see you win, but it's not their win. If you would have failed, there would have been some Schadenfreude for sure. They compare themselves to you and if you win, it makes them think about themselves and where they are. So your win is not their win and it's a mirror to their non-wins.

3. Hiding their disappointment: this is the case of people with low self-esteem, a zero-sum view of the World, negative people, etc. You can hear it in their tone of voice and face: they're surprised. A nurse at my work was warmish with me. When I passed we talked at lunch and she started to tell me: "there is this professional opportunity, I will tell you if I know more". As I became slightly more powerful (still 1 exam to pass) she sees that it's better to be my ally than my enemy, shifting alliances. For more context: she was a nurse I worked with in neonatology and who was quite disrespectful. Now she changed jobs and is working at our clinic. I forgave her and was always warm and polite with her. That is also the case of another male nurse who was actually quite surprised when I told him. In his mind he was going: "Oh fuck, this guy is going to become an attending physician (meaning I'll be in charge and he's been playing games with me: wheel is turning)".

So successes are also learning opportunity: who's on your team, who's not and who's on the opposite team.

Cheers!

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